Types of SP
Last year, I wrote a satirical essay about the “types of SP.” I never published it on this blog, but it seems it’s time to revisit the subject, as apparently the Church has now invented several more classes of SP.
With so many people getting declared these days, the C of S has quite a time keeping them all straight. Even though they declare someone, that does not mean that they can now talk to other SPs. Oh, no. The Church has to have ways of keeping some SPs from talking to other SPs. They have to keep SPs from speaking out. And there are even SPs that can’t leave the Int Base!
So here’s my updated list of “Types of SPs.”
Int Base SPs: Most people don’t know that Miscavige has declared most of Int Management. That’s right, they are declared SP. Yet they can’t leave the Base. They are on total lockdown, spending their time “applying their A to E steps,” doing physical labor, and generally trying to kiss up to Miscavige. People like Guillaume Lesevre, Marc Yager, Heber Jentsch and a reported 40 or 60 others. They stay in the Hole, also known as ‘SP Hall.’ This has been going on for about five years. Of course, they can’t communicate with other SPs. They can’t communicate with anyone off the Base!
Provisional SPs: I had experience with this one. The person is “declared SP,” a declare order is written and published, and the person is informed that they are declared but the declare is “held in abeyance” pending their good behavior. They are told that their declare is “provisional. If they shape up and do as they are told, then maybe it will be cancelled. When I was sent out to the PAC Ranch, as described in Counterfeit Dreams, it was with just such a “provisional declare.” Most of the Int Base Execs have “provisional declares.”
Verbal SPs: They don’t actually issue SP declares any more – they are “confidential.” Since they can’t show anyone anything in writing, it’s usually verbal: “so-and-so is an SP,” or just “You shouldn’t be talking to so-and-so.” There are a whole bunch of code words and phrases:”So-and-so has gone over to the dark side.” “So-and-so has been in comm with squirrels.” “So-and-so is disaffected” (or, as we say, “disinfected”). A good Scientologist is supposed to take the hint, disconnect from the person, and never, never ask questions or ask to see it in writing.
Tame SPs: These are the people who, although declared SP, are ‘working on their A to E steps’ and paying off their Freeloader Debt. They are quiet, compliant, and don’t make waves. And they even do certain chores, like spying on other SPs and reporting to OSA. And they never, never talk to “bad SPs.” Some of these have been bought – they were paid cash settlements, or were offered “deals” where they are allowed to talk to their family or have their Freeloader Debt cancelled. Even though “declared,” they are still very firmly under the Church’s thumb.
Good SPs: They aren’t necessarily doing their A to E steps, and they are not paying their Freeloader debt, but at least they don’t speak out and they don’t make waves. They are quiet. They may read the chat groups and internet sites, but they don’t post under their own names. They don’t make any trouble for the Church, at least not openly. They are nice and quiet. They may be reading and looking and thinking and talking, but they keep it “under the radar.”
Bad SPs: These are the ones that make trouble. They write about their experiences on the inside. They reveal the abuse, the lies, the fraud. They talk to others. They post under their own names. They demonstrate. They speak out. They are not quiet.
Borderline SP: Thanks to Karen De La Carriere for alerting me to this one. This, apparently, is a Scientologist who does not go to events, or, if they do, are a little slow standing up for David Miscavige’s standing ovations, or a little too quiet with their “hip-hip-hoorays.” And yes, they have OSA staff at the events, looking at the attendees and texting their seniors if anyone shows “bad indicators.” That’s right, they spy on attendees and report in real time. A “borderline SP” is a Scientologist who reads thing they are not supposed to on the internet, or talks to people the Church thinks they shouldn’t be talking to. It’s someone who doesn’t report when they are told to, or donate when they are told to.
There may be more types of SPs, but these are the classes I know of. Hey, there are plenty of classifications for everyone. So it’s not just 2 ½ percent anymore – it’s a game anyone can play.
Or not. Personally, I couldn’t care less what labels Scientology hands out. Because outside of their tiny little dysfunctional totalitarian empire, no one cares.
You can see where this is heading, can’t you? Having stripped the term SP of any real meaning it may have had and turned it into a political term, the next step will be the complete commercialization of the word. Thus, we’ll have:
The Negotiable SP: SP will become a marketable commodity. Except in reverse. Instead of getting people to want it, you get people to want to get rid of it. And you offer to cancel the declare if they do exactly what you want. “If you do us this favor, we’ll cancel your SP declare.” “If you speak out publicly against the bad SPs, we’ll cancel your SP declare.” Maybe they’ll even start accepting a cash payment, just like the Medieval indulgences!
Actually, it’s a pretty good reverse marketing gimmick. Invent a derogatory term, label people with it, then offer to “remove the label” if they do something for you.
“You’re declared a Boojum.”
“It means you’re a very evil person!”
“But wait a minute, I’m not an evil person!”
“In that case, do exactly what we tell you to do and we’ll cancel your Boojum declaration. And, today only, we’ll also offer you a dozen virgins when you get to heaven.”
Clever. People might even fall for it.
If they don’t figure out that it’s just the meaningless babble of a dying cult.