Skip to content

Following the Light Into the Darkness

September 10, 2010

I have wanted for some time to open this blog up to other contributors. Here is the first of what I hope to be many guest contributions, from Lunamoth, whom I consider a brilliant writer.

by Lunamoth

I had a visit from an old friend today. At least, she looked like my old friend. The woman who showed up at my door with the borrowed item she was returning looked a lot like her, but something important was missing. There was some intangible change, some diminution of life force like a lowered flame that made her almost hard to recognize. The experience was like seeing someone who looks so much like someone you know, but it’s not really them.

It had been a year since I’d sent her and two other close friends that link to the St. Petersburg Times article, and since that time she had stopped responding to my emails. It was even longer since we’d seen each other. This was a drastic change to our long‐standing habit of getting together several times a year. I hugged her hello, as we have always done, but there was no welcoming embrace in return. Her words were impersonal, with none of the happiness I felt at seeing her again after all this time. She looked at me, but didn’t make eye contact. Hard to do, standing a mere foot or so away from me as she was.

Since I’d sent that link to those few friends our relationships had changed dramatically. These women, my dear friends, are people with whom I have shared decades of my life. We have worked together, laughed together, raised our children together, weathered lost jobs, bankruptcy, marriages, divorce, the death of parents, the births of children, and lately, grandchildren. I love these women. They are my friends, my sisters.

The link I sent them was to the interviews done by a St. Petersburg Times reporter last year, interviews with Jeff Hawkins, Marty Rathbun, Steve Hall, and Amy Scobee, among others. If you’ve seen those interviews, I need say no more. (If you haven’t seen them, they’re still available to be viewed on that paper’s website). In sending this link, I knew I was sticking my head in a hornet’s nest. There was a very good chance its content would be construed as “enemy line” and that they would not be well received. But how could I not tell people I loved what I’d found out? Was it even an option to not warn them of the crimes against their friends and family, and against their own principles and creed, that a few leaders of our “church” were committing with impunity and in relative secrecy? There was no question that I had to pass on what I’d found out. The question was only how to mitigate the damage it would likely do to our friendships.

As it turns out, the organization known as the Church of Scientology is pretty good at this particular aspect of damage control. I was naïve and completely outclassed by the speed of its machinery , and by the willingness of various DSA’s and others to “handle” by any means necessary the threat that this information poses to the church. Through the use of third party and whispering campaigns, and in the case of one friend who was auditing on OT VII, a creepy degree of influence over her thoughts and actions, my friends were persuaded in short order that I was “bad” and to distance themselves from me.

Other friends and even family members of mine were spoken to by mutual “friends.” They stopped communicating with me. Third party is pretty effective when you cannot communicate to clear it up. So all three of these women cut the line of many years with me. They stopped returning my calls and my emails. But first there were comments to me that I had “chosen the wrong side” (side?), that the information I wanted them to look at was “entheta,” that “looking was OSA’s job. “ That one about floored me. I really thought I knew this woman, and she was saying she had no personal responsibility, not even a personal interest, in knowing the truth?

But before our relationships were severed, our conversations via email were taken over by OSA. Whether OSA was actually in the room with the keyboard or not is of no consequence to me. After 25 years of knowing and communicating with someone, you recognize the distinctive personality in their written and spoken words. I can honestly say that the few emails these women sent in response to my attempts to talk to them were not recognizable as their own communication. Syntax, vocabulary, even sign‐offs, were different in these emails from the previous thousands of emails I’d received from these women spanning many years. The text of the new emails from these three was remarkably consistent in length, content and tone one to the other, and the communications were completely sanitized of any characteristic language, viewpoints, humor, or anything remotely personal. I was either being spoken to by church terminals directly or through my friends.

One exchange in particular was a real anomaly. This friend is an artist, very warm, soft and gracious in manner, a little self-deprecating. She has never been a “champion of LRH” as much as someone trying and not succeeding too well in pursuing her own muse while still navigating the culture of Scientology. Those last emails from her were hard and cold, probing, asking pointed questions obviously intended to get me to make anti-Scientology statements in writing. The tone was so imperious, and so completely unlike that particular friend, that in exasperation I finally responded “Who the hell IS this?” There was no response to that one, and no further communication to this day. The actual death of that line had apparently come earlier, and now all pretense of a connection between my friend and myself was dropped.

So here I found myself today, sitting in my living room having a cup of coffee with my “friend.” Over the hour or so she was here we never touched on the subject that stood between us, completely avoiding any mention of the elephant in the room. The initial awkwardness of this visit never really dissipated completely, but there were times during that hour when I heard the spontaneous laugher or an offhand remark that I recognized as uniquely hers. I could also hear the stress and utter fatigue in her voice at other times. Overall, she was unusually subdued, a little grim. She obviously has stuff going on. So like I always do I asked about it. She talked about a failed project of years duration she’d recently had to abandon due, she said, to some local bureaucrat, and how that had left her owing money to several family members. Her ex was not doing well, having never recovered from his short but unsuccessful stint in the S.O. a couple of years ago. I heard about how “people” will do things that are destructive and mean, because “people are like that.” Then there was the one adult child who had been recently fitness‐boarded out of the Sea Org after many years of service due to health problems , by their nature obviously post related. Another adult child, also ex‐S.O., was doing “all right, “ said with a sigh and a grim expression and a “You know her.” And now the youngest child had just recently routed in to the Sea Org. She really didn’t want to talk about that one.

While listening to her make “small talk” about various things that are wrong in her life, I realized suddenly and with some sadness that this woman, in all the time I’ve known her, has never really done well. Yet she seems to value LRH’s tech on handling life so much that she would cut me off in a misguided attempt to preserve it. I can say pretty confidently that this woman has probably realized at least as much good from her long‐term friendships as she has factually realized from her own personal application of LRH tech. I’ve been there, watching it all, for 25 years.

What my friend apparently perceived as an attack on LRH was not that at all. The stories she should have listened to in full, but obviously didn’t, were not OSA’s “business as usual” attacks on Hubbard and the Scientology religion. That difference was purposefully obfuscated and the truth manipulated by the church terminals who have “handled” her. My friend has been told what the interviewees said, and she’s been told what to think of it, and she’s been told what to conclude about me. So those interviews and their content are not what has really come between us, that’s not the truth. After all, the truth would set her free, wouldn’t it? And let me tell you, this long‐time scientologist is not free. She becomes more mired in debt and problems and failed projects and family disappointments every year. Now add to that the loss of lifetime friendships. And despite her efforts to do so and the many thousands of dollars she has spent, she still doesn’t move on the bridge.

Nope. Not free. So what is the truth?

Well, I can tell you what the truth is for me, because I have been there, on the precipice where she is standing. I have one child, not several, who’s love and company I was in danger of losing if I violated the church’s mandate on ‘looking.” And like all three of my friends, I momentarily considered that I risked my eternity. And those two things, her children and her imagined future as a spiritual being, these are the real reasons I believe she doesn’t look.

As a long time Scientologist, she’s been through the wars, the purges, the hobby‐horsed campaigns by management, the various evolutions, the regging, the compulsory bridge redo’s, and the Gold Age of Bullshit. She’s had her life turned upside down by the treatment of her pregnant S.O.‐member daughter and the unsuccessful attempts by her “church” to coerce the abortion of her first grandchild. This woman, who learned the creed of a Scientologist early on, is a strong, independent woman at heart with a lot of compassion and integrity. Yet she seems to have no real anchor in life but organized Scientology, and still she is constantly the effect of so much. She cannot bear to lose her connection with her children, and she mistakenly fears the loss of her “eternity.” And those are the things that keep her toeing the line.

But for her to fully view that situation would end with her having to admit to herself that her continued support of a corrupt organization and her willingness to abandon a friend are both the result of extortion by her own church.It’s there, that truth. She feels it on some level. She can make out its dim outline in the darkness where her awareness refuses to go. She doesn’t look directly at it. She doesn’t want to see it too clearly, because she has no solution for the problem this creates for her.

It’s what Scientologists refer to as a suppressive situation.

I can’t judge her, and since discarding so much of my old paradigm, I no longer feel obligated to and I don’t want to. I understand the situation she finds herself in, and it makes me sad because I can’t save her the inevitable pain that she is trying so hard to avoid, but which she is creeping closer to all the time. The church she thinks she is protecting is already dead. Fortunately for her, her eternity was never under its stewardship. My friend has simply been abdicating her responsibility for it for quite a while, and that never works out.

Ironically, I realized that from auditing.

So I said goodbye to my friend at the door, and I may never see her again. She’s moving. She probably won’t write for the obvious reasons. And I’m a little sad, but it’s only because I can’t show her the truth to protect her from what is coming.

I can’t save her from the light she is following, the one she sees at the end of the tunnel, the one that is the proverbial oncoming train.

Advertisements
71 Comments
  1. Tony DePhillips permalink
    September 10, 2010 10:49 pm

    Dear Lunamoth,

    Beautiful and haunting.

    Not everyday does writing bring tears to my eyes.

    ML,
    Tony

    • lunamoth permalink
      September 11, 2010 2:55 am

      It is a little sad, isn’t it, Tony? Thank you for being willing to be sad about this in order to understand what I had to say. It points up the fact that unwillingness to experience
      sadness, disappointment, frustration and what is often called “low-toned emotions” can
      result in cutting oneself off from the truth.

      ML,

      lunamoth

      • Tony DePhillips permalink
        September 12, 2010 12:39 am

        Lunamoth,

        I like fluctuating on the tone scale.

        False enthusiasm or “tone-40” ( I hate the term tone-40 ) was never my thing.
        🙂

  2. craig permalink
    September 10, 2010 10:58 pm

    Lunamoth,

    Beautifully written. Your story is sad, beautiful, truthful, and poignant — and unfortunately not uncommon. As we’ve discussed many times. You can make someone look, but you can’t make them see. They see when they are ready.

    It is hard to just stand and watch them walk into that dark tunnel alone. But we can’t deny them their own journey. All we can do is be on the other side waiting when they finally emerge.

    • lunamoth permalink
      September 11, 2010 3:07 am

      “You can make someone look, but you can’t make them see. ”

      Yeah, Craig, and sometimes you can’t even make them look! LOL!

      Yes, we’ve talked about this many times. I count myself very lucky that you are one of those
      who are taking this journey with me. I didn’t have to leave ALL my friends behind.

      Absolutely, we will be standing just outside the tunnel when they come squinting into the light!

  3. Joe Howard permalink
    September 10, 2010 11:51 pm

    Wonderfully written. Reading it I realized that there is another kind of dissemination among Scientologists these days, the kind you sent to your friends in that link. And there is probably a kind of dissemination drill that is needed to bring Scientologists to understanding. We know all too well what their ruin is.

    • lunamoth permalink
      September 11, 2010 3:11 am

      Joe,

      I broached this idea with Jim Logan many months ago on Marty’s blog, the idea of using the dissem
      drill to salvage ruined Scientologists. If you come up with an execution of that that works your legacy will be even greater than your tech film fame.

      lunamoth

  4. Mary Jo permalink
    September 11, 2010 12:05 am

    Dearest Lunamoth,

    Thank you for this! Once again you are able to express so skillfully a very personal situation that is actually a very universal one. All with your huge heart and big eyes willing to look at it all.

    You speak for many that are mourning losses and having to accept that we each have our own path and can only truly travel it alone.

    It is the pretenses of the current church that continue to entrap so many beings – but it takes a concerted effort to accept and buy those pretenses.

    It is disappointing and it is unnerving to witness. But it is what it is.

    I am so glad to have you as my friend. We have all been overdue in experiencing what friendship really is.

    Love always,
    Mary Jo

    • lunamoth permalink
      September 11, 2010 3:17 am

      MJ

      Pretense by the church…a concerted effort to buy them…disappointing and unnerving – absolutely!

      You know I agree wholeheartedly with the friendship issue, too. My friendships have increased in quantity and quality since stepping out of the church’s little box, to a degree that I could not have predicted before leaving.

      Ironic and sweetly poetic how being willing to lose friendships rather than ones own integrity results in having both.

      love

      lunamoth

      • Synthia permalink
        September 11, 2010 6:44 am

        “Ironic and sweetly poetic how being willing to lose friendships rather than ones own integrity results in having both.”

        Amen!

      • Mickey permalink
        September 11, 2010 7:11 am

        Lunamoth….

        “Ironic and sweetly poetic how being willing to lose friendships rather than ones own integrity results in having both.”

        And more importantly, as one door of friendship closes, others have opened up. Resulting in positive net gains. After reading this, I believe once your friend gets away from the immediate scn voices gnawing at her, she’ll be reflecting on the seeds of inquiry you’ve left in her mind.

      • Mary Jo permalink
        September 11, 2010 2:49 pm

        “Ironic and sweetly poetic how being willing to lose friendships rather than ones own integrity results in having both. ”
        Such sooth!

      • lunamoth permalink
        September 11, 2010 4:16 pm

        Mickey, you make a very good point. I had to “get away from the immediate scientology voices gnawing at (me)” before I looked. I do believe that is what
        it takes for some of us and I have no doubt that if our friends, any of them, were
        able to do that (get away), the scrim that the church has woven around them would
        start to unravel. At the very least, that flimsy curtain would be susceptible to a well-informed friend giving a good yank.

  5. September 11, 2010 12:35 am

    Lunamoth,

    A poignant tale.

    Watching someone steadfastly following a dwindling spiral is painful even at a distance.
    If she ever wakes up, I am sure she will remember you as a terminal she can turn to.

    If you ever want to share your stories with my readers, you will find an eager audience.
    You are a terrific writer! 🙂

    David St Lawrence

    • lunamoth permalink
      September 11, 2010 7:33 am

      I’ve found a lot of wisdom and good advice on your blog, David, so your kind words and the invitation mean a lot to me. Thank you.

      lunamoth

  6. Marta permalink
    September 11, 2010 1:46 am

    Lunamoth,

    You know I am a fan, of your writing and your spirit. You’ve touched me, again. And the touch is very, very much appreciated, indeed.

    Love,
    Marta

    • lunamoth permalink
      September 11, 2010 7:34 am

      And I am a fan of yours, Marta! Would we have a good time over a cup of coffee or what?

      lunamoth

  7. Synthia permalink
    September 11, 2010 2:37 am

    Lunamoth,

    This line sent shivers down my spine:

    “She can make out its dim outline in the darkness where her awareness refuses to go. ”

    How eloquently stated, poetic, powerful and insightful.

    This heart wrenching vignette describes something so real to all of us and yet so very surreal to observe in real time. How many different layers of understanding and emotion you must intricately weave through while watching your friend “disappear”.

    I admire your selflessness here. What a true friend she and your other misled friends really have. One day they will realize this and will be forever grateful to you for not judging them while in their semi comatose state of delusion.

    I second what Mary Jo has stated above, “I am so glad to have you as my friend. We have all been overdue in experiencing what friendship really is.” You exemplify this completely.

    Love,

    Synthia

    • lunamoth permalink
      September 11, 2010 7:47 am

      Synthia,

      It’s still amazing to me how we can share what are really personal experiences and find out that, as Mary Jo said, they are really universal. You often post thoughts and points of view that have that effect on me.

      One of the best things about being out is that all the best people seem to be out here,
      and I’m ridiculously happy to found you guys.

      lunamoth

  8. Karen#1 permalink
    September 11, 2010 3:40 am

    Dearest Lunamoth,

    What a lovely essay. Jeff says you are a “Brilliant writer”. You are.
    It is only natural for a human being to want his life to be the best and happiest he can strive for in his 70 odd years within the lifetime.

    It is completely contrary to the dynamic urge to have a happy life, to have comm lines severed and controlled, KR’d, police polygraphed in order to gain OSA Intel (not for the benefit of the pc, but for HCO and OSA.)

    The culture within the Church has become a culture of disconnection, of whispering campaigns, of turning friend against friend, child against parent, business owner against employee…..and all this might be the single most DEADLY WEAKNESS in spite of their MEST wealth~~~~, that can actually or potentially lead to downfall (Achilles heel)
    EVEN with their $1 billion in reserves and millions in glossy Real Estate.

    It violates that THETA LAWS senior to MEST laws. It makes the Church enemy stat grow straight up and vertical. And they are on a one way FREEWAY of high speed in concrete unable to make a U Turn. It is quite sad.

    But I bet you were as surprised as I was to the sheer abundance and affluence of true new friendships made as one exited the ” Church” A Church that is now a KGB type spy activity, Knowledge Reporting to Ethics Officers any sentence that was dissident and did not follow the party lines.

    There is a new obnoxious and illegal thing DM has evolved in the tech arena.
    If you give up something in session, it is NON-ACTIONABLE in Ethics per LRH.

    So the way DM gets around it, is that the pc is now CSed for “Not auditing you” HCO Sec check questions, around what he just gave up in session !!!!!! So it is now actionable….

    Thank you for this great essay.
    love/Karen

    • lunamoth permalink
      September 11, 2010 7:54 am

      Thank you, Karen.

      You are absolutely correct about the culture within the church and what it has become. I would not have believed it would ever be allowed to degenerate to this, twenty or so years ago. And yes, I was a surprised as you about the sheer abundance of theta and friendship to be found “outside.”

      I’m aware of that dirty little c/sing trick that dm is pulling on pc’s in session. I experienced it myself. I had no context for what was going on at the time, and I certainly thought it was only me. But another thing you gain on the outside is perspective, and I can now see so much of what was wrong with my last auditing for what it was, and how it all fits into m’s psychotic, compulsive urge to cave-in, nullify, squash, invalidate and destroy.

  9. September 11, 2010 10:38 am

    “She can make out its dim outline in the darkness where her awareness refuses to go. ”

    Tell this to your sons and their sons, there is no OT.

    • Aeolus permalink
      September 11, 2010 7:10 pm

      Allen,

      Probably everyone on this blog would agree that the CofS has not delivered what it promised regarding OT. In fact these days they don’t deliver much of anything but status symbols. From that though, it does not follow that there is no OT.

      Down through the ages, and way before Scientology, there have always been a few people here and there with remarkable OT perceptions and abilities. Acually I think everyone has this to some degree, even if it’s as simple as thinking about a long-lost friend shortly before the phone rings.

      Granted, I’ve never seen anyone walk through walls, but I did once watch a 70-year-old five-foot-tall Aikido master standing relaxed with his hands at his sides while four big football players could not lift him off the ground. Even with my background in engineering, I can’t explain what I saw in any terms other than spiritual. It was a powerful dream to think that I could pay my money, hold the cans and end up with abilities greater than that old man, but it was not to be. Maybe next lifetime, I’ll study Aikido.

      By the way Lunamoth, that was a powerful piece of writin’. Keep it coming.

      • September 11, 2010 9:42 pm

        Aeolus –

        I actually do agree with you. It is possible that some state like “OT” does exist somewhere that is attainable by human beings.

        But “OT”, as Hubbard defined it, and as he claimed was attainable through Scientology, does not exist.

        It is the state of “OT”, as Hubbard defined it and as claimed by Hubbard, which is used to justify ALL of the fraud and abuse in Scientology. Peoples’ families, friends, businesses are destroyed through disconnection ultimately BECAUSE they believe OT exists, as Hubbard defined it, and they believe that Scientology will take them there.

        After 60 years of Scientology delivery, not one OT has been made, as LRH defined the state. Even L Ron Hubbard ended up in very non-OT circumstances.

        Since Scientology does not, and never has, created OTs as defined by L Ron Hubbard, all the fraud and abuse in Scientology exists without any justification whatsoever.

        And Lunamoth’s friend, once she realizes that, can be Lunamoth’s friend again.

        And all of the families that have been destroyed, and all of the friendships, can all be repaired. Because we are all just human beings who, deep down, want to love one another, be friends, and live long and happy lives.

        Without OT as Hubbard defined it, that can happen.

        With OT as Hubbard defined it, it can’t.

        As Lunamoth’s beautiful portrait shows.

      • lunamoth permalink
        September 11, 2010 10:07 pm

        Allen

        I will let you have your own interpretation of the significance of the events I wrote about, but I also want to make it clear that your idea of what it means is different
        from mine.

        I am not making any comment on the state of OT here. I’m not even making any
        statement on Hubbard. I’m saying what I’m saying. Everyone reading it will see it
        through the lens of their own experience and will filter it through their own truths, and that’s fine with me. It has to be, because that’s the only way it works.

        L

        lunamoth

    • Valkov permalink
      September 12, 2010 10:32 am

      Alan,

      Really inappropriate.

      This is incrediblyoff-topic and apparently self-serving. How can you insert your propagandistic thought-stoppers into a heartfelt thread like this? It does make you seem like a heartless person with a one-track mind….

      • Tony DePhillips permalink
        September 13, 2010 4:46 am

        Plus 1.
        Face palm.
        Allen your crude interjections take away from a lot of the brilliant things that you say.

  10. September 11, 2010 10:46 am

    Beautiful, Lunamoth.

    What I love about this is how you focused on one person, and your single relationship with them, and told the whole story of Scientology.

    The world needs more of your writing.

    • lunamoth permalink
      September 11, 2010 4:17 pm

      Thanks for the kind words, Allen.

      lunamoth

  11. September 11, 2010 2:07 pm

    *hug*

  12. lunamoth permalink
    September 11, 2010 4:17 pm

    Prrr.

  13. AMY'S MOM permalink
    September 11, 2010 5:08 pm

    Hi Lunamoth,

    How beautifully you write! You expressed so much of what I’ve been feeling. I was with my Org for 13 years and know how hard they all tried to make a go of it inspite of the insanities coming down from DM via Mgmt. When the group decided we needed to own our own building so that all the energy wasn’t going toward rent each month and we’d be able to concentrate on freeing people instead, they started on a deathslide into the DM Idle Org trap. Eight years later they had satisfied DMs requirements and held the Grand Opening.

    It’s now one month later and the Org is a ghost town. The 170 reported staff have evaporated to about 20 per org, with only a handful of public on service. So many years of dedicated service, so much faith in the dream and there they sit in a deserted building spouting wrong whys.

    In the meantime, free from the yoke of falsehoods and suppression, I am feeling more freedom than I have in the last 30 years. So I know what they are missing.

    I know all the arguments of how they’re all sheeple, have blindly followed DMs led, etc., but my heart still hurts for them. And I sincerely wish them truth.

    • lunamoth permalink
      September 11, 2010 5:42 pm

      Amy’s Mom,

      Sheeple is a pretty derogatory term, but it expresses the frustration, pain and even anger we all feel when confronted with someone who’s stupidity (unknowness of exact time, place, and event, as well as the good old English language definition) gets in the way of our quest (and their own) for love, life, freedom, happiness. But you’re right, there are inordinately good, dedicated, selfless people falling into that group right now. When you know them personally you can’t help but want to help them.

  14. Suzanne permalink
    September 11, 2010 5:41 pm

    Beautiful and tragic, Lunamoth. You are a phenomenal writer, my friend.

    Funny, I was laying in bed this morning thinking about the whole disconnection thing. When you are “out”, the true insanity of the practice really comes to light.

    I was thinking about “Scientological fair weather friends”. Basically, most Scientologists will maintain a friendship with you as long as you meet two criteria:

    1) you must be 100% “on board” and
    2) you must not be doing poorly in ANY area of your life. (Who the hell wants to be friends with a “PTS”? One only wants to be associated with the “able” and with the “upstats”.)

    In other words, you are not “allowed” to express any sort of doubt about Scientology, NOR are you allowed to speak candidly about non-optimum circumstances in your life such as money problems, illness, cancer or anything else that might be deemed “out PR”. If you do, you must always end you sentence with “…but I’m getting auditing to handle it” or “I’m seeing the MAA for that”. You must NOT dump your “sit” onto another person’s lines unless you already have a “solution”. God forbid you should just need a friendly ear or a shoulder to cry on. If you’ve got a problem, it had better have a pretty bow on it.

    So, just when you need a REAL friend – someone who will stand by you through thick and thin – they are fuckin’ outta’ there. When the “thick” gets “thin” – when the “going gets tough” – you will be abandoned. I’m generalizing, of course, but nuances of these viewpoints pepper all Scientology “friendships”. I know – I used to attempt to hold these viewpoints myself and can now see how perverted they were. It was certainly against the nature of this natural-born “casserole bringer”.

    Sadly, the “PTS person” goes into agreement with all this, retreats and doesn’t reach out for help to those who should be there for him. The poor soul has to go it alone or, hopefully, with at least a supportive spouse.

    So, I contend that, if you were a die-hard Scientologist – you very likely never had a “true blue” friend. So, when they disconnect from you – why all the kerfuffle? Rather, is it not a blessing?

    I am grateful every day for my REAL friends and family. I now have people in my life who – if I were having trouble – they would be there for me. And I sure as hell would be there for them! Without judgment. Just pure UNCONDITIONAL love.

    • lunamoth permalink
      September 11, 2010 11:02 pm

      Suzanne

      We’ve commiserated on this point quite a bit, and I don’ t think we’ve ever descended into “whiney” territory, which is pretty remarkable.

      When you consider the magnitude of the loss we SHOULD feel, it’s simply amazing that we haven’t experienced it. THIS is what I would call case gain IF I were still using that phrase. Had an auditing session delivered this result of making me feel so empowered, so free, so
      happy and so connected to many wonderful beings, I might be donating thousands of dollars to whatever they wanted me to donate to right now.

      But this state I find myself in is the result of making the right choices, of reclaiming my integrity, of
      treating others with compassion and understanding, and not least of all, it’s the result of finding really good people and having honest, heartfelt communication with mutual respect and the knowledge that I can learn a lot from the experiences and differing opinions of others. And like me, it’s free.

      • Mary Jo permalink
        September 12, 2010 1:15 am

        Amen!

  15. September 11, 2010 6:33 pm

    Lunamoth,
    Everyone of us here was blind.
    Something got us to rub our eyes.
    Even then we couldn’t see. We blinked and blinked and blinked.
    Then we saw. Saw what’s in front of us. Simplicity and Beauty of this world and life and achieving better states and…

    Your friend has to have SOMETHING (to even start rubbing her eyes).

    The whole point of Scn is about being impressed, and trying to impress others.

    • lunamoth permalink
      September 11, 2010 10:40 pm

      Yes, VaD. But there are varying degrees of blindness, and then there is keeping your eyes shut on purpose. I believe that the decision to see precedes the ability to see. And the decision to NOT
      look is a decision to NOT see.

  16. Sinar permalink
    September 11, 2010 9:51 pm

    Lunamoth,
    Very well written and very sad story – Thanks for sharing.

    It’s amazing that Mestology affects dynamics it really has no business in, operating in an insidious manner. The most liberating realization for me was that Dear Leader and his minions & cult he created really have no cause over my eternity, though that is pounded in and perhaps implanted.

    It is completely different than the LRH tech and organizations I joined up with, to a point where a dissem drill has to be applied! Pretty smart idea, Dan!

    • lunamoth permalink
      September 11, 2010 10:37 pm

      Amen, brother! on Mestology operating in an insidious manner. Not the group I joined, either.

      Yes, the realization that you and only you control your own future/eternity is immensely
      liberating, Sinar! And judging by the way in which I actually shed that one, I do believe it
      is a virtual implant!

      L

      lunamoth

  17. It's me again permalink
    September 11, 2010 10:23 pm

    Lunamoth,

    I find it interesting that your friend came to see you and talked to you about her problems. She must find you to be a valuable friend even if she is in situation that she cannot confront. I am sure your other friends still think about you and miss your company deep in their souls. This is something they will have to work out for themselves. After all, how many theta people like you are in their lives now, especially one that is such a “smart cookie”?

    Love, Me

    • lunamoth permalink
      September 11, 2010 10:34 pm

      What a lovely sentiment. Thanks, Me.

      L

      lunamoth

  18. Independent Scientologist permalink
    September 11, 2010 11:22 pm

    A few months back, when I had my foot about 3/4 out the door, I spoke on the phone to a good Scientology friend of mine, an OT III who has been stalled on the Bridge for a long time and not doing well in life (his admission), and though I was astonished that he was so willing to listen to all my doubts and disagreements concerning the church and DM, I was more astonished that after listening to me it simply did not indicate to him that there was anything seriously and fundamentally wrong with the church.

    Even despite an experience a few years back where he went to Flag to get some sort-out auditing and instead came back owning several sets of the Basics.

    I haven’t heard from my friend since our intense conversation, and don’t know when to expect another phone call. Is he still digesting what I told him? Or has he written me off?

    I’m sure a lot of Scientologists still inside the church are turning a blind eye to all of the outpoints.

    But based on my experience with my friend I have to believe that many church members find it beyond their wildest imagine to consider that the church has been hijacked by an SP dictator. I know it’s true, but every so often even I still stop and ask myself “How could this POSSIBLY have happened?!!!”

    I look forward to the day when all Scientologists feel free to talk to all other Scientologists, in the church or not, happy or disaffected or any shade in between.

    Ron Matlock

    Ron Matlock

    • lunamoth permalink
      September 12, 2010 9:40 pm

      Independent Scientologist (Ron)

      I’ve had similar experiences to yours with your OT III friend. I will say this: I read Geir Isene’s Doubt formula many months before I started actively looking. It had no apparent affect on my
      viewpoint at the time, but I can look back now and see it planted a big seed. Nothing about the
      church that I viewed after that time did I see exactly the same as I had before. You’ve planted
      a seed. Fortunately for you, the c of m is all about nurturing those seeds of dissension right now.
      I doubt you will have to do anything but sit back and wait.

  19. Freetothink permalink
    September 12, 2010 3:44 am

    Lunamoth, thank you for the beautiful but tragic story. Universal, it is truly.

    Like Amy’s Mom (we’re both from the same area :-)), I feel for my “friends”. Ican’t help but rejoice with them at the final accomplishment of finally owning their own building. Some of them have been working at this for so long. They have invested $, time & all their hopes.

    How sad now for them to see that the building as not brought the crowds & reach that they were promised. Sometimes I wish I could be there by their sides, cheering them up & helping them seeing the right “why”. But they have chosen to refuse my comm. In their mind now, I’m part of the reason why the strategy is failing or at least not succeeding as fast as they were hoping since they can’t admit that the strategy is failing. I’m part of the enemy that must be kept away & stopped. These women with whom I worked for years towards improving conditions in my life, their lives & in the lives of others in our community, now think of me as an SP.

    I still believe in the Theta Universe & in that Universe I send them all a hug & keep the comm line open. I postulate that some day I get a call, email, text or a knock on my door…
    We can then, together again, forward the aims of Scientology in our community without the arbitraries, the vulture culture & all the insanities that come with the current organization.

    Thank you for so beautifully stating what I think a lot of my friends are going through. Your writing help me understand my friends better. It helps me understand myself better.

    Sending you a big hug.

    Marie-Joe

    • lunamoth permalink
      September 12, 2010 9:43 pm

      Thanks so much, Marie-Jo. And I, too, believe that what you are putting out into the Theta universe will manifest in reality at some point. Just keep on puttin’ it out there.

  20. September 12, 2010 4:18 pm

    I’m sorry to hear an old friend is boxed in by fear. Recognizing a problem is the first step to resolving one. You’re doing the best you can for your friend, by bravely being an example and by being honest. By showing this person you can exist outside the church structure, maybe one day she’ll take that long, hard look at the facts as they are.

    • lunamoth permalink
      September 12, 2010 9:47 pm

      Yup, Jessicaheartsart. At this point I am very aware that we are setting an example to our friends who are still in. Whether they are aware or not of watching us to see how we are doing, they are noticing it. LOL – As Scientologist we are trained to notice indicators such as tone-level, apparent PTSness, c0ndition of MEST, etc. I don’t necessarily subscribe to all that stuff anymore and I certainly disagree with the emphasis on it within that culture, but I am, factually, doing better than
      I have in a very long time, and my friend has to be able to observe that. And it’s NOT what she’s been told to expect!

  21. John Doe permalink
    September 12, 2010 4:30 pm

    Hi Luna!

    Your writing has certainly influenced me over the last year or so and your bittersweet story above is beautifully written. Thank you for it all.

    Hopefully, your friend will begin to look and maybe turn to you. The visit from her was actually a hopeful sign. I mean, couldn’t she have mailed or shipped the item she was returning, or somehow avoided having to actually see you. I wouldn’t think her lost to you quite yet. I mean, using PTS data, you could continue with a “good roads, fair weather” type of comm line and eventually maybe get into some of the scientology stuff with her. Perhaps her moving is an attempt to get away from a suppressive environment for her?

    Jeff’s article, “Is this site Entheta?” linked at the top, is a powerful piece of writing that can perhaps get your friend to begin to look. IF you can get her to read that, then she might begin to click around and eventually be up to looking at the St. Pete Times interviews.

    • lunamoth permalink
      September 12, 2010 9:52 pm

      Hi, John!

      And your thinking as expressed on these blogs has influence me, as well!

      You’re right about the visit being a hopeful sign. The moment she decided to stay for that cup of coffee was the pivot point of the whole thing. She now knows that nothing has gone off the rails for me,that I’m not attacking her or the church, that I’m happy and doing well and have lots of create in my life. And I’m still able to listen with a sympathetic ear to her problems. She knows I’m still her friend, even if she is feeling conflicted about being mine.

      We’ll see if she reaches at all in the future. I’m open. I know with certainty that change is the only constant, and this situation is no exception to that.

  22. Genesis permalink
    September 13, 2010 6:12 am

    Dear Lunamoth,

    Your story evokes great sadness in my heart.

    Your friend, like an addicted alcoholic, has almost reached rock bottom in her life. It is gut wrenching to watch a friend or family member go through this torture. But.it.must.occur.

    Only then, will she finally allow the truth to slowly start to seep in. Your brave act has, without a doubt, started a catharsis in her soul.

    I know NO ONE, and I mean absolutely NO ONE, could have talked me into leaving Scientology BEFORE that “awakening” started to occur in me.

    Your friend has her own timetable, it may be months, or it may be years, or even decades, but it has undeniably BEGUN. This catharsis and awakening are part of her Karma this life, she must go through this.

    Flow her lots of healing and unconditional love in your thoughts, whenever you think of her, and send her a card every Christmas with an update on what is happening in your life. Always invite her to call you or come for a visit each year. DO THIS EVEN IF SHE DOESN’T RESPOND BACK.

    Your love may be the only light she has to cling to during this “Dark Night of the Soul” (see St John of the Cross) ordeal.

    She will wake up…..be there for her, when she does. You are a true friend.

    Namaste,

    Genesis

  23. September 13, 2010 6:56 am

    Lunamoth,

    This was very real to me. Very heartfelt.

    It’s a never-ending source of amazement, the cognitions I have about my fellow humans. While we are all very definitely individuals, we seem to express many of the same emotions and frustrations when we share a common bond such as Scientology, especially when it goes off the rails.

    I feel the same frustration and sadness at my own church friends who have tossed myself and others under the bus. I don’t feel this out of hatred. But out of sadness for how trapped they are. How blind and perhaps irresponsible they are being. How we have all at one time or another given the copyright on our eternity to another, then closed our eyes and held our breath.

    Yeah, on a certain lower-toned level, I want to be RIGHT in the end. But the real me simply wants the Miscavige years to come to an abrupt and very public halt. And in such a way that NOBODY can deny what he has done. Or pretend that it wasn’t all that bad. Because it IS bad. It’s terrible, and it’s tragic.

    The end result of this entire experience needs to be freedom for all. Freedom to pursue one’s own spiritual goals in a safe, supportive, respectful, constructive environment.

    In his wisdom, Dan Koon reminded me at just the right time in my decompression that the toughest part in waking up is the confusion that sets in once the stable datum of Scientology is knocked sideways.

    That little piece of tech seemed to calm me right down. For at least I knew what the hell was going on with me! Perhaps that can be a part of the new indie dissem drill that Dan is going to create for us.
    Just kidding Dan! 🙂 Sort of….. 🙂

    I guess I simply want sanity. I want Scientology to be what I thought it was going to be two decades ago when I first got in.

    I used to think that my “wog” friends (Gawd, I dislike that term), were too numb or too PTS to the middle class to understand how important Scientology was. They “didn’t get it”.

    I wondered why people I used to hang out with and call my friends were calling my religion a money-grubbing, brain-washing cult, trying all the while to get me to wake up.

    Now I realize that I was the one who refused to really look back then. I was PTS. And for a while I mentally tossed THEM under the bus.

    I now remember that whatever we’ve done wrong to our dynamics, they now seem to be doing the same to us. Karma is real. I’m living it right now as the bus rolls on over me.

    Funny thing is, now that I’m out, those same non-Scn friends have been nothing but supportive with zero make-wrong. An important thing to remember as an indie.

    As I said, it’s a never-ending source of amazement, the cognitions I have about my fellow humans.

    Anyway, thanks for sharing this story and I hope that your friend turns things around soon enough.

    I, and I’m sure many others, fully duplicate you!

    🙂 Idle Org

    • Mary Jo permalink
      September 13, 2010 5:32 pm

      Wow, another great example of a very personal expression that is so universal and experienced by so many. Thanks IO!

      • September 13, 2010 6:54 pm

        Amen, Mary Jo

        And thank YOU so very much for your incredible write-up.

        I read your K/R half a year ago and it had a profound impact on my certainty that I had made the correct decision in leaving the official church.

        🙂
        IO

  24. freespirit permalink
    September 13, 2010 5:31 pm

    I share in everyone’s admiration of your beautiful writing skills. I too – when I routed out -lost many,many of my comm lines. It was not that others did not want to talk to me – its that they were forced to disconnect. I remember thinking that it should get to me, but it didn’t – simply because I try to live life in abundance, and just as I abundantly made friends then, I could make more – and have – my God there are billions of people on Planet Earth and certainly no scarcity of terminals! But I do have to say, there was one friend who refused to let go of me, and she has my eternal gratitude. She is a TRUE friend and through her actions exemplifies all the most admirable qualities of a friend – fiercely loyal, dedicated, honest, true. She quietly kept her personal integrity. For 13 years she knew of the nature of my blow and subsequent route out. She was even pulled into ethics about her relationship with me and still refused to cut comm. But my sister-friend never let on to me that she knew about it, or the rumors she had heard – nor what she experienced. I in turn never discussed the nature of my route out either; we just continued to share our lives with each other every day; no matter where we lived, we were ALWAYS there for each other. I am honored by her friendship. Well, one day, we opened up – she approached me on the subject, and we talked. Turns out she too had her own misgivings! Well, that just took our friendship into another dimension. I can say this – no matter what happens – just BE THERE for your friend. Through your actions exemplify what Scientology is really about. Love and kindness cut through all the ‘stuff” and get to the core, and connect with another’s spirit. Even if your friends have cut the line with you, let them know that no matter what is said and done, they will can find safe haven in your space. Your act of kindness and acceptance will always stay true – and no matter what anyone else tells her, in the back of her mind and in her heart she will carry that with her. I recently read something by famous author Dean Koontz that struck me: “Sometimes kindess can devastate, perhaps because we see so little of it day to day that we are unprepared for the way it pierces when we experience it in time of crisis.” Keep your own doors open, if only just a crack.

    • lunamoth permalink
      September 13, 2010 8:55 pm

      freespirit –

      I agree completely. We ALL have these stories, and I believe most of us have come to the same conclusions you have about continuing to maintain our love for our friends. Of course, my door is always open, as is the comm line.

      My friend can delete my email from her files, lose my phone number, move out of state and forget my birthday, but I’m still her friend. And time is on my side because there is no effort, no denying of affinity, no resistance and wall of psychic energy I must hold in place involved in what I am doing. It is effortless to simply be here, continuing to be her friend.

      Idle Org –

      Thanks for that duplication! I also realized something while reading your post, it’s about the phrase “throwing us under the bus.” It’s been used a lot because it describes so well the feeling of being callously betrayed by people we trust in way that is dangerous and damaging to us. But I realized that since the net result of that “throwing under the bus” has turned out to be overwhelmingly positive for me, that phrase no longer fits. I have had a hell of a year since starting the wheels turning by sending those links to my friends. My wealth of friends now is almost embarrassing. Vitality has returned to all areas of my life. I feel free. My family is doing well. I am back in touch with the human race, and I have more hope for the future than I’ve been allowed to have for years. How has this hurt me? Even the loss of friends has not hurt nearly as much as I would have thought. I am only slightly sad about those friends, and my sadness is mostly for THEIR losses, not mine. Because of what I now have, I can clearly see what they give up daily to remain in the suppressed situation they are in. I’m sad for THAT.

      Genesis –

      You’re absolutely right that my friend has her own timetable. I couldn’t be made to “look” either, before I was ready. Funny how those of us here seem to have all come to the same conclusion about continuing to be there for our friends.

  25. September 13, 2010 7:35 pm

    This is the greatest blog ever.

  26. September 13, 2010 9:34 pm

    Lunamoth,
    you might have just lost your friend (after all that “you’ve done to her”, i.e. tried to open up her eyes a bit by relaying a bit of truth).
    Scn is sticky. It doesn’t let one go. It’s a Magical Thinking in action.
    Your friend is impressed with Scn. She loves it.
    The only “tool” she has is to impress you back with the same Scientology…

    You had a common love, and now *you* are unimpressed with it.
    What is she to think about you? – Traitor. Enemy.
    That’s her sincere feelings towards you. No matter how close you had been.
    There is a “condition of Enemy”, and – to her – you are in it (Minimally).
    Because “no one cannot be not impressed with Hubbard’s Beautiful Teachings”.

    That’s something you (and others) have to “confront” while dealing with Scilons.
    They are TOO fragile to be dealt with on general human terms.
    Their “friendship” goes only as far as friend’s “reality” goes.
    Their “reality” goes only as far as “LRH said…”
    Their world is a limited bubble where they feel comfortable (among those who are like them… impressed with Hubbard and trying to impress others with his teachings).

    Overall, dealing with dedicated Scilons is a sick adventure… On any level.

    Your friend is just one of a number of others who have cleared their head of doubts by having accepted “Introduction to Scn Ethics” as their Bible.

    Stay sharp and stick to what you know.

    If you want to help your friend, keep feeding her the data – as long as you are able to… with NO holds barred.
    Friends are exactly for that – to share the most intimate things (without secrets from one another).

    Love, Vadim

  27. September 13, 2010 9:55 pm

    Just realized about blog posts such as this one:
    It’s easy to advise others (when they vent their feelings and soul).
    It’s VERY hard to undergo such things oneself.

    When one reads it like a good book, he has a compassion to a hero and/or heroine and feels for them truly.
    When it comes to one’s own door, there are other feelings… Compassion isn’t quite the feeling about and right after the situation.

    I ‘ve gone through the second named – number of times… (maybe that’s why I’m cynical at times).

    Lunamoth, no one can truly advise you how to be in your situation… People can only share how they restored and “handled” lost friendship.
    I’d love to learn from them, too. Yes!

    • lunamoth permalink
      September 13, 2010 11:03 pm

      LOL You’re a little like me, I think. Your first communication was all passion, then the head kicks in and you thought better of it… I took your “advice” as your opinion and your own feelings and I understand them.

      MY viewpoint on this is that there IS no “them” and “us” in this. I’m not that different from my friend, indeed the biggest difference could be said to be time, since I was roughly where she is now at a different point in time. She sees me as being in opposition to her, but in fact I understand her, I can see the “rightness” of her viewpoint (as in how she feels it is right for her survival and that of her dynamics), and I love and support her.

      I’m not going to become an opposing terminal to her because some third party told her I was. That’s what I mean by continuing to be her friend.

      My own personal ideology (if I can even call it that, since I couldn’t tell you what it is) does not require me to “choose a side.” I am not going to BE an “Ex-Scientologist,” or BE a “Critic of Scientology,” I am just going to BE.

  28. Martin Padfield permalink
    September 13, 2010 11:15 pm

    May I add my appreciation of your poignant writing lunamoth, and thank Jeff too for opening the blog to guest contributors that can write so eloquently.

    I just finished the hardback Counterfeit Dreams tonight, having read the online short-form earlier this year, and of course it is essential reading for anyone still grappling with the bewildering and momentous period between being “in” and “out”. In the last few pages Jeff describes the moment he threw off the shackles of the cult that Mestology has become: “…So they labeled me an SP. So what? All of a sudden, I felt as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders…” Jeff describes the process as liberating and empowering.

    That, really is what this blog is all about: liberation and empowerment. It is of the greatest irony that the people I have been trying to help have “disconnected” from me, when the God’s honest truth is that I simply want to help liberate and empower them. It would be easy to get a little bitter and righteous about it, you know, say “well fuck ’em, if they want to carry on blind and stupid”, but actually I know I would have done just the same just a couple of short years ago.

    As others have commented above, you reached your friend even if it wasn’t immediately apparent, just as I have been reaching some of mine. Indeed one old-timer here in the UK contacted me out of the blue and considered me a “hero” for publicly standing up and making a stand. (I was never big fish in the UK field, but well known and respected nonetheless, my eventful 5 years in the SO affected many for better or worse).

    The actual “case gain” had when getting all the right indications and truth from these blogs and data is truly amazing, and I now believe it won’t be long before there will be the biggest “reconnection” ever as the full truth about the lies and deception, abuse and betrayal of the “church” reaches all but the most extreme kool aid drinkers.

    Note to Lunamoth: when are you coming to Blighty?

    • lunamoth permalink
      September 14, 2010 1:17 am

      Thank you, Martin. I had to google the term Blighty, and adult daughter is right now trying to convince me that you intended to ask when MY DAUGHTER and I were taking that trip! LOL!

      This is great: “It is of the greatest irony that the people I have been trying to help have “disconnected” from me, when the God’s honest truth is that I simply want to help liberate and empower them.”

      Absolutely. And it is further ironic that when we were members of the church, when we spoke to those who were not Scientologists about Scientology and ran into resistance or unwillingness to listen, we had that same thought; all we wanted to do was liberate and empower them.

      Laugh so you don’t cry, Martin! LOL!

      I’ve come to the conclusion that I can’t liberate people from an idea, but I can empower them. Your friend from the S.O. is probably a good example. HE decided he needed liberating and took the necessary steps. Your integrity and willingness to stand up in dissent was obviously empowering to him. So, yes, we continue to plant seeds, leave the door open, leave a light on in the window, whatever we can. The rest is up to them.

  29. sherrymk permalink
    September 13, 2010 11:40 pm

    My dear LunaM,

    I’ve just now read your tender story. You can certainly write, but I’ve always thought so.

    Your deeply touching account of what so many of us have experienced, exemplifies the grace, tolerance, patience and willingness to allow others their own views, that is such an innate part of the beauty that is you. And you’ve brought a dimension that lends itself to the further exploration of each of our own experiences…

    Thank you, beautiful person you

    Sherry

  30. lunamoth permalink
    September 14, 2010 1:32 am

    OMG SherryMK. Right back at you! I KNEW you would just dump a big load of love and admiration on me.

    I am becoming so full of myself !! I keep telling my husband I’m going to print out these amazing comments and tape them up on the wall, and he’s still laughing but the indulgence can’t last. After reading your comment I made Jeff’s blog mandatory reading for my children. (They are not amused).

    After so many months of toughing out the cut comm lines and lost friendships I am nearly overwhelmed by the level of duplication, support and care from the readers of this blog.

    Have I even thanked Jeff for this experience? No. See? FULL OF MYSELF.

    Jeff, thank you very much for the opportunity to connect on this level with others with similar experiences. I have considered many of them as friends for many months, and this has been a really moving experience. I highly recommend it to anyone with a story to tell or a viewpoint to share.

  31. earthmother permalink
    September 14, 2010 6:05 am

    Well lunamoth, you have shared a story that has left me in awe of your expansive heart. Thank you for reminding all of us that compassion is a trait to be cultivated and used. Something I don’t recall learning in CofM.

    There is hope yet for your friend. How could she not be influenced by you?! A seed has been planted.

    I thought I had friends when I was ‘in’ and since being ‘out’ for nearly two years, not one of them has gotten in touch with me to see how or what I am doing. ( I am doing great, BTW!) I am so glad to know you, and count you as a friend.
    I love you!

    • lunamoth permalink
      September 14, 2010 3:27 pm

      Earthmother, you ARE doing great, aren’t you? And thank you, I love you right back!

      I wonder about those friends from whom we have heard nothing. I suspect many of them have not deserted us, specifically, but like we have they find themselves withdrawing from the whole c of m circus and re-evaluating their involvement. I know I went out of communication with much of my community of scientology friends after the experience of sending that link to a few friends. Our friends, or some of them, could consider themselves to be just as “out” as we consider ourselves, and we don’t know it.

      We could be posting on this blog with any one of them and not know it!

  32. September 14, 2010 6:51 am

    Lunamoth, what a great post. Very well written. Thank you.

    It is awful that we have to think in these terms. This disconnection mania is far worse now than it was, although as soon as the idea of disconnection came into the church, it was routinely abused.

    It sounds like your friend, just by opening up a bit, was doing a reach. I hope so.

    You know, my friends and I used to banter about how crazy the prices were, how bad the staff had it, etc., all the time. My friends, like myself, all put in time on staff at one time or another – some in the SO, some at Class IV orgs, some as NSO staff. When the IAS and Mr. David Miscavige came into the scene, the world changed. OT “Eligibility” came on board. It became a suppressive act to make certain auditing mistakes. When it was happening, it did not seem so bad, and the change, indeed, was not sudden, but here we are. When you have people making YouTube videos mocking Scientologists for being wimps, and the “Scientologists” acting like wimps, we have serious problems. When you have people, like your friend, doing badly, but still being in fear of maintaining contact with a decades-long friend, we have sadness.

    You know, I made the mistake of leaving some hard candy in a storage unit where there were ants. I came back to the unit after a few months, and, of course, there were ants all over the place. What I found fascinating was that the ants had had enough time to clean out several pieces of hard candy – only the wrapper was left. Here were cellophane wrappers in perfect candy shapes, totally lacking any candy. Mr. David Miscavige and his policies are the ants, and the wrapper is the church. Only a form. Nothing inside.

    I have some friends I don’t want to lose when I come out. I will not lose them on my side. I won’t disconnect.

    • lunamoth permalink
      September 14, 2010 8:34 pm

      No, of course you won’t disconnect. Whatever happens when you “come out” will be a temporary condition, anyway. You may be surprised by who has already mentally left the cult, too, when you do.

      I just love the empty candy-wrapper analogy, especially the part where dm and his minions are ants.
      Priceless.

  33. Grateful permalink
    September 14, 2010 1:43 pm

    There have been two friends of mine who have overwhelmed me with their love when I told them that I could no longer support the church. Both requested details about why this was so, acknowledged me with understanding and asked me to stay in touch. One even validated me for all I have done and am doing for the cause of freedom. Their kindness, despite their different viewpoint, brought tears to my eyes and is something I am sure I will remember for a long, long time.

    Thank you for your story, Lunamoth. ‘Tis so true about gaining many more true friends if you go with integrity rather than fear.

    • lunamoth permalink
      September 14, 2010 8:35 pm

      What a great thing to have experienced, Grateful. Those are some wonderful friends.

  34. Another Layer permalink
    September 15, 2010 3:22 am

    Hi Lunamoth,
    So beautifully said! I’ve seen problems, similar to those of your friend, in the lives of my own good friends over the years, and it is heartbreaking. But before I started looking, I was in that same group … pr everything! … no substance! … “shore story” this and that! Barf. Even though freedom of speech and association are truly inalienable, it was too easy to willingly trade away those rights for promises of a glowing future that somehow never materialized (at least for me).
    Today, I was thinking about this pattern, and lo and behold! Tonight I find your excellent post on Jeff’s blog, with all of the wonderful comments. Great solace, Lunamoth. Thank you!
    (And thank you, Jeff, for opening up your blog!)

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: