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Big Trouble from the “Little SPs”

October 30, 2010

Among the latest to leave the corrupt Church of Scientology are Jim and Meshell Little, daughter Heather Powers, and Meshell’s mother Edie Fields, all long term Scientologists who have contributed much to the Church over the years.

This is their story, as told by Meshell.

Why We Publicly Left the Church of Scientology

By Meshell Little

This is the story of Jim Little, Meshell Little (Powers), Heather Powers and grandmother, Edie Fields of St. Louis, Missouri.  This is the real story of how we went from being 22-year veteran Scientologists to quietly resigning from the structure known as the Church of Scientology on June 29, 2010.  This action quickly culminated with the St. Louis Org declaring us SP’s on October 21, 2010.  This declare, as I will go over, consisted of generalities, complete lies, assumptions stated as facts, situations twisted up neatly to appear as one, dropped out time (fully handled 13 years ago) all mixed with one percent truth – and completely written with the intention of discrediting to make us look evil.  This is the thanks we got for all our years of supporting this organization.  That’s not all, though. They got my son.

On October 24, 2010,  my 19-year-old son, Jeremy Powers, told me, his little sister, Heather and step-dad Jim that he could no longer have any association with us until we “came to our senses and recanted our misdeeds.”  He originated that although he knew we weren’t really suppressive and he knew it wasn’t right, he was being forced to disconnect.  He said he had no choice because he had argued all he could to get someone in the Church to see that “forced (ultimatum) disconnection” was wrong, especially when it came to family. He said he tried to get them to see that if he ever felt we were suppressing him, he would decide on his own to disconnect, per PTS/SP tech. It is our opinion that only the most evil and arrogant of groups would practice this type of family destruction, especially against people who only want to walk away.

Since he and I have always been close, this act of cruelty, on his part, is beyond my ability to comprehend.  I’ve been the one always there for him, loving him with open arms, granting him huge beingness, and protecting him from invalidation & harm. All of us fully supported his right to decide to stay with the church when he knew we were all leaving it.  Make NO MISTAKE ABOUT THIS, I easily could have turned him to our side – I just wasn’t sure it was the best decision.  So we supported him and ensured he had funds on his account to move forward as he wished.  (Major error on our part!)

He was totally manipulated with THREAT OF LOSS.  He said if he didn’t disconnect he would lose his girlfriend, his place to live, his car, his job and he wouldn’t get his Bridge.  He was told by the St. Louis Ethics officer that it was his choice, but if he chose to stay connected he would be declared. He cried when he left our house that day, but nothing like I cried, I’m sure. I don’t even know if he realizes the pain of a mother losing her child. He’s likely being indoctrinated to believe that we are all JUST THETANS and it is a “fake” mother/son relationship anyway.  I say this because on occasions when Sea Org folks were trying to recruit my children, they told me, “they are thetans, not YOUR children!”

My mother, Edie Fields, was pressured to disconnect as well – even before we were declared – and she let them know that she would never ever disconnect from her daughter & granddaughter. She told them that she was disconnecting from THEIR suppressive actions.

Jim, Heather, Edie and I are coming to terms with the fact that we are now the victims of what we had defended and protected for years. My child, being manipulated with a threat of loss, has immediately and obediently started blocking me from his life, as if I don’t exist anymore. He’s changed his phone number and blocked us from his Facebook – eliminating us as his family. Eliminated. Gone. Sadly, he calls it his “personal integrity”.

Well, Church of Scientology, the gloves have come off.  THE MOST DANGEROUS PLACE TO BE IS BETWEEN A MOTHER AND HER CHILD, and you have so arrogantly placed yourself right there.

Until you issued the SP Declare, full of slander and lies about me, then manipulated my son to disown us – I was willing to silently go about my way. I was willing to never talk about Scientology to Jeremy and I was willing to let him choose the religion of his choice and make his own decisions. He has that basic human right, you know! I knew that my compromise would be that I would be silent about my opinions going forward, in order to not provoke the church – but NO – that was not good enough.  Do you really think I will walk away with my tail between my legs, whimpering and sad?  Do you really think I will just give up my son and not say anything about it?  Are you all completely void of humanity? Read below of the mayhem *cough* we caused to bring this wrath of a “church” upon us.

Jim and I had been in Scientology for 22 years.  I served on staff for 5 of those years, first holding the post of HAS then being promoted to the senior executive post of Flag Banking Officer (right before it became a SO post).  Pretty much my auditing level consists of Grade 0, FPRD basic and 1D list, and lots security checking!  On top of that, I’ve had a lot of admin training, including a few mini hats, OEC Vol 0, FP Member Full Hat and M9 word clearing the entire finance series. As an FBO, during the big IRS tax exemption, I implemented the entire Treasury/INCOMM program after the IRS awarded the tax exemption. Jim has been mainly public, finishing his STCC, Student Hat, TR’s/Objectives, volunteer activities with CCHR & other 4th D campaigns. He had a few brief times on staff in the 90’s and recently in 2008. My mom Edie (now 70 years old) had been on staff for 10 years, and buying her auditing at staff rates. She is a trained auditor, word clearer and a beautiful being. Our daughter, Heather, started volunteering 20 hours a week at age 13 and had been on staff since, finally working over 50 hrs a week while trying to get through schooling, toward the end.

Over the past few years we’ve had points of disagreements and things that just didn’t make sense. Including, but not limited to, direct policy violations and circumstances that just didn’t make sense. I personally have written a lot of extensive KR’s outlining such violations over the years. We’ve commonly just dubbed in what we thought “must” be the case and settled with the “thought-stopper” that it must just be our own MUs.

The following things are only a few things that we have tried to make sense of, when actually they literally don’t make any sense at all. Some of them we consider to be just out right suppressive and against the stated purpose of the CoS.  These questions are never answered in a way that resolves the question.

1. If it’s absolutely vital that we get 10,000 people auditing on OTVII – then why is the pricing of Scientology out of reach for the majority of the population?

2.  In the early 70’s the cost of ALL the OT levels (if purchased in a package) was $2,500 – today it’s close to $500,000 when all is said and done.  What level of inflation is that?

3.  In answer to the “pricing” questions, we’ve been told it’s because Scientology is for “the able” – however, we don’t think one can judge ability by someone’s bank account. Some of the biggest SPs on the planet are very wealthy.

4.  In the inner circle, org staff are considered some of the most able on the planet – yet, if they are no longer on staff and don’t make enough to quickly pay for their Bridge, does that mean they are no longer the “able” we want up at the top of the Bridge??

5. We heard from personal friends that in the 70’s orgs (and missions) were bursting at the seams. LRH went off the lines, odd things started happening and the orgs started shrinking. Reports went to LRH that David Mayo was an SP – he was declared and gotten off the lines. At that point, orgs should have had huge expansion and grown even bigger; however they did not stably grow. Really?  Well, have you ever seen an org bursting at the seams since 1982?

6.  Just 3-4 years after LRH died, and with David Miscavige fully in control, orgs have continued to shrink over the long term. We are told Scientology is expanding. Are we to honestly believe that St. Louis org is the only one that has NOT grown in 20 years? I mean stably grown.  I’m not talking about the staff count hitting 50, because you turn around and it’s down again.  The overall stats at STL are NOT on an uptrend over the past 20 years AT ALL. In fact, stats have been emergency since the 70’s, with some stats, like GI actually in Danger and Non-E.  This is denied.  However, there is nobody who can prove that the stats are expanding.  But let’s don’t forget, we have eyes and we have observation AND we have been around for 22 years!

7.  We find it most disturbing that “Scientology has the ONLY workable admin tech on the planet” yet it isn’t working to expand Scientology at the org level. Want more proof? Why is everyone donating every penny, nickel and dime to Ideal Orgs? Why can’t the expanding org, that is delivering more and more auditing and training over that last 22 years afford to just expand up to a larger and nicer location? Why does the org have to resort to “fundraising” all the while the staff is paid far below the poverty level?

8. It’s completely suppressive that staff, considered by most to be the hardest working people on the planet and doing the most important thing for mankind – are paid next to nothing. Pay in Class V orgs is so low that it’s impossible to recruit a large staff of competent people (and keep them) because you’re asking them to come on board below the poverty level. A new recruit who doesn’t have someone else who supports them, won’t even be able to afford to buy groceries, and this hasn’t changed in 20 years. If this is the most important activity on the planet – does this make sense to you?  It seems to us that LRH never intended it to be this way. He says flourish and prosper, survive in abundance!

9. Very young adults (teenagers) seem to fit the bill well. These children are expected to be “instant adults” and are called “thetans” when in fact, it’s not likely they remember the wisdom of their very last life, and most lack the true wisdom of adults. These young adults have a hard time controlling their own determinism, lacking KRC with life. However, they are easy to indoctrinate into a way of thinking they should do what they do “for the cause” for free, and even if it costs them money to be there. Having a education is secondary to the org’s purpose, and they end up raised as a staff member with little outside world experience. We find this to be an oddly weird. These children are “playing office” while they are getting “trained up” and robotically wielding lightning bolts over all pubic.  Dangerous combination!

10. The Sea Org cherry picks local org staff!  When they recruit from staff, they claim to “replace” them with new recruits. However, a lot of times the replacements are not viable replacements. If this game is so important and the orgs are so vital, why is it okay for them to cherry pick staff from lower orgs, leaving orgs struggling to always to get hatted up again. We find this suppressive.

11. It’s also completely suppressive to recruit teenagers (heck anyone for that matter) into the SO and then deem them no longer qualified to be on staff, anywhere – if they end up leaving, even if they wanted to join staff at a class V org! Completely suppressive and we are horribly reasonable to not see it.

12. In the Sea Org if you get pregnant, you are off loaded and given your Freeloader Bill, or you always have the abortion option! Back in the days LRH was around, if an SO member got pregnant they would be sent out to work at a Class V org until their children turned six. Now, they are simply off loaded, given a free loaders bill and told they are not allowed to ever work in any orgs. More resources, to clear the planet, down the drain. Suppressive!

13. Flag coming to Class V orgs and regging org public to go to Flag to get their Grades, training and do Basics in addition to the Flag only things…they say they have perfect auditors and perfectly applied tech…making it feel like we are getting seconds and probably a lot of errors at an org. Even with the GAT.

14.  We were told “LRH didn’t write the “Disconnection Canceled” policy, but that probably “some suppressive did it and just put Ron’s name on it.” Well isn’t that comforting?  How do we know which PLs were indeed truly authored by LRH? Isn’t it only hearsay at this stage of the game? That PL was written back in 1968. How can anyone be so arrogantly certain that the “reinstatement of the disconnection policy” 15 years later, was really authored by LRH?  Think about this statement!  When LRH cancelled it in the 60’s he said we had no need for disconnection “because we now have the technology to handle every case.” Ask yourself, does that mean that 15 years later the tech didn’t work anymore, so we needed disconnection again?

15.  We were told in the briefing by David Miscavige that LRH decided to drop his body so he could continue his research on upper levels without the hindrance of his body. We were told he was of sound mind and the body was in good health and he was causatively doing this. Yet, after all these years, and after all the lectures, he causatively decided to drop his body without so much as a single personal word to his “following”!  That one baffles us. Think about this.

We have experienced pretty horrible situations personally and outpoints so big that they just couldn’t be reconciled.  Heather’s experience when she joined the Sea Org and came back to staff was nothing short of sickening!  The amount of accumulated bypassed charge I had was incredible. The number of blatant policy violations that adversely affected our family directly through the years are gross and too numerous to go into at this time.  Maybe we should write a book as well!

The door to our exit was opened when we watched the CNN’s Anderson Cooper’s show, called “Scientology: A History of Violence”. As unbelievable as this accusation sounded, we actually watched it because our own church spokesperson and others from our church were also on the show. We wanted to see what in the world “we” were being accused of this time, and see how the church defended it.

On the show, we saw fairly recent, very high ranking veteran Ex-International Management members, like ex-CO OSA INT on staff for 25 yrs, Inspector General for Ethics (at the highest level of management for decades), and others of equal magnitude who were accusing David Miscavige of unthinkable crimes!  It outlined how the church is ripping families to pieces – unjustly – using our disconnection policy to silence true criticisms. Truthfully, we were leaning toward this being preposterous until we heard our own church’s attorney and our current church spokesperson, Tommy Davis; completely & utterly lie about our church policy regarding disconnection. He and the attorney very believably lied, saying the church has no policy of enforcing disconnection. To say the least, we were stunned to hear this lie and felt additionally that we had just witnessed too much credibility to completely ignore it.

Paul Haggis, a very prominent 35-yr Scientologist (film producer) sent a letter to CNN saying “If they lie about this, what else are they lying about?” That is exactly how we felt.  Especially having experience years of many things that just didn’t make sense and ourselves making excuses for too many outnesses.

This started my husband and I on an exhaustive research of the people who were on the show telling their stories.  To our surprise, we discovered that these people were whistleblowers!  We were not hearing natter, 3rd party or crazy criticism – we were discovering very well written KRs, video interviews, open letters and each discovery opened another “ah ha” moment for us.  Now things were making sense! My bypassed charge was decreasing.

Interestingly enough, each and every one of these whistleblowers were subsequently declared.  Some were declared for wanting to leave, but most were declared for speaking out against blatant and destructive violations of LRH tech and policy that was NOT BEING HANDLED in decades within the church.

The question we had to ask is why. Why would literally SO MANY dedicated high-level Scientologists of 20, 30 & 40+ years just decide to leave and start speaking out against the church?  Are we to really believe that after all these decades of training and processing – or being trusted in the most elite management positions in our church – that they suddenly turned into “suppressive persons” and now want to destroy Scientology?  We needed to know WHY they left and what they are whistle-blowing about.

So, for months we researched and with each new thing, turned up something else.  Piece by piece our bypassed charge started clearing out.  The mass was moving away as things started to make sense now.  And to think so many times we thought these mistakes, outpoints and sometimes outright evil dramatizations were mostly because of young inexperienced and often unhatted staff that were running the show these days!  Guess what, not only were we wrong in this assumption, we were being reasonable!  Out KSW1.

It very soon became very clear WHY the church considers you out-ethics for reading or watching anything dubbed as “anti” Scientology on the internet. Funny, all of us are told that there is danger in running into upper-level confidential OT data that could be dangerous and possibly even fatal to us if we read it – while we’re sure that it’s out there, we never ran into ANY of it in our research. We ran into worse. Much worse! To our horror and without a doubt, we found out that the current church’s own crimes are being exposed by high profile, highly respected veteran international management people, as well as an extraordinary amount of OTs.  Many very upstat Scientologists who have donated 100’s of thousands of dollars to Ideal Orgs and the IAS.  They’ve walked away and are blowing the whistle.  These are people who dedicated their entire LIVES to Scientology and have ended up being labeled as “raving SPs” that the church has to vehemently destroy, with horrible lies and character assassinations.

Further, we have found that people who are discovering this information and talking about it or having doubts about continuing to support and condone the church, are being declared as suppressive persons almost immediately – if the church can’t get them “handled”.  We found that the SP Declare was not really being issued as a final ethics gradient, but was being immediately issued as a way to silence the person and to ensure that other Scientologists were forbidden to communicate with them.

Then to just be sure, the SP Declares were written in such a way as to ensure that other scientologist’s viewpoint of them would be slanted and the person’s credibility would be completely discredited. We found proof that in some instances the church utilized confidential confessional information, dropping out time and date of the happenings, to destroy their image. Let me ask you this. Thinking back over every single sec check you’ve ever done, include all your O/W write-ups (leaving out ALL justifiers or so called reasons you committed the OW), and ask yourself, how would it sound if it were taken completely out of context, time and place dropped out and no mention of any ethics handlings having been completed and then put in an issue for all to read?  Do you think it would make you look bad?

In our search, we read the stories of hundreds of people. We watched their videos, read what they AND the church had to say in the expose “The Truth Rundown” (published by the St. Petersburg Times) which contained very interesting historical information and facts, as well as fair coverage of what the church’s side is to the whole thing. There were a lot of video interviews of ex-CMOI and WDC upper-management-type people. These interviews stunned us and we had no doubt these people were NOT lying. We read doubt formulas of Veteran New OTVIIIs and highly detailed KRs written by extremely upstat and high level Scientologists. We had the opportunity to evaluate the data against things we’d already experienced and knew to be true.

We discovered there is a huge movement of prominent Scientologists around the world who are demanding that “we” wake up! Most of these people have been walking away since 2004 and they are NOT trying to harm Scientology, these folks are applying KSW1. These Scientologists have come to sadly realize that there is no longer a way for this situation to be handled from within the church and withdrawing one’s support is the answer, per LRH as he describes in The Way To Happiness. He tells you how to handle a suppressive government, he says just simply withdraw your support.

After literally months of exhaustive research, we concluded that it is our reality that the Church is condoning the lying, abuse of policy and tech and covering it up. Ultimately, we could not, in good conscience, ignore the voices of our fellow Scientologists, including, but limited to, Marty Rathbun, Geir Isene, Jenny Miscavige, Ronnie Miscavige, Jason Beghe, Mike Rinder, Amy Scobee, Jeff Hawkins, Mary-Jo Leavitt, Lisa Hamilton, Larry Anderson (the narrator of the Orientation Film), Tom De Vocht, Sherry Katz, Christie Colbran, Paul Haggis, Mark Hamilton, Karen De La Carriere (who by the way, is the ex-wife of the President of the Church of Scientology), and numerous others.

We made our decision – we could no longer condone or support the Church of Scientology as it’s currently managed.  Courageously, we, as a family, issued a 14-page letter of resignation to the ethics department of our local org, privately announcing our intention to withdraw our support.  You can read our Letter of Resignation here –

This blog site was put together composing much of the stuff we researched – just in case one true friend of 22 years respected us enough to realize we had not dropped off the deep end.  Just in case they wanted to look.  Guess what, not one single person approached us.  Yes, sorry – one did.  However, we were unwilling to tell this person because he was the son of our very best friends and we felt he was not stable enough to have this information.  Compassion, I call it.

We realized we likely would be quickly labeled as SP’s like all others who stood up before us, however, we are not going to be controlled by “fear” of our own Church either.  Labels don’t make one “suppressive”, it only stops others from communicating.

We stood up because it was the only thing that could be done. LRH describes the price of freedom. We know that once a few have the courage to stand up, then more will have the courage to stand up. Staff and management will not be able to ignore us for long, because it’s going to become too obvious that we are not ALL suppressives.

For us, so much by-passed charge is gone! Years of things that have never made sense to us, now make sense!  Being labeled as an SP by the current management is meaningless – as we have already lost LRH’s Scientology to criminal and corrupt activities.

Then the day came that the church played GOD.  The almighty SP DECLARE was issued on our family.  I have it linked here:  Little Declare, along with my comments on it, however, I need to say something here.

Here are points you need to know:

1.  Jim, Heather and I went to the org and privately gave our resignation to the correct terminals in the org.  This was not done “publicly”.

2.  The HES was mad, said he was going to be the one to declare us.

3.  We all walked away that day and the ONLY one to say or do anything else in the light of “public” was Jim.  He was mad and when we got home he decided to post on Facebook what we had done, what Matt said and offered if anyone wanted to read our write up.  I disagreed with this.  He did it, not Heather and not me.  Jim was very upset a few times and blurted things out publicly, Heather I and stayed politely private about our feelings and thoughts.

4.  Heather silently came home, deleted all Scientology friends and moved on to her next chapter in life, never talking about it again – she didn’t read any sites EVER and she just moved on.  She, in fact, had not committed a single suppressive act.

5. We did not get a comm ev.  We did not get a Non Enturb Order.  We did not get a hearing.  We were not asked clarifying questions as to activities, time place form or event.  In fact, we were not even spoken to again after that day, except by the DSA who was showing me LRH policy to refute my stance. I knew she cared deeply and hated our decision to do this.  However, what she was showing couldn’t answer our concerns or handle the tons of atrocities that our family had experienced over the years that KRs never resolved.

With all this mentioned, please see our goldenrod, almighty God, declaration of independence!

  1. Synthia permalink
    October 30, 2010 11:39 pm

    You are all heroes!!! Meshell, Jim, Heather, Edie and in the end, Jeremy will most likely do something heroic too! He obviously came from a family of strong, ethical people and he followed in your footsteps when you pointed him in the direction of Scientology because he loved YOU. He will come around.

    Thanks for having such courage!!! I love our friendship and can’t wait to get together for a “Little SP” lunch.

    Love, Sindy

    • November 1, 2010 1:43 pm

      Hi Sindy,

      You are just an awesome REAL friend. Thank you very much.


  2. craig permalink
    October 31, 2010 12:18 am

    Jim, Meshell, Heather and Edie,

    Congratulations on your declare! I’m jealous that you got to see yours. I still haven’t seen mine!

    Kidding aside, I’m sorry to hear about your son’s decision but, having myself emerged from the webby den of dark fear and ignorance known as belief system of the CofS, I know that the strings we tie ourselves down with while inside can seem like heavy chains until WE decide that they are not. Hopefully, for his sake and for yours, he will free himself sooner than later. As Jeff pointed out in his article about Hassan a week or so ago, the best thing you can do is continue to be there, be there and be there. Eventually, he’ll look out and see you standing there — and it will be important to him.

    Good luck to you all.


    • October 31, 2010 12:49 am

      Thank you Craig, I know you are right about this. I know the day will come, because for him, right now, it’s really all about his “girlfriend”.

    • Synthia permalink
      October 31, 2010 1:03 am


      That was very beautifully said.

    • November 1, 2010 1:48 pm

      Hi Craig,

      This is Jim. I agree that it will not be to long before Jeremy realizes just how weak the so called friendships are with other Scientologist within the so called church. You can’t build real friendships under fear and suppression. Our so called friends scattered like roaches when you turn on the light of truth.


  3. October 31, 2010 12:46 am

    Thank you Sindy – woman of a million “right” words!! I’m so looking forward to a Little SP lunch, heck even dinner!

    There is something final about getting this posted. I am still recovering from the shock of being spot-on right about the character of the “church” and it’s actions. Such blatant corruption of policy!

    LOL, the one comment in the SP declare about me pretending to be knowledgeable about Scientology…came directly from Matt, the HES. He hated when I came on the lines with “gripes”. There is one thing I know and it’s POLICY. I can almost tell you what page and what side of the page it’s on in Vol One. It’s glaring when it’s being violated and I was forever more referred to as a “SHORE FLAP”, because I’ve had all three of my children and my mom on staff one time or another. Matt hated my “shore flapping” because they liked to use policy for their own “ends” as opposed to thinking with policy. Oh my gosh, do I ever have stories that make your jaw drop!

    I have spent 22 years trying to effectively correct outnesses, you know, per policy and within the organization! I’ve written book loads of KRs 😉 and never made a difference. KRs always seemed to be a one-way flow, eh? Nobody ever really ack’d them or did anything to correct things.

    Oh, soon I will start telling my stories.

    One that comes to mind right now, was when I was the HAS. Musical chairs was vicious in our org and I couldn’t stabilize anything. I was writing KRs like mad and asking for a Comm Ev over and over so it could be fully investigated. I finally went into apathy with only 2 HCO people left, both of us taking turns holding reception ALL THE TIME. I decided to go moonlight and make some money to handle flaps. Oh….now the story changed!! The HES decided to write up a request for ME to BE comm ev’d. Personally I was a bit excited, I finally had a chance. When I got to LA for it, and sat at the big table surrounded with SO members – I suddenly found myself simply being accused of things in KRs written about me. None of my KRs were read. I was basically in a COURT of ETHICS. I did get my wish in the end….I begged to be demoted and got that. Sort of. I went back to St. Louis and sat at reception some more.

    LOL, I was such an out-ethics scum bag, that shortly after that, I was put on post as FBO by the Cont Fin Dir!! Great post.

    Thank you Jeff for helping me tell our side. Someday we’ll shake your hand.


  4. October 31, 2010 1:02 am

    If Jeremy has your integrity, it will not be long before he discovers the lie that he is being forced to live.

    He will discover, as you may already have, that standard tech is being delivered in the field at a greater rate than in the now corrupt church. Apparently about 85% of all trained auditors are now outside the church and some are delivering services every day.

    You can go up the Bridge at a greater speed and for less money than you can in the church.

    PLUS… you get to handle what YOU want to handle, not what some untrained SO person or ethics officer wants you to handle.

    The difference in case gain is incredible!

    Welcome to freedom.

    David St Lawrence

    • Meshell Little permalink
      October 31, 2010 6:42 pm

      David, thank you for your kind words!

      I guess I’m in denial (LOL) but you know, I don’t see it as real Jeremy will not ever come back, so I agree with you.

      I remember one day teasing Jeremy (before the declare came out) I told him not to worry about me because the entire bridge is being delivered in the field, and I would be paying 1/10th of the cost for my freedom – boy, did he ever cut me off fast. He got real serious and said don’t say things because it was degrading. I guess maybe it was a bit of a 1.1 comment on my part, however I was actually just hoping a seed was planted. BAAAAD MEEEE.


    • November 1, 2010 1:57 pm


      Thank you for your kind words and support. It is a Bridge to Total Fraud in the current chruch, and on a side note, a friend of mine made a very good point. If there are no absolutes in Scientology then how can you have a Bridge To “Total Freedom”? Ron’s bridge was actually called a Bridge To A New World back in 1972. That is a correct statement.


  5. Independent Scientologist permalink
    October 31, 2010 1:07 am

    My wife Michelle, is also posting a comment.

    We should definitely get together.

    If someone had told me at the beginning of the year – as I was getting ready to move out to LA for a year to do my OT levels – that by the end of June I would no longer consider myself a member of the church of Scientology – I would have responded that they were crazy. But what was crazy was the way my wife and I were treated by the ethics terminals at AOLA. Just as you, I’ve seen the horrendous outpoints in the church up close and personal.

    Ron Matlock

    • Meshell Little permalink
      October 31, 2010 6:50 pm


      When I read your comment, it reminded me of a video Jim just posted on his “Little Doubt” blog site. It’s under the page called “The Tech” (one of links at the top of the site) and I think it’s the second video down. (Man standing in front of his OTVII Cert on the wall behind him). POWERFUL. It’s a guy who finally completed OTVII after 7 years, in 2001 and literally 2 weeks later completely walked away. His story is amazing. He said at the time he got completed he was 1 of only 17 other OTVII completions on the planet. Hope you get a chance to look at this, if you haven’t already heard

      We’d LOVE to meet you and Michelle!


    • November 1, 2010 1:58 pm

      Hi Ron,

      I can always use more crazy friends like you. Thank you for your support. Us crazies need to stick together.


  6. Athena8 permalink
    October 31, 2010 1:16 am

    It is turning into a point of pride going from “Tame SP” to “Bad SP.” Our story is so similar to yours, that I would not have believed that it COULD have happened, had it NOT happened. I remain stunned at how they are actively driving people out of the church. Unreasonable Faith has an article which states “Ms. Collbran says she still believes in Scientology — not in the church as it is now constituted, but in its teachings. She still gets auditing, from other Scientologists who have defected …You have to work at it to lose people like this.” BINGO! I just read Plain Old Thetan’s article called “DM’s Double Secret Declares” on It was written on 22 June 10, one week before I first hit the internet to try to find out what in the heck was truly going on. If I had found it then, it would have quickly clarified everything for me. We are in Indianapolis, so we hope to get to meet you.

    With appreciation,

    Michelle Matlock
    Class VIII
    Scientologist since 1963

    • Meshell Little permalink
      October 31, 2010 7:01 pm

      Wow, Michelle – you are a Class VIII – very cool.

      You said something that was completely TRUE to me! Christie Colbran, “Ms. Collbran ….…You have to work at it to lose people like this.” WOW, when you look at it exactly like this, it comes so in focus!! Spot on, you really have to work at it to lose people.

      I had an OTVIII friend say recently, “Applying pure LRH as-isses and doesn’t create ridges.”

      Like I told Ron, we’d love to meet you both.


    • November 1, 2010 2:02 pm

      Hi Michelle,

      You are correct. You have to work really hard to create that many enemies. They, the church, are caving themselves in at a rapid rate and like the good friend I want to help them out.


  7. October 31, 2010 1:18 am


    I know what you mean about the KRs.

    Strange synchronicity about ’em in my case I don’t know about anyone else but after I’d written one on say David Miscavige or someone following his direct order code named “Command Intention” I’d end up being the one sent to ethics or being sec checked for some “other” reason.

    Funny how that worked out 😉

    Anyway, Meshell.

    Welcome to the independent field.

    • Meshell Little permalink
      October 31, 2010 7:05 pm

      LOL, funny – I bet that is why we were “direct shot” to SP! Our open letter DIRECTLY ACCUSED DM of being an SP. We copied parts of the factors from Marty’s site and utilized the ones we felt we researched enough to be true to us.

      Ooops! Guess it wasn’t taken real well at the local org, or to IJC. Not to mention, we later found out that the HES idolizes DM.

      Thanks for the welcome. I swear, since my decision I have never felt freer! I have so many stories to tell. Amazing freedom. We even bought ourselves a 46″ plasma TV this past summer – without feeling guilty!!! :-))


      • October 31, 2010 9:43 pm

        Outright saying the lil’ twerp is an SP is probably a sure road to getting your own Goldenrod.

        Me I merely suggested that his Satanic Holiness be investigated and possibly comeved along with what was called “management” for committing such blatantly obvious High crimes and suppressive acts that one could have thrown the book at ’em. Even their “revised” edition.

        I never said he was an SP though maybe implied it.

        I even offered to be a witness at any comeve

        Silly me 😉

        One of the funniest things I ever heard was some RTC terminal trying to “handle” me explaining how despite the fact that was GAT was completely off policy (Drills Allowed) and flagrantly out tech that canceling it would be uneconomical because of all the money they spent on promoting it.

        Somewhat paraphrased but you get the idea.

        Sorta like what the Brits call “in for a penny, in for a pound.”

        This was supposedly one of the “guardian’s” of “standard tech” talking to me about the economic advantages of squirreling.

        Pretty surreal.

        Talk about corrupt practices!

        The almighty dollar was more important than delivering Standard Tech?

        Well anyway I’m glad I got outa that squirrel cage and I’m glad you guys have joined us.

        I wish you all the best.

    • November 1, 2010 2:07 pm

      Hi RJ,

      For the record. Hitler wasn’t nothing compared to Miscavige. I know they both used the “unbelievable” to accomplish their goals, but Hitler just flat out killed people whereas Miscavige is killing people slowly from the inside out and this has been going on for decades.


  8. Marta permalink
    October 31, 2010 2:00 am

    Meshell & family – bless you all. You ROCK!! I’ve loved you on Facebook and love you here. You’ve declared your independence, that’s what matters. Who made Cof S king of anything?? Only the willing participants.

    Blow that whistle, babe!

    • Meshell Little permalink
      October 31, 2010 7:11 pm

      High Five Marta!!

      I was so worried about my mother, who is 70 years old – so much of her “identity” was wrapped up in it. You wouldn’t believe how freed she is. I’m so relieved and so happy! However, once she made her decision that she would not be separated from me, that was it. She no longer allowed any comm from the church. She said it was too enturbulating to have the data slanted so that her only conclusion would be that the church is RIGHT and her daughter is the SP.

      One of her friends called her recently. When she found out that mom’s brother had just been brutally murdered, she actually used that information to indicate to my mom she better get back to the org and get cleaned up!!!! How insensitively sick is that.

      Blowing my whistle now,

  9. Doc "Smith" permalink
    October 31, 2010 2:52 am

    Meshell, Jim, Heather and Edi, Well done on seeing the light. I too was fooled until last March. Now my life is once again my own. Keep handling that BPC. We’re all happy to have you here. If you need or want anything don’t hesitate to ask.
    Mark Elliott

    • Meshell Little permalink
      October 31, 2010 7:22 pm

      Mark, same to you. Seems we are (you and my family) all finding a new group of friends. Please keep in comm with us. We are even available by phone in the evenings. I know I’ve been grateful for all the comm lines over the months.

      Guess back then, I just needed to know that the “independents” were not a “closed click”, because I was worried we would be the new kids on the block in a group who was ….. gosh, I’m tongue tied. I don’t know how to say what I mean…..dang, I knew I should have done KTL!! Guess another way of saying it is we’d be leaving our friends of 22 years and not fit in to the other groups that have been around awhile.

      Gosh, that reminds me, I was even told by my OT friend that it would be awful to end up a “token in someone else’s game”. Even though I know how she meant it, I could feel the warmness and I knew I was nobody’s token. Personal Integrity is knowing what you know and not being afraid to say what you know…..
      Thanks for the welcome,

  10. Tony DePhillips permalink
    October 31, 2010 4:34 am

    To the Little Family,

    I read your heart wrenching story. I could not get through the “Little SP Declare” that was just too sick for me to want to wade through. The alter-is knows no bounds!!
    Your write-up was one of the best I have ever read. My wife and I did a similar thing as you all did. We resigned and ended up being Declared SPs as well. It used to bother me and now I think it is sort of sad and a bit comical.
    All the out points you listed are absolutley valid and logical. Of course the cult will not address them because they have no way of countering them.
    The one thing I realized which I didn’t get from your write-up is the cognition that the current church is headed by an SP, David Mismanage. How could an organization go so far off the rails without it being sanctioned from the top?? How is it that the “Orgs” cannot pay its staff a liveable wage if it really wasn’t being sabotaged from the top?
    Without further rant, I will say that your experience sort of “rehabbed” my own and I am so glad that you found out the truth. I am hoping your son wakes up now from the intoxicating Kool aide he has been drinking. I know the urge to be “benevolent” and “grant beingness” but sometimes it is just plain non-confront not telling others of the atrocities going on inside of this group. Atrocities that are justified with “the greatest good” and other intricate thought stopping alter-is lies and perversion of the truth.

    I wish you all the best.
    Tont DePhillips

    • Freetothink permalink
      October 31, 2010 2:43 pm

      That is TONY not “Tont” or Tonto unless I can coin a now nickname and be called “Taunt”!!

    • Meshell Little permalink
      October 31, 2010 7:34 pm

      TONY (& wife), !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      First of all we read your story too.

      Every single person who has been courageous enough to come out and say they are actually OUT gave us the strength we needed to do it as well. It was easy to find stories from 60’s, 70’s 80’s – but when we were reading stories from 90’s and 21 century – that really impacted us. It helped us realize we were not just nattery and wrong.

      At this time, I must truly thank each and every one of you for having the courage to stand up and withdraw support.

      Perhaps my life will be attacked by the almightly righteous group – but I have already told people that we left CoS and we expect there could be covert “attacks” (like my employment, where I live etc.).

      I’m glad our story helped you rehab your own decisions. I know exactly what you mean!

      You said, “I know the urge to be “benevolent” and “grant beingness” but sometimes it is just plain non-confront not telling others of the atrocities going on inside of this group. Atrocities that are justified with “the greatest good” and other intricate thought stopping alter-is lies and perversion of the truth”. ABSOLUTELY. I agree with you. I hope they read our story.

      I hope your family is doing well since leaving too. An update would be great….lol, those who don’t leave think our lives fall apart. NOT!


  11. Karen#1 permalink
    October 31, 2010 4:52 am

    This is a “Church” that lies LIES LIES LIES
    The SP Declares and many statements on their HATE WEBSITES have more fantasy than the juiciest TABLOIDS.

    You know the kind of Tabloid I am referring to ~~ My Boyfriend who was impregnated by an Alien is Having a Baby

    The SP declares embellish, lie, manufacture crimes out of whole cloth, it is pure PROPAGANDA.

    PROPAGANDA by trying to INFLUENCE those still in, to not communicate to the new “Declared SP”.

    It is unnatural for a CHURCH to be so associated with LIES, baloney and CODSWALLOP.
    They are fooling no one.

    The Internet is here to give the *OTHER* side of the story.

    The outright lies on my SP declare gave my friends a good chuckle. The outright lies on Marty and Mike are *OVER the moon.*

    Some of the more outrageous and criminal lies are the LIES called in to Law Enforcement ANONYMOUSLY to accuse the target of being~~

    A Terrorist
    A Drug Smuggler
    An Axe Murderer
    A Smuggler of Children for underage sex
    A Bomb planter
    Contacting local Health officials falsely claiming the subject’s pets are infected with AIDS
    Calling Mental Health officials to claim the person is insane needing incarceration.

    These are actual OSA vindictive LIES called in to “Utterly DESTROY the enemy”

    Happily LAW ENFORCEMENT are now co-ordinating and keep records of these “CHURCH of SCIENTOLOGY” anonymous phone call hogwash, wasting Law Enforcement time and giving a wonderful image of a CHURCH !


    Not content with having some 25,000 declares on record in the files of OSA as of 1998 or so, the new declares flush out like the Niagra Falls in quantity and abundance.

    Years of contribution are acknowledged with maliciousness and hatred, maniacal cackles of disinformation pretending they are Alpha dog and dominating the departed
    who feel a new resurgence to be gone from a group that gets madder and madder by the day.

    This Soap Opera is unreal. It should not be so. We should not have a live Jerry Springer show on the Internet in connection with a *CHURCH*.

    Jim, Meshell, Heather and Edie ~~ I walk beside you.
    My son Alexander Jentzsch manipulated to disconnect from me when I posted the TRUTH on Miscavige. I duplicate the scene.

    May the Force be With You.

    • Synthia permalink
      October 31, 2010 7:20 pm


      This post is where it’s at! THANK YOU. As my husband and I were just declared days ago (or we just found out about it days ago), it is nice to be part of a strong and intelligent group. The TRUTH is on the OUTSIDE.

      Regarding, “Years of contribution are acknowledged with maliciousness and hatred, maniacal cackles of disinformation pretending they are Alpha dog and dominating the departed who feel a new resurgence to be gone from a group that gets madder and madder by the day.”

      So true! After 25 years of unwavering and unselfish service, the staff at the org (supposedly our best friends) didn’t even have the decency to tell us that our SP Declare came down from on high and that it was being shown to staff and public while they will not show it to us stating that, “Showing it to the Fagen’s is not part of the procedure”. What’s the big secret? Surely we already know all the big, bad, horrible things we did making us worthy to be shunned? Or don’t we? Hmmm

      Meanwhile, the staff who have had their own integrity hijacked, sit back like empty corpses with no signs of intelligent life or sentient thought. It’s sad to watch.

      Thanks for your words of wisdom.


      • Meshell Little permalink
        October 31, 2010 10:16 pm


        You know, I was just thinking here…..someone has an MU about it not being part of the procedure to give it to you! Look up in Vol 1, regarding ethics orders, SP declares etc. I know there are a number of PLs that would cover this.

        I mean, just logically thinking here, if you wanted to challenge it, how could you if you are not even given the ethics order??? So if you really want a copy, your terminal is IJC via CJC. Call me for the tactical planning here. 😉 I’m one of the best little SPs out here!

        Like I said, a bunch of young adults “playing office” and weilding lightning bolts at public!!! Can I please say, ROBOTS. They can’t seem to think with the subject.


    • Meshell Little permalink
      October 31, 2010 7:50 pm

      Karen #1 😉

      My heart breaks for you. An ONLY child. I can’t even imagine that for very long because it’s too hard to confront. I have two other children to support me through this. I’m so sorry this happened to you. 😦

      This is really scary stuff you’re saying that they do……isn’t it weird how when we were on the inside we wouldn’t believe for one single minute the stories people were telling on the outside????

      I got the idea that you were “discovered by OSA” looking and reading and they started procedures against you. Is that what happened or did you decide to stand up publicly, knowing this would all happen.

      Another question, if you could rewind. Would you do it differently?

      I wouldn’t. There is just no way to describe the freedom.


    • Edie Fields permalink
      November 1, 2010 2:15 am

      In my opinion, THE FORCE, is with us on this blog and others. Thanks a bunch.

  12. Freetothink permalink
    October 31, 2010 5:49 am

    (After a 5 minutes standing ovation, with cheers & tears of joy & happiness)

    You guys are awesome! It never ceases to amaze me how we all have so much in common. Our observations & our experiences are so similar that you would think we are from the same Org, the same area. Yet we are a couple thousand miles away. I have no doubt that you guys were/are dedicated ethical Scientologists. All 4 of you look/sound very Theta. I’m glad you walked away together. I have no doubt you will soon be reunited with your son.

    I briefly looked at your site. I can see you guys have put a lot of work into it. I have not read your letter of resignation yet (I will very soon, you’re a great writer) but I’ve read your declare & your comments on it. I’m so glad you have a chance to post it & add your own comments on it. I’m a bit jealous also, since I haven’t seen mine either. Your comments were informative & entertaining but not necessary to convince me that the declare is just a bunch of BS.

    I couldn’t help laughing when you were describing how Jim handled some of the things differently than you & Heather. I think you all handled thing perfectly from each your own view point, LOL.

    Now that you are free from the suppression of the CoM you will be able to appreciate & celebrate your differences more than you ever thought possible. Good job to you & Heather for staying politely private about your feelings and thoughts. Good job to Jim for being pissed off & communicating it on FaceBook & ESMB. Keep in mind that no matter what any of you guys would have done you still would all have been declared. No matter how perfect, ethical & on Policy the result would have been the same. So I say each of you do what you feel you need to do to handle your own Universe 🙂 You are all great people so nothing you would do would be that bad 🙂 You might ruffle some feathers once in a while but you have plenty of Theta & Tech under your belt to fix it.

    Heck our religion has been highjacked by a mad man! Anything that helps you heal from the betrayal is a valid therapy in my book 🙂

    Sending all of you big hugs from Seattle, WA

    • Meshell Little permalink
      October 31, 2010 10:30 pm

      I’m still laughing with you Marie-Joe! I hear you!

      You are right about we would have still been declared no matter how quietly we might have left. Because someone at the local org failed to fully clear the word “PUBLIC” and can’t think with the subject of Admin Tech.

      LOL, course, like I said somewhere else, I think we nailed our coffin closed by actually saying in our Resignation Letter that we believed DM was the SP.

      Was very sad and unjust for Heather though. Only 16 years old and she has witnesses/experienced such a level of crap from this pompous organization that is shameful! I can promise you, the ONLY thing she did was go with us to the church that evening, sit in the chair and listen and when asked if she wanted “handled” or to be shown the truth, she said “I’m with them” (pointing to Jim and I). That is all, in its entirety. Evil bastards. Ooops, maybe it’s distastful to cuss here. Sort of sorry. 😉


      What we did that evening was a PRIVATE one!

      Oh Jim was enough to make me curdle. He was just “done with the whole thing”, pushed the “delete key” so to say and I was like…….shhhhh, quiet, lets just see what they do with this. We know Jeremy was at stake. Every time he’d spout off, I’d beat him. 🙂 He’d be quiet another week. Guess I really just wanted to see how they could word a declare with nothing to feed on.

      I’m happy to be where I am and my life started prospering the very week I made my decision in my universe. Huge chunks of mass disappeared.

      I love you all! Thanks for all your courage too!


  13. October 31, 2010 10:09 am

    Dear true family,

    You are not alone. Over here in Europe we are experiencing the same. You report sounded as you were describing our own org. I wanted to quietly quit and did the necessary steps and let them know without promoting it or talking about it to other Scientologists. The Org went into panic and promoted it that I’m a bad guy and afterwards accused me of promoting it ! nonsense. So some people disconnected, but we didn’t care as we knew who will disconnect first. We are a big family and prepared in advance any member of what could happen and the funny part is that each time the C.O.S is doing some nonsense action to handle us we become stronger as a Family and are less and less willing to accept their nonsense.
    Another thing is that some very active in good standing Scientologists told us that our friendship is not dependent on if we are in the church or not, that friendship means friendship !
    I don’t know how our story will end, but for sure they’ll not be able to break our family. Sometimes it hurts very much when one confronts the weirdness of their actions and sometimes one has just to laugh about it.
    I’m more and more building up friendships with people that asren’t scientologists and am very much surprised about how open you can talk to them, their granting of beingness, no eval or inval, just friendship. This I didn’t experience a lot while being in the C.O.S, there were mostly computations in any communication cycle.
    So Flourish and prosper, make new friends and your son will be back with you soon as the truth is powerful.


    • Meshell Little permalink
      October 31, 2010 10:52 pm

      How beautifully your plan worked and your family sticked together. That is how Heather, mom, Jim and I were. At first, Jeremy was on board with us too…..but waivered in the end.

      Sad, we had not one single friend that wasn’t “conditional”. None. Shameful. Disgusting.

      You know….I just wanted to say, isn’t this weird how “in the church” you actually get more evalution and invalidation than in the real world? I guess I mean on staff, actually. I noticed it a lot. I began to be very careful with anything I said because sure enough someone would be writing a KR on an outpoint in my comm or judging me somehow. It was sick. Communication is certainly kept in check.

      FREEDOM rings! I’m so glad to be out. In the STL org it’s almost all 2nd generation and most are related. A really “stick together” attitude. Outsiders coming on staff do not get the special “insiders treatment” or how should I say it, the special consideration. They know their mom, or their son-daughter what have you, didn’t mean a comment in a bad way etc., but that outsider……write em up!

      Jim and I went back on staff very briefly in early 2008. We tried so hard to make it go right with a full-time job and family. Both of us staff status 2 and they refused to just get him posted and paid for a post. Kept paying him expeditor wages. Guess it cut into their pockets. I wrote a KR on the whole thing (because a lot more was connected to it and I was pissed about it too) and probably shouldn’t have cc’d the ED, but I did. He ended up writing “off origin, return to sender. If Jim wants to write a report let him write one”. After I puked, I decided I was DONE trying to be a part of this off-policy group. GONE.

      Thanks for being here guys!

  14. earthmother permalink
    October 31, 2010 4:18 pm

    Wow. Just Wow. Excellent write up.
    Thank you for telling your story. Each voice adds to our collective and individual strength.

    Welcome to your new lives. 🙂

    Hugs from SoCal.

    • Meshell Little permalink
      October 31, 2010 10:53 pm

      Hugs right back at ya!!! Thanks. 🙂

  15. October 31, 2010 5:33 pm

    It’s a pleasure to meet you all. Best Wishes from Stockholm.

  16. Mary Jo permalink
    October 31, 2010 6:01 pm

    Thank you all for your courage and strength!
    Enjoy every day away from all that insanity – every day in the sunshine gets better and better !
    Your son will join you, just keep beaming the love and keep moving forward…
    More hugs from SoCal-

    • Meshell Little permalink
      October 31, 2010 10:55 pm

      Mary Jo – thank you. Are you the same one who is Joanne’s mom?

      • Mary Jo permalink
        November 1, 2010 4:36 am

        Yes! 🙂

      • Meshell Little permalink
        November 1, 2010 6:04 pm

        She is awesome! I’m so happy she took the time to write up her story.

        So funny, but I received an email back in 2008 that linked to your KR. I held my breath, closed one eye, clicked the link and ducked under the desk in case my screen exploded with SP goop and confidential OTIII data!!! Didn’t seem anything bad happened so I read it from across the room with one eye open and one eye closed just in case I had to run from the SP info in it!!! 😉

        I’m teasing, mostly. But that was my mindset when I decided I couldn’t hold back the curiosity anymore! I read the KR. I was BLOWN away by it and I wonder if I also read Sherry Katz one at the same time. I breifly looked over Marty’s site and was slightly intrigued but quickly distracted. Also, I think I thought it was so far out there that DM was being attacked that I didn’t spend any more time on the site.

        However, those KRs planted a huge seed for me. It was my very first experience in looking briefly outward. I called one of my friends and shared the info, because they had just experienced the same thing, and was very turned off by the whole subject. That’s a story for another time, if ever.

        But I just wanted you to know VERY WELL DONE!

        Thanks for keeping your integrity!

      • Freetothink permalink
        November 1, 2010 6:47 pm

        Meshell you are hilarious!!! I had a very similar experience when I decided to look at the Truth Rundown, LOL. By the time Mary Jocame out with her KR I was dancing & cheering all over my living room, LOL

        Mary Jo’s & Sherry’s KRs totally blew me away also & were a huge part of my decision along with everything wlse I had read.


      • Mary Jo permalink
        November 1, 2010 9:43 pm

        HI Meshell!

        You are such an expressive writer, I love it! I am very glad my write-ups helped in the wake-up process! 🙂

  17. October 31, 2010 6:39 pm

    I just want to personally thank everyone for your comments and support. I am sure you all know how it feels when you walk away and all your so called friends turn their backs. Thank you so very much from the bottom of my heart.

    Jim Little

  18. October 31, 2010 7:54 pm

    The HES is an imbecile.

    • Meshell Little permalink
      October 31, 2010 10:54 pm

      High Five Profant!

      Do you know him?

      • November 1, 2010 10:33 am

        No way but I can say from sensefulness of his actions.

  19. Cinnamon permalink
    November 1, 2010 1:40 pm

    It sounds like you are not willing to take this lying down. Not only have you written up your story for all to see on the internet, but possibly you could take action against them.

    One step that you can take, I think, is to contact the Missouri Attorney General’s office, and ask them about your legal rights.

    In the past, I have had very good results from contacting the Attorney General’s office in my state (for a non-Scientology matter). They helped me deal with a larger company that was being unfair with me. They were helpful because I did not need to get my own lawyer, or pay any legal fees – they did everything for me, and got immediate results.

    I would encourage you to call them, and explain your situation, and ask them about your rights.

    Here is the link to their Consumer Protection Division:

    And here is their hotline:

    (800) 392-8222

    If you do call them, please let us know how it goes.

  20. Jeff permalink*
    November 1, 2010 8:34 pm

    “I held my breath, closed one eye, clicked the link and ducked under the desk in case my screen exploded with SP goop and confidential OTIII data!!! Didn’t seem anything bad happened so I read it from across the room with one eye open and one eye closed just in case I had to run from the SP info in it!!!”

    Hilarious Meshell! And so true. We’ve all been through it!

    Sometimes people send e-mails or links to friends who are still in, and they don’t hear anything back so they assume it had no effect. I can tell you that these things DO make a difference. Every person who speaks out, who shows them the truth, who links to sources of real information, IS making a difference, even if you don’t see it right away.

    • November 3, 2010 2:09 am

      Yes, that email planted a seed that day! It truly impacted me and was the turning point of true doubt.

      It was truly a spam email though.

  21. November 1, 2010 8:36 pm

    Hi Littles!!

    I’m Allen Stanfield. I used to be the ED of the Peoria Missi0n way back in the late 80’s. I’ve probably been on course with a lot of you. Barry Coziahr’s daughter is my god daughter.

    I have to say that I am very impressed with you guys. You are all great writers and you are getting your story OUT THERE.

    And you are right – the most dangerous place to be is between a mother and her children.

    Looks like Davey fucked with the wrong Littles!

    Way to go, you guys. If you need any help, I live in Bloomington, IL.

    You can reach me here or on ESMB.

    It’s time to use legal means to take away the Church of Scientology’s ability to EVER do this to ANYONE ever again.

  22. sherrymk permalink
    November 1, 2010 11:02 pm

    Dear Wonderful Huge Magnificent “Littles”,

    Just a beautiful family. What a brilliant job of writing you’ve accomplished Meshell. Completely honest, no one would doubt it for a moment, heartfelt and data-action packed. One of the best write ups I’ve read as far as it’s potential to impact current C of Sers.

    It could be you were writing about Pasadena Org. Been there, experienced it all between years of OT Committee and then staff. I will say, in the brilliance of my hindsight, we apparently had it better than a lot of other Class V orgs, very small group with some very well intentioned, compassionate, and completely untrained OTs as Senior Execs. And we got creamed. Me especially, as, having been one of the rare, actually trained staff (and being as that I’m your “Jim Little” type), when you mess with me, I’ll fight you with all I’ve got, which, at the time, was LRH policy and tech..silly me! It’s great to be so done with that game!

    I’ve mentioned it before, but it was not without much forethought, that DM stated at an MV I attended “the way to boom your org is to put OTVllls at the helm and let them run with it”. Exactly. OTVllls are prime targets for “executing what DM says” and classically are untrained enough in admin and tech to not know the difference between a DM order and LRH policy.

    At any rate, give it some time and believe me, your friends will start contacting you. Know that there are probably many who feel the same way as you, but can’t make the jump to admitting it openly, or even to you privately.

    If you need anything, give me a holler.

    Sherry Katz

    • November 3, 2010 2:06 am

      Wow Sherry. I’m blushing. I hope people read it and are impacted. They need to wake up and realize that this didn’t just “happen to me”, it will happen to any one of them.

      I love you guys!

  23. ExIntStaffMember permalink
    November 2, 2010 5:32 pm

    It seems to me that the Little’s have a strong case of Libel and Slander against the “church.” Through false, defaming statements – both written and verbal – former friends and a son have turned their backs on them. Just sayin’. If you want to start a legal fund I will be one of the first to contribute.

  24. Summer Wind permalink
    November 2, 2010 7:07 pm

    You should be proud of your SP declare because that means you are suppressing
    The church of David Miscavage and that’s a GOOD THING!!!

  25. November 9, 2010 2:55 am

    I was more than a little glad to see someone updating me on how St. Louis Org had become. I was on staff there in the 1970s, seving on a number of posts from Public Reg, Qual Reveiw auditor, Dir Tech Services and D/Tech Sec. We thought we were small at that time because we only had 175 staff. My spouse and I left there to go public at Denver Org, CC and ASHO.
    Missed a lot of friends but did not miss the reason I left. The
    Finance Dictator there was found out to be an FBI agent, John Goth was the fake name he used. I had, yep, even back then, been sending up reports uplines to CS1 and CS7, and no action. No comm not to the liking of those running the org was sent uplines, it was intercepted. Finally one day the ED, Finance Dictator, and Senior CS had me int eh Exec Suyite and gave me an offer: 1. Go along with what they were doing…and all Scientology had to offer would be mine. 2. Continue to oppose them and I would be permanently declared and end of Bridge. 3. Blow staff and get declared.

    I decided to take none of the above. I knew this was coming (not my first time on staff, I had been on staff back in Canada before.) I gave them a copy of a CSW (Completed Staff Work I had done and sent to LRH) to leave staff as I felt to continue working there and contribute to what was happening was an overt and that I could do more for Scientology as public. It had been approved. I also gave them a written 30 day notice of leaving and told them they could check my ethics, auditing etc all they wanted and at the end of 30 days I was out of there.
    That is what happened with a lot of “drama”on their part to till when I left. Last day the HES tried to order me to the RPF, to which I said no. She then yelled out “HCO Bring Order” (this was the front lobby and back in those days that meant a crowded area.) a number of people stood up and advanced toward me. I only said one thing, “Try to stop me from leaving and many will be injured or looking for a new body, and I will still leave.”
    All sat back down and I left. I meant what I said, never be afraid to hurt another in a just cause.
    Many adventures since then till my wife and I left the org we were at then in 1986, walked away, never went back, refused all comm.
    Today we run a place where we audit and train people who are not of RTC or its ilk. Midwest Tech Center. A place where people win and make stable case gain at a price they can live with. Fun to do. First time I have ever told this story online.
    Get in comm if you wish.

    • November 9, 2010 4:53 pm

      Wow! That is a crazy story. Was that when the Org was on Lindell Blvd? I wonder if there is any public at the Org today that was part of the staff or public back then.

      I first walked into the STL Org back in 1990/91 when they were located on 9501 Page Blvd. But I first got involved with Scientology when I was living in San Jose, CA and did the DNS Seminar and Purf at Steven Creek in 1990.

      Please tell me more I love to hear new history.

      • Frank Davis permalink
        November 10, 2010 2:27 am

        I entered a very long and detailed reply.. and when I hit to post it I got an error code. Not going to go through all that again. Please feel free to contact me personally. For info if you do not have it, try:


        Not a lot of spare time at the moment. My wife and I just had a daughter pass away from heart failure. so involved with family affairs for the next few days.


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