Standing Up to be Counted: Synthia Fagen
Another courageous former member of the Church of Scientology takes a stand. The following writeup gives a chilling picture of the corruption, criminality, harassment and pressure that exists in today’s Church of Scientology.
Standing Up to Be Counted
Synthia Fagen
Hello my new amazing friends. I hope you find this story interesting enough to read as it isn’t “sexy”, full of danger, abuse or torture but it is a story of a disgusted member of the “rank and file” that may give solace to those who have been fighting the battle for years. You are, indeed, winning.
I have been contributing to this blog, and to Marty’s, as “Elizabeth” but have not officially stood up to be counted. So, I thought now would be a good time to give my story and to let the C of S know, in no uncertain terms, that I refuse be a cog in the wheel of the crime syndicate any longer. I will not be used. I will not be lied to. I will not give up my individuality to be herded like an unthinking robot to carry out the dictates of a cold and greedy machine.
I have been helped by Scientology. I am sure almost all of us could make that same statement and yet, therein lies the rub. A very good friend of mine recently made the observation that Scientology was like a yummy, delicious, 7-layer cake laced with arsenic. I find that description fitting.
In 1985, in Chicago, I became a Scientologist. Grateful to find this wonderful group and a real purpose in life, I would consider the experience valuable as, among other things, I am now married to a wonderful man as a result of reading Dianetics and walking through that door. You could even say that Scientology saved my life. I was a self destructive druggie on the wrong path and might have wound up dead had I not reigned myself in and found this new “science of the mind”.
My personal dwindling spiral reversed when I got auditing and joined staff. So why would I want to discontinue something that saved my life, gave me purpose, and got me off the road to hell?
My story follows:
Six months ago, in November of 2009, my staff contract was up and I did not re-sign. Though I was expected to come back I knew I never would if my concerns were not addressed. They never were.
I was the IAS Membership Officer (of all posts!). My husband was, at the time, the Chief Academy Sup and had been on staff for 25 years straight. During this last staff contract, the Basics came out and that was the beginning of the end for me as this is when the group engram was laid in.
The Basics evolution was, in my opinion, insane. Where outpoints in the church and its management were not new, here they were coming at us full force, with a vengeance and with a ferocity and velocity that I had never experienced before and it was NOT FUN. Now, DM and the “quota mongers” would state that this was straight up and vertical expansion. After all, the staff were not doing enough so “get used to the rocket ride baby cause we’re clearing the planet for real now”. Unequivocal hogwash.
The insanity begins:
The Basics were to be announced at the Maiden Voyage events in 2007. The staff had to be bonded and were given a briefing right before the first event so that we would understand the magnitude of the release and therefore the importance of getting the HIGHEST EVER attendance. The call-in for this was nuts!
We invited people who had no business being there. We would call until 10:30 pm and sometimes later. It was okay that people who could only speak and understand Spanish were invited in droves (even though the event would not be translated) just to get the body count up. It was okay if raw public and even public right off the street with no prior reach were invited, just to get the body count up. During call-in I would bring up the logical argument that I did not agree that we should be inviting people who could not speak English just so we could have a warm body in a seat. This was ignored. It seemed chaotic and not thought out at all. No one seemed to care about the PR consequences. We would “burn that bridge when we came to it”, so to speak. When the first event finally aired, we had many people walk out and I felt bad for them, giving up their Saturday night, getting all dressed up, only to be scammed by the C of S and made to feel stupid for not understanding.
Staff of a spiritual crusade or glorified telemarketer?:
Next came the real organizational psychosis: The sale of the Basics.
The sale of the Basics turned our staff into telemarketers morning, noon and night and pulled them off their regular posts. Instead of Musical Chairs it was a daily teeter-totter where the bulk of the staff members time was spent on Basics sales and the rest of the time trying to squeeze in regular care of the public where they could. New Div 6 public were looked on as a minor nuisance, in certain ways, as they were sitting right in the middle of all the action and so we had to “be careful”of what we said. We would handle these people as quickly as we could so we could get back onto what really mattered – the stats we had better have at the end of the night. Those stats were not the number of attested clears or new people on service, I can tell you that much.
Over many months, all that really seemed to matter was how many Basics packages were sold. Not just books, but packages. The HES and BSO, seriously, were called every 15 to 30 minutes by Bridge and Gold. They had to know what everyone was doing, in regards to Basics sales, at every moment. No one was asked about PCs or students or releases or attestations or any service stats. People onlines who had not purchased the whole package (3,000.00) were literally hounded and ganged up on by tag teams that included top SO members from the CLO who would not let up on the person until he/she purchased. It got ugly.
I am realizing as I write this that I could go on and on for pages. To shorten this up, what I saw during this time was insanity and outright criminal behavior. Here are some of the following activities that made me start to doubt what I was involved in:
Mega financial irregularities/Criminal activity:
Public accounts being debited, at Flag, for thousands of dollars to pay for multiple sets of Basics that they never approved.
Boxes of Basics just showing up on people’s doorsteps unordered while being debited off account without permission (someone’s stat push). One such was an 84 year old woman who did not know what to do with all the many boxes outside her door. She lived alone.
OT Committee members and others with wealth being hyped up and asked to purchase multiple sets of Basics to sell to others. This was only to get the stats up and like unused stock from some multi-level marketing scam after the greedy emotion dies down, the books sit in the people’s basements untouched and unsold.
MAAs and other “non-sales” people willing to have a conflict of interest, essentially extorting money from the public, by insinuating or outright telling parishioners that they could get through the lines faster if they donated money for libraries or sold Basics packages to their friends.
Stat pushes with little or no result:
Event after event to get library donations to, again, get the stats up. I live in Chicago with a huge library system. Very few of the libraries carry LRH’s books here. They still kept their old books and, of the new that they do have, few are in all of our libraries and they are not checked out (I am able to check this out online). That campaign was a waste of money and yet it still continues.
In regards to donations for materials, on two occasions I noted that opportunistic means were used to pull heart strings that seemed amoral to me at the time. One was using the earthquake in Haiti and the other was using a raid on the church that had happened weeks before but was made to seem like it just happened and in both occasions books, quite frankly, were not the immediate solution.
Harassment:
People being called non-stop, daily, no matter how many times they asked not to be and, after being harassed by the org, being put in a stack of “ARC X” folders. One gentleman told our ED that he literally felt so depressed that he thought of taking his own life because of our unrelenting calls. He said he counted that one day, he received 63 calls.
DM pulls it all together for us:
At some point during this insanity, DM makes the 1.1 statement to all of us, somewhere along this line, “If this feels like drudgery or slavery, than you’re doing it wrong because Scientology is supposed to be uplifting, exhilarating and exteriorizing.” How very clever of him to know and spot exactly how we were all feeling but could not express (as it was deliberately being caused) and then indicate to us all that we were DOING IT WRONG. So, just as staff may be getting ready to tell management to stick it where the sun don’t shine, he pulled the old introversion trick.
Oh, there’s so much more. Lots of cross orders and cross regging and impossible money targets and I could go on and on. I felt like everyday on post was all about money and I was engaging in behavior that I felt wrong about just so that I wouldn’t appear reasonable or off-purpose. I started to lose self respect.
Doubts are creeping in:
Each day, for quite awhile, we would chinese school the many Basics package prices. This insipid inculcation literally made me nauseous and the crass commercialism felt so “unspiritual” that I longed to just sit in some temple and burn incense in peace. I went to qual to complain about the non-spirituality of it all. Understandably, the Qual Sec knew not what to do with me. I thought to myself, many times, “What am I doing here?” About this time, too, Anonymous had left a note on the window of our org that stated, “It’s okay to have doubts.” I realize, now, that had an effect on me.
The veil is lifted:
Because I was so unhappy and knew something was really wrong, I told a staff member that I was feeling critical toward DM and management. This was my own personal observation but it was thought that I must have gotten some Black PR that I didn’t even realize. I knew that I hadn’t because I had dutifully, for 25 years, avoided and swatted back all bad press and all negative comments on the Internet. I just hadn’t gone there. I knew nothing about DM’s behavior and crimes. I just didn’t like what I saw right in front of my own eyes.
It was thought that I should go to the DSA and get the Freedom Magazine dead agent pack on DM as a handling for the “possible hidden insidious Black PR” that got on “my lines”. This was a mistake to have me read this but I am glad it was suggested as it led me to the truth. I knew nothing about Mike Rinder and I had never even heard of Marty or Tom DeVocht and since the magazine only called these people Fact Checker, King Pin, and Con Man, I still didn’t know who they were talking about….oh, oh, mystery sandwich.
So, I sat down and read through this and I was appalled at how nasty the tone of it was and how unprofessional, juvenile, and creepy it made our upper management look. There was no denial of a culture of violence and it was all just a matter of who was perpetrating this violence. Until then, my mental picture of Int was that of a pristine organization of truly sane, kind, caring, and OT beings that would never, ever allow that type of behavior for a nanosecond. This was quite a blow. When I realized the whole shooting match was being run by a bunch of bozos I felt a sense of anger and yet, a sense of absolute relief at the same time. This was the beginning of connecting all the dots so that everything made sense to me. I could tell the church was lying and I hadn’t even heard the SP Times story yet.
Still, I was continuing to be “with the program” to a certain degree. I hadn’t even gone on the Internet yet! I let the cognitive dissonance knock around in my head for a couple of months and then it got so bad that I had to hear the other side of the story, the story of the people that the church was trying to dead agent. So, I turn to the Internet.
First stop: The SP Times, The Truth Rundown:
I watch every video – Amy, Marty, Steve, Jeff, Tom, Shelly, etc. Everyone of them I watched over and over. I could not believe what I was hearing and yet I totally believed them. It was obvious they were sincere.
Well, then I found the SP Times story on Geir, Sherry and Mary Jo and then I contacted Geir who helped me and then Amy took my phone call and then I was on the path of reading and reading and reading and I still have not stopped. I want ALL THE TRUTH.
Will my husband stay with me? How can I not tell him?:
Geir, Amy and Dan Koon helped me to be able to break this all to my husband. My husband is a very, very dedicated auditor and supervisor who loves LRH and has been on staff for 25 years straight.
I finally decided that I had to tell him. How could I live this lie? I let him know that I could no longer support the C of S and asked him to please look at the data I had been reading and the testimonies I had been watching. It took some confront, but once he looked, he really did his due diligence. He did the best doubt formula I have ever seen and he finally told me that he had reached a point of no return and could no longer support the church either. This took many weeks. This is not easy to confront when you’ve devoted your whole life to the crusade. I was grateful he was so sane. I did not want to lose him.
Announcing this to the org:
He and I went and made the announcement to the HAS, CO OSA and the DSA that we felt COB was an SP and could not support the organization and the human rights abuses. This was not easy for them to hear, of course, and to be very honest and give credit where due, we were treated like absolute gold. The DSA did the absolute best job she could do given these horrific circumstances. Though, of course she does not agree, she treated us with the utmost kindness as did the HAS and CO OSA. I have nothing negative to say about our org or our staff at all. We were shown many dead agent materials on all of my now friends, Amy, Steve, Dan, Jeff, etc. and none of it moved us an inch as it was all of the variety of the usual character assassination that is the signature of the church and so we finally had to say that’s that.
In conclusion:
It’s obvious now that what we were experiencing was symptomatic of the horrific unethical and criminal behavior at the top of the org board. It’s funny, I used to rationalize the insane amount of regging by saying to a fellow staff member, “We must really be losing the battle against the SPs” or “We must have run out of time for this to be so engulfing and so frantic.” I would always get lots of agreement on these thoughts, as that was the only explanation that would make sense to a staff member.
Now I know that it was all actually as it appeared – a greedy, desperate and uncaring drive to extract every last dime, hour, and original thought from its staff and parishioners for the aggrandizement and protection of a sociopath who has committed a huge act of betrayal against mankind. It’s also repulsively creepy when you juxtapose the reality of the man against what parishioners actually think of him.
I have learned a lot though and now I understand how I allowed my involvement to hinder my critical thinking skills and I believe it was a valuable lesson. I highly doubt I could be that stupid and vulnerable again. Let’s hope not.
Thank you ALL for bring smart, perceptive, kind and tremendously caring. We miss our old friends. We are counting on this all being exposed to the rank and file soon, so that we can talk to our friends again but, in the meantime, we will sacrifice our comfort to expose these unconscionable human rights abuses. I, for one, am standing up to be counted.
With Love to You All,
Synthia Fagen
Comments are closed.
Leaving Scientology 
Synthia,
That is one hell of an “I quit!” It’s just perfect.
Here’s hoping you won’t be separated from your old friends much longer.
Very best wishes to you and your husband,
Just Me
Synthia –
This reads as a total “page turner”, like Marc’s book and Amy’s; I gobbled it up. Just like in your very authentic posts, your communication is fluid, your thoughts explained clearly.
How I feel about your story and message? OMG! I felt all of it as if I were there with you. This is such valuable information because you were on the spot, in the trenches, when the Basics Tsunami hit. As public at that time I “knew it” too, but you lived it from the next level “in” from the public, and validated everything I perceived (communicated and bitched about), and aligned to my previous SO experience. This is so very powerful. And your info is so CURRENT, making it doubly valuable and doubly important, and just a big yummy cheese cake with strawberry-truth-sauce (no arsenic)!
Thank you for standing up, standing out, and sharing the details here.
Namaste,
Marta
Awesome Synthia!!
Very well said.
What Org were you with?
Thanks for taking a stand for truth!!
ARC,
Alex
Wow. Beautifully expressed. Synthia, thank you for this. Please be assured that there is no slightest need for you or your husband to cease practicing Scientology in the independent field, freezone or whatever you want to call it. You have a direct line to LRH and no one can stand on that line any longer. I was pleasantly surprised to see the number of people whose lines you got on to get the information you needed. That’s a tribute to the effectiveness of the Internet but also to the fact that in the independent field anybody is free to talk to anybody. Gier in Norway, me in California, Amy in Seattle, Devo in Florida, we’re all over the place. I, and many others, extend a welcome and wish you all the best in this new chapter of your lives. It’s going to be a good one. You’ll see. Lv, Dan
Thank you so much Dan. I have to say that if it were not for you, my husband would have had a HORRIBLE time getting through all of this and as it is, it was bad enough but you made it not scary for him. You were the pivotal character in his universe. He trusted you and really only you to get him started on this journey of truth. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart.
Love, Synthia
It was my pleasure. I was glad to help. Best to you both.
Dan
Synthia, I welcome you & your husband with open arms.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I have not been on staff but you confirm what I have been suspecting for a while. What’s most interesting is when I have pointed out some of the exact outpoints you listed I was being told something is wrong with my area. Yah, right! I believed it for a while. I thought it could be caused by lack of hatting, blah, blah, blah,… But after looking on the internet I could see that most of the Orgs on the planet are infected with this insanity.
It’s so interesting to see that no matter where we are on the bridge, how long we’ve been in Scientology, public, staff or SO, we go through very similar things when we start discovering what is going on.
Sending you a big hug! (can’t you tell I’m a girl 🙂 )
Freetothink…
Yeah, it’s always better somewhere else. Everywhere else they must really be doing great. Wonder why we can’t get it together over here. I enjoy your description and concur: Blah, blah, blah 🙂 Since it’s all, apparently, coming down from the top and spreading out across the continents, weaving it’s web, all the orgs get caught up in it just about the same I would imagine.
Synthia
Synthia,
Thank you so much. My stomach was in a knot for much of your story. You were right there, on the front lines, you and your husband, and so invested in the whole game. I can appreciate how difficult it must have been for the two of you to confront all the org terminals, your friends, and to so honestly state your case. I’m glad they treated you well. I’m sure that’s as much a reflection of their opinions of you and your husband as it is an indication of their own character.
Your account of your own awakening gives me hope that we’re nearing the point where dm will no longer be able to fool enough people to continue on with this obscene farce he is perpetrating. When I hear of dedicated and hard-working staff like you being able to see and feel the falseness of this new “game,” I know that his days are numbered. Thanks very much for sharing this valuable account with us. And I for one would be very proud for you to count me as one of your new friends.
lunamoth
Lunamoth,
Well, in regards to how we were treated….I think we treated them well and went directly to the people we were “supposed to” and legitimately wanted these issues to be addressed with all sincerity. We let them wear their hats. These people are good people. It’s hard to get mad at people who are doing what they are “supposed to do”. We didn’t blow or go out of comm. We didn’t try to enturbulate anyone. We didn’t go do anything other than ask for the truth. We were thanked for that but, unfortunately, their version of the truth was a lie and they let us go on our way as no one was trying to get us to go against of personal integrity and, in addition, I think they knew that what they were saying was untrue and just could not bear to come to grips with that but, at least, they didn’t go insane on the whole cycle.
I think there is lots of hope, like you said and I am thrilled to count you as my friend.
Synthia
Just Me…
Pretty soon we should all be able to get back with our friends. That’s a big reason why I decided to make a stand. In the meantime, I am enjoying all of you and will continue to do see when the “curtain falls”. Thanks!
Marta…
We see eye to eye. Thanks. From now on ya’ll…its STRAWBERRY TRUTH SAUCE for EVERYONE. (giggle)
Alex,
Thanks! Chicago would be my org.
Synthia
Sindy,
Fabulous write up. Intelligent, concise and real. I am very glad your husband is so smart — you are clearly someone not to let go of easily.
I applaud your courage. And your integrity. And your ability to think for yourself. After all, those are traits of a real Scientologist. And you have now found your spiritual soulmates.
Again, congratulations. And thankyou. Every person who stands up to be counted is another arrow in Dear Leader’s eye.
Mike
Mike,
Thanks for saying it was concise! 🙂 as I was thinking no one would read it because it was so long.
Anyway, thank you and, of course, the feelings are mutual. Having so recently been on staff, I know that there are many that are getting fed up. It’s all just a matter of time.
Sindy
First of all congratulations on your courage and the insight on the ground zero actions to get the Basics out en masse and the amount of insane regging. I feel sorry for that old guy having gotten 63 phone calls in one day!!! Whew the desperation these staff are driven to just boggles the mind and I wonder how many of them actually have these doubts in the back of their mind afraid to voice them as you did. Laughs on them for cluing you into something you had not idea of and kudos on you for having enough cajones to “LOOK not LISTEN”.
As a professional if I were to ever approach my clients and potential clients with that kind of force and pushiness, honestly, they would just shut me out and my livelihood would be severely threatened. (Just as DM is destroying the livelihood of the entire Scientology networks with his insanity). I had to get downright mean and forceful to Bridge to get the insanity to stop, at one point the Reg, screamed at me “you are talking to an SO member!”. Don’t get any more calls – they just lost me as a client/parishioner/robot, etc.
Cured Robot,
I agree. The desperation they are driven to is mind boggling. It is a cult. Did you ever see the movie The Wave? That’s what it reminds me of.
Got it on Bridge…I had to do something similar. They turned into complete lunatics during that time. These are all good people, doing “bad” things under duress and some crazy false datum that to so act will bring them freedom some day.
Synthia
“I highly doubt I could be that stupid and vulnerable again. Let’s hope not.”
Thank You Synthia – I needed that laugh
I’m glad you got unplugged from the Matrix. Your article was brilliantly articulate and your dedication and integrity are very much appreciated. Thank You for coming forward. ..into the open. I think your story will help others get up the courage to do the same. Ultimately, I think that act is what is most needed at this time.
David,
Well, oddly you should say I got unplugged from the Matrix as that is the irony, isn’t it? I thought Scientology was the way out of the Matrix and now I have to not only get out of Scientology but now I still have to figure out how to get out of the Matrix for real.
Thanks for reading my story, my new friend.
Love, Synthia
Look on the bright side. Now you have a chance. Before you really didn’t.
Your my new BFF too.
Wow! You are right on with what is happening in the Church. I have gone way up Tone knowing that long time,, valuable staff members, are looking instead of listening. This gives me hope that soon management will be taken out by it’s own members and sanity will be put back in.
Thanks for the accurate accounts of what you observed. Do you mind if I print and distribute? I am not sure if there is a legal issue in doing so.
It’s me again,
Sure, do what you want…ask Jeff too though I think he’d be all for that but where exactly would you be distributing? 🙂
Glad this brought ya uptone.
L, Synthia
Oh, I rather not say were, I am betting we are being monitored and I don’t want to give anything way.
What do you say Jeff? Anything illegal in doing this?
Go Synthia! Loved your write-up. Brought back plenty of stomach-knotting moments too. I have seen the madness from both sides, first as staff trying to sell mountains of unneeded materials or no-exchange donations, then as public in latter years on the receiving end of endless sales calls. I can say with 100% certainty there is not a SINGLE public who doesn’t recognise the insanity to a greater or lesser degree. Most do what they can to avoid the relentless crush-selling, and the greater the pressure, the more it is driving the public towards looking at what is behind this psychosis.
Isn’t it just the best feeling ever to get free and breathe in the sweet oxygen of truth! Welcome. Your onlines friends are already seceretly admiring you, whatever they might have been programmed to say to the contrary!
Martin,
I agree…the public AND the staff actually see the insanity. Heck, we as staff used to talk amongst ourselves about the insanity and then correct ourselves for nattering. That’s why I think the thing is close to unmocking.
Yes! True freedom is great. 🙂
Synthia
Synthia,
Awesome. Just Awesome. I was very excited to hear how your awakening evolved from your own observations. That is powerful and unshakable knowledge and I admire you for following your doubts, comparing both sides and making your choice. Congratulations to you and to your husband.
The truth is sometimes tough, bitter fruit but it’s very, very nourishing.
Feel free to get in touch, if you want to. Despite the best efforts of the Scientology Facebook Police, I am still on Facebook and I’d be happy to have you as a friend.
Craig,
We are already friends on Facebook! 🙂 Just givin’ ya a hard time. You wouldn’t know cause we never talk. I befriended you when I read your write-up!
Thanks, We will stay in touch. Glad to know you.
Synthia
You got me!
I never used Facebook for much of anything — except getting declared. I’m glad we’ve now officially “met.”
I loved reading this. Thank you, Synthia. It is so good to know outer org staff are cogniting. I’m waiting and hoping for certain ones I’m connected with to do so soooooooooooon!!! And I loved hearing the effect that the simple sign “It’s okay to have doubts” posted by Anonymous had on you and hopefully others. It’s interesting to hear about the effects DM and his bots are creating on staff within the orgs themselves. He seems to be working very hard toward an implosion of the church. As public, I’m sure many of us bought the book packages just in the hope that we helped one more staff member get some sleep.
BTW, is Jeannie Danilovich (don’t remember her married name) still at Chicago Org?
Thank you so much for your post.
Jeanne is in Cincinnati with her husband David Sonnefield.
She the ED, not sure what his post is.
Linda
I used to get daily or weekly LRH quotes in my email from David. I always liked reading them.
Thanks, Darla. I always thought well of Jeannie (didn’t know her husband). I hope she and family are well.
Biga Watts,
Implosion is the exact word I would use and that is the feeling from inside and that exact word has been used between staff members. People can see but they then throw their blinders on as fast as possible and what happens in orgs on a smaller scale is the same as the SO in that we are all kept so busy with constant demands for insane products that nobody has time to stop and look and reflect. Boy, the idea of total freedom is so powerful that people are willing to lose all their freedom to get it…pretty nuts.
That was sweet that you had that thought about the staff and helping one or two get some sleep!
I don’t know the person you ask about. Are you sure she is from Chicago?
Thanks for your very thoughtful comments.
Synthia
Thanks for your response.
This is good news to know that at least staff are not unaware things are not right. There must be a point where “bull pen” data hits overload and the fences start breaking down.
Darla corrected me on Jeannie. She is in Cincinnati, not Chicago.
“Boy, the idea of total freedom is so powerful that people are willing to lose all their freedom to get it…pretty nuts.”
Wow, Synthia! That is one of the best sound bites I have read in the last five months.
Just Me
Synthia, What Integrity!!! The voice of Everyman! My story!
Back when I….I tried to get books donated to the local Library. What I found was the library had very limited space and would only put books out where there was a proven audience. I was able to donate some books that did not end up on the shelf but were sold along with other unusable stock at the yearly book sales to raise money for the books and videos that were on demand. I also had the opportunity to visit a number of other libraries in other cities and always checked to see if ther were LRH sections. Not one had any of the touted “Library Campaign Completed” books and when I did find an LRH book it was the
DMSMH that they had always had and occasionally an odd Old Format SOS or Sci Fi Book. In the few tests I made DM’s statement was a false stat.
Gandiguy,
I suspect that if a whole investigation were done from stem to stern, so to speak, of the library campaign you would find gross out ethics and financial irregularities. I believe the whole program is just more PR to extract donos and, of course, the ever so trusting (or maybe just cowed) parishioners never take anyone to task out of fear.
The fact that the parties involved with these campaigns know that a vast amount of these books are not making it into the libraries but then are still able to continue to run the campaign and to lie, just shows how corrupt it has become.
As long as the public (and staff) just sit back and let it happen, well…..
Synthia,
Thank you for your moving, intelligent and insightful story. I’m cannot express how happy I am for you.
As is sometimes my wont, I cross-posted your story to the Ex Scientologist Message Board:
Anonymous at (partial) cause – 25 year veteran leaves the Church of Scientology
I also cross-posted your story to Why We Protest, the home of Anonymous on the web:
Anonymous at (partial) cause – 25 year veteran leaves the Church of Scientology
I did so with respect. My understanding is that you are now an Independent Scientologist who still sees value in the Tech. I understand and respect that. I cross-post in an effort to further communication between the various groups.
Finally, if you are interested, I can recommend the Ex Scientologist Message Board. Despite the name, it has a lot of “Tech” people — albeit mostly Freezoners. It is a pretty warm and supportive place.
I would caution you, however, about Why We Protest. I post there, but it can be a rough crowd, to say the least. Still, since you mentioned the role, however minor, of Anonymous in your essay, I thought it only fair to let them know about your story.
Yours,
— Kha Khan
welcome to the other side of the bridge!
Thanks G 😉 Love ya!
Dear Synthia,
Welcome and thank you for taking a stand!! And thank you for helping your husband and thus salvaging another very valuable being!
I have friends on staff and I look forward to a day when they will contact me and we can openly discuss the insanity and start the healing.
The healing happens in layers and there is much joy and expansion ahead for you guys. If there is anything I can help with , do let me know.
With appreciation and love,
Mary Jo
Thank you Mary Jo. Your KR(s)has really helped me to help 2 others. It is so well written and very hard to argue with! Thanks for taking the time to write that extensive report and putting it online for others to use. It is invaluable.
Thanks for everything that you do. 🙂
Synthia!
Great write up. Loved it. I feel like we’ve got some real momentum going here! Whoo-hoo!
Since you were in the throes of it so recently, it was a powerful read. My heart goes out to all those hardworking staff who think they are creating a “world without insanity….without war…” when it’s being created right under their noses every…. single…. day. Like Jeff went over the idea in an earlier blog post that “the means IS the end”. Is it ever!
That you and your husband “awakened” so quickly and dramatically gives me hope that more awesome beings such as yourself will follow suit.
Thank you for coming out. I love all the folks who post anonymously, but I also love seeing the beautiful people attached to those great posts. Thanks, darlin’.
Suzanne,
You state:
“My heart goes out to all those hardworking staff who think they are creating a “world without insanity….without war…” when it’s being created right under their noses every…. single…. day”
Mine too. That was the biggest blow and the reason why it was SO HARD to tell my husband. It completely broke my heart. Here is a man who did nothing, NOTHING but help people ALL DAY LONG as an auditor and supervisor. OMG, DM should be shining my husband’s shoes. I want to cry right now.
Yes, I agree with you completely! Yikes.
Wow, Synthia! I lost count of the number of waves of goosebumps this post gave me.
You’re a brilliant communicator. I could see that yesterday after reading your posts in the other thread. You’ve told your story with enough details and insights to help those of us who’ve not been there get a sense of the insanity and I’m sure those who have been there would have been nodding throughout.
There are so many highlights in your story. I was really pleased that the org staff treated you well. You (and they) are yet more examples of good people involved in the CoS. I can imagine how your heart must have been in your mouth as you told your husband about what you’d discovered and as he went through his own process of discovery. Congratulations to you both on coming through it together.
I loved the mosaic you showed us of the multiple people and groups who contributed to you waking up . David Miscavige, of course, was a principal cause (love your work, Dave!), particularly his “leadership”/abuse and his appalling Freedom Magazine. This sentence said it all: I could tell the church was lying and I hadn’t even heard the SP Times story yet.
Then there were the indies and exes and even the Anon who posted the sign.
Most of all, you were the architect of your own awakening and escape. So, congratulations again.
I saw this post linked on whyweprotest and Anons were celebrating you. I do too. Lots of love and best wishes for you, your husband and all whom you love.
H
Heather,
This was the greatest and most validating comment. I so appreciate the very thoughtful and thought out commentary. Though I gained so much from just writing it and getting it off my chest, I received so much more by seeing how it helped others, in whatever way it did.
YOU are a great writer.
Thanks much and while I have you here, wink wink, are you the same Heather G that is my friend on FB?
Love, Synthia
I certainly am, babe! ❤
Great post. I am out but still using fake name becasue friends are in. I was never on staff but I had books jammed down my throat. Then a friend got declaired. That did it for me.
And yes I had great wins in Scn too.
So sorry it had to become what it is today.
I love your post becasue it is so sane (like the Barns’s video). I would love to show this to my friends in Scn. How could you deny this? How could someone read this and not see how valid it is.? HOW? But A few years ago I would deny it too.
We need more posts like this one. TIME FORM PLACE AND EVENT!
TIME FORM PLACE AND EVENT. Yes that is good thinking. We all come to this site from different tracks in Scientology. Long time SO, Staff, Public.
15 or 25 years ago, all you would find on the internet was highly critical remarks about Scientology, most public just stopped looking. Some of us thought, why would anyone take so much time out of their life to try to do Scientology in just because they didn’t like the teachings of Ron or Ron himself? When someone doesn’t like a church or even a business, don’t they just leave or take their business some where else and get on with their life? What was really interesting is back then no one told you not to look at those sites, I guess the idea that “Beings had the freedom to look at anything” was still acceptable to the church. But of course, it was only about the teachings, not management back then.
I think that now that people are being told not to look…well lets just make this short and say able people are not as stupid as some would like to believe.
I was very disturbed to hear how SO members were being treated and I don’t think any public would of ever thought things like that were going on because we never traveled that track. Why did I keep looking and not take these stories as natter? Now that I look back over the last month and a half , it was people like Synthia , ex SO and others who told their stories with TIME FORM PLACE AND EVENT that kept me interested enough to keep looking.
Jeff’s “Counterfeit Dreams” is a very good example, his story was so real and so well written, it was like I was right there feeling everything he felt…the good, the bad and the ugly! To believe that all SO members were lying, one would have to believe that this was some well calculated plan by all SO members in advance. Like they would all agree to tell the same, almost exact stories about management and their experiences once they got out, even if they all came out at different times, years apart! Time place form and event doesn’t fit that idea.
Good Point Reasonable and well done Snythia on your ability to communicate this in a fair, and in an informative way that could be duplicated by anyone coming to this site from any track.
Best to you and your husband.
Scientologists have been told not to look for a longer time than you suggest. In the early 90’s you can see examples of where Scientologists sometimes tried to discuss things with the critics on alt.religion.scientology but they were quickly contacted and told OSA was handling that.
Then later, with the now long aborted “Scientologists Online” effort (designed to increase rankings in search engines, yet another failed effort) many Scientologists unknowingly added a net filter to their computers that kept them from from be able to even access critical sites.
Of course there was this gem that got leaked about making criticism invisible by outcreating it:
“If you imagine 40-50 Scientologists posting on the Internet every few days, we’ll just run the SP’s right off the system. It will be quite simple, actually.”
Attributed to Elaine Siegel, OSA INT (1996)
Ha ha. How’s that working out!?
Hey there Synthia,
Very well done!
It’s not easy. For me it was July ’09 and I did exactly what you did, starting with the Truth Rundown.
I’m still not “out” as I’m handling a family member still “in”. But, that day will come.
Your story is textbook DM-crazy all the way.
And it is indeed great that your man is as sane as he is per your description. Phew….
Okay,
As Dan Koon said, you are not cut off from the Bridge. It’s there for you on the outside.
Dan has been a stable point for me as well. Without a doubt. His advice is GOOD advice.
Again, well done!
ARC,
Idle Org
Dear Synthia,
I have been waiting to hear your story ever since you first contacted me. And what a writer you are…very articulate, with a precision of details and beauty of vocabulary that rings as only truth can. I know that your write up will be read by the hundreds still on the fence, wondering what to do and I am sure it will be passed along to friends that are still “in”.
What a nerve you hit with me. When the Basics insanity was being rolled out across the planet, I was the Tech Sec at Pasa and everything you stated is exactly the way it was.
I wish you and your husband a wonderful journey into your new life of freedom. If you need any help with anything…from one Chicagoan to another…just say the word.
Love,
Sherry
Sherry,
Last night I had my 2-D read Synthia’s story. Then I heard, “come here look at this.” This person here says exactly what I have said. It was one of your comments on the “Bridge to No Where.” I said, oh yeah, I have communicated with her on this site before, she is pretty interesting to talk to, we really have a different view point on the OT Levels, but I really enjoyed her com, there is something there .
Then I noticed your com to Synthia above and thought….wait a minute, I think we have had some interchange before. I notice that someone used your last name in a comment, so I googled your name and I found your KR you wrote when you were on staff and a picture of you. Very good KR by the way, it explains why when we did talk to you both of us got the same impression, you seemed always upset about something and it showed even though you maintained ARC with us.
How was the pc folder room when you left staff? Still straighten up? (hint)
I still don’t want to give my name. If you remember us, you will also remember that one of us is still on lines, technically, and that person will need to make a decision on how to handle their situation. I thought you just find this interesting.
LOL..yes..that folder room…we won’t even go there though. That one is a subject of a whole post in itself.
If you are who I think you are, you should have my personal email address. If not and you’d like to communicate more (I sure would) please email Jeff with your address which will be kept confidential by me. (and Jeff)
“..you always seemed upset about something”. Yes..that’s the correct statement..actually an understatement. I wouldn’t wish my experiences trying to maintain some semblance of on-policy, in-tech actions in that org, on my worst enemy. And it started the first week I joined staff and received an 8″ high stack of programmes from the FR to study…none of which had been completed..dating from 1995. I think I was in shock most of my staff time!
Sherry Many Katz
Well done Synthia!
Now you can focus on your main purpose in life, each other.
Good luck for the future and hopefully more find cards like that.
Hugs
Synthia,
Thank you so much for telling your story. This really made my day. I left way before the Basics hit, and I so feel for those who have had to go through this. Pure insanity it is. I can’t fathom how anyone can sustain this psychosis year after year after year?
I am sure by sharing your experience you will help many others make the right choice.
Cheers.
Thank you Synthia for standing tall and proud.
You set a good example.
And you are so right about the Basics Evolution.
The staff were put on sleep deprivation and not allowed
to go home til they had sold their quota of books.
I would receive visits in the day and phone calls in the middle of the night
for money, money, money.
Is there any religion as aggressive for money that their staff
must sell and rake it in or give up sleep ? This rolls back to DM and DM
alone.
Thank you Synthia for your story and willingness to tell it all.
Synthia,
Incredibly well written & articulated story, it really captures the essence of being on staff and running into the insanity. Welcome to the Independents!
That Freedom mag which seems to be a personal project of and product of DM at great expense what with it being mailed to readers of the SP Times surely created some unwanted effects for him.
Dear Synthia,
Thank you very much for having the guts and speaking up.
I like it that you have given a lot of FACTUAL information which can be connected to by anyone involved in the Church’s recent activities, be it on the receiving or on the giving end.
When Money-making (for whatever “Great cause”) becomes the major motivation of any enterprise/activity then there is *nothing* spiritual in that “religious” activity whatsoever. imho
“It’s ok to have doubts” – such words turned me around, too (There’s a great article on the subject by Jeff in the top right corner of this site: “Is this site “Entheta?”).
Turned around because before that I used to believe that “to have doubts about Scientology or Management is to be in Doubt Condition” which inevitably leads to going through the same unpleasant routine, i.e. doing conditions to ever-right Church and having-to-repent me.
Well, no more of that being owed to the “Church”. 🙂
From Russia with Love,
Vadim Dolgov
P.S. Even more happy to be your friend!
VaD, I haven’t had a chance to read that blog from Jeff & all comments yet but I will.
I had a similar realization to yours in regards to the doubt formula. As you will soon read in my story after a recent encounter with the MAAs I realized that the doubt condition was set up in a way where I would have to choose between conforming or admit I was “evil” for choosing to leave the Church. Very unfair way to do a doubt. Needless to say I refused to do the doubt condition with them & walked away 🙂
The most interesting questions is: Who will be among the last 25 % out? For those it will be embarassing…
However, Scientology is now being drained more and more of real Scientologists who are able to look for themselves and come to sane conclusions. The church in itself will be more and more filled with extremists and single-minded, blindfolded people lying and blindly follow The Great Leader and whatever he says.
It should be the other way around.
It’s difficult in itself to prosper a small religious movement and even harder when “trademarks” such as Scientologist, Scientology etc is being worsened all the time.
Thank you for posting this. I, too, was on staff at a CLV org when this Basics evolution hit. The insanity was exactly as you described it. The call in for the event, the actual event, the event showings at the org after the event and the call in for that. INSANE! Looking at it again through your post, I realized that this also caused me to step back and look at what in the world was going on. There was no or little time for production on post as you say. It was doing call in out of CF to sell the basics to everyone, some who maybe only bought a DMSMH 30 or 40 years ago. Schedules were made to make sure everyone had their call in time and this was enforced. This Basics evolution actually caused me to take a sudden and shocking look at what I was part of. Calls from Bridge were unrelenting with screaming sales managers, invalidation and threats. This certainly was nothing I signed up for. And it was a very strong contributing factor to my departure.
I so enjoyed reading your story and am very happy you and your husband are now out. It’s a hard thing to look at and go through. I’m still working my way through it myself. Thanks again for sharing that.
Excerpts from LRH’s writings (my emphasis in bold):
“A situation exists in some orgs … where sales are very low … A second situation exists in several orgs where only very tiny payments are made by the public on the ‘sales’ that are made. … Further data is that Big League Sales has not been pushed for a year … Selling, closing deals, getting the money is a highly specialized tech. … I have seen a Reg actually offer credit or suggest a tiny payment when the prospect was sitting there with the full price in his pocket, ready to hand it over … They use the tech of selling and use it straight. They are not in doubt about what they are doing. They do it … They just plow right ahead and SELL and CLOSE and take the money in full. … Indoctrinate Reges into thinking big in terms of sales. But not to go after only some rumored big package and lose the rest”
“To me a staff member whose stats are up can do no wrong. I am not interested in wog morality. I am only interested in getting the show on the road and keeping it there.”
Etc.
I am curious: As a thought experiment, positing the above policies had been written by David Miscavige, would anyone find appropriate to use the above writings to make a case, an exposé, about David Miscavige as a greedy sociopath, only interested in money, and to explain why the Church of Scientology et al. is run the way it is currently run?
R. Hill,
You’re pulling the string there, man. To my way of thinking, if you are going to evaluate any of the scene — you have to evaluate all of the scene. Synthia had a beautiful quote posted to her FB site yesterday which I will re-post here because I feel that it is appropriate to your comment.
“A friend is one to whom one can pour out all the contents of one’s heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keeping what is worth keeping, and, with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away.
– Arabian Proverb”
LRH and Scientology could use such gentle-handed friends now to tease out the useful from the unworkable.
I didn’t say anything about “useful” and “unworkable.” I am being very specific, and I am very curious with the answers to this: I wonder, if David Miscavige had written the above excerpts, could these excerpts be used as arguments to support and make a point about how the Scientology organizations are currently run? If he had written the above, would anybody emphatically quote these excerpts to illustrate how David Miscavige’s mindset is causing an internal culture of obsession with income? I am really curious about the answers, I just want people to take their time and think this through.
Re. your last sentence: Scientology is just a set of ideas, ideas don’t need “gentle-handed friends,” they need inquiring minds.
R. Hill
I found your comment VERY interesting, and I see your point. Very GOOD point. But you may not realize that your tone is jarring. It is to me, because before your posting I felt this was a discussion among friends, and you are not being friendly (whether you did or did not say “of value and workable” is of no importance; Craig did and his contribution was quite pertinent and beautiful, reflecting HIS viewpoint, while yours, frankly, seemed like an attempt to stir things up).
If you feel that you have to PROVE that LRH was himself the source of some destructive policy, I would say you have mistaken this for some other site, perhaps an Indie site. There is quite a bit of agreement on your point here, but also probably some disagreement among those who are more recently joining us, and everybody’s viewpoint on this is OK with me, here and now.
Which brings me to my point. I sense that you are trying to stir up discord here where there has so far been a wonderful, open exchange of ideas and experiences. Common ground. Accord.
I think you have some valid points to make, but I for one don’t feel like getting sucked into a fire-fight, and have no interest in seeing the spirit of this current thread enturbulated, and so will not be participating in that.
Whew..that quote touches deep. What a gift it is when you find such a true friend…which, by the way, I consider you, Craig (and quite a few others on this blog)
Lunamoth –
This is a blog and not a chat room. This is freedom of speech and the fact that R.Hill’s post is being read should be proof enough that the moderator agrees.
R. Hill,
I tend to lean toward the poetic which is not everyone’s cup or tea (shit there I go again) — let me say, which is not to everyone’s preference when discussing serious issues. So I will now endeavor to be more coldly academic.
Firstly, I would like to know the reference for your LRH quote. I’m familiar with LRH’s admiration for Les Dane’s Big League Sales, however, I’m not familiar with that specific quote. For now, I’ll take your word that LRH wrote it.
Secondly, to answer your question directly. Yes. If DM had written that policy I think, 1) even the most entrenched Churchie would take pause and perhaps even complain, and 2) I think Anonymous and the Indie field would use it to tear DM a new a**hole.
In my opinion, it is chaff (just to pull in my previous poetic analogy) that needs to be evaluated as chaff and discarded as un-useful and undesirable in a religious context.
I believe that any inquiring minds interested in moving Scientology into the future as an organized religion or merely as a philosophy must make this evaluation of all aspects of Scientology, every bit of tech and policy. What’s grain and what’s chaff? What’s helpful, what’s harmful?
However, I still maintain that gentle hands make that process kinder. Scientology is, after all a subjective religious philosophy, not a science. One would be hard-pressed to prove anything about it. Therefore, a harsh and overly-serious inquiry seems unnecessary to me. You, personally, simply need to evaluate it for yourself. In the end, you are the only one who will use or not use any it, and you’ll use it the way you personally understand that it should be used. It’s always been that way: The square peg of subjective reality trying to be stuffed into the round hole of a pseudo-scientific precision.
Now, if your reason for asking this question (with the very obvious answer I will add) was to slyly suggest that LRH carries some responsibility for how Scientology has evolved (gone off the rails some might say, if they were being poetic), then yes, I agree with you. LRH bears responsibility for where the Church is now. LRH wrote a lot of stuff that I believe needs sifting, grain from chaff. Some will find none of it useful. Some will find some of it useful. I doubt many will find all of it useful.
I hope I have answered your question. If not, let me know. I can go on like this for days.
Re. ‘my tone’: In case anyone doubt it, it makes me feel good inside when someone assert their right to speak their mind despite concrete or perceived obstacles (bullies, dogmas, etc.) to shudder into silence. So I am happy for Synthia to assert her right to speak her mind and saying Scientology, Inc. to get lost. It’s a positive contribution, a stance opposing those who have a selfish interest in interfering with the free flow of information.
I can’t possibly preface each of my post with the above, so from now on, refer to the above if anyone wonder about my ‘tone.’
I don’t “feel that [I] have to PROVE” anything. However, I am left with countless unanswered questions. When something goes wrong, terribly wrong, we need to pause, however long, and ponder, “what happened?”
There is no question David Miscavige (“DM”) — et all those who assist(ed) him — need to be held accountable on this. However, the abuses and wrongdoings in the name of Scientology have also been committed by other people than DM, and have also been going on before DM.
So when I hear the blame exclusively laid on DM, all these unanswered questions are indicative of missed opportunities to really go to the bottom of “what happened?”.
Regarding lunamoth’s “enturbulated,” there is an excellent post at Ask the Scientologist, offering insights on Scientology’s “enturbulate,” and which post incidentally is an excellent example of “really going to the bottom of it.”
I would say that identifying and striking down all self-serving doctrines in Scientology would be a good first step to remove the chaff, and a good first step toward going to the bottom of “what happened?”, and to me, the concept of “enturbulate” is just one such self-serving doctrines.
R. Hill
I’ve reread this a few times and I can’t make sense of it. What does this mean?
Regarding lunamoth’s “enturbulated,” there is an excellent post at Ask the Scientologist, offering insights on Scientology’s “enturbulate,” and which post incidentally is an excellent example of “really going to the bottom of it.”
Also, nobody is trying to censor you. I certainly am not trying to get you to top communicating.
Nobody here (that I can see) is saying that dm is the ONLY SOURCE of all the trouble, but you can hardly deny that he is the current, most visible and most active source of it, and the one about which we can immediately do something.
What I WAS saying was that I was enjoying the high level of rapport that had existed prior to the challenging tone in your own post, and that I personally wasn’t going to get into a fire fight over it. I ALSO said I found it interesting, and that you made a good point.
R. Hill,
Maybe I can shed some light here.
Firstly, you really have no idea what my stance is regarding where the corruption, etc. all started. The truth is, I probably have a very similar reality to you which is why I asked Jeff to post my announcement here.
My story was long as it is and as a staff member, the “now” experience is what got me to look at ANYTHING. The fact that DM is a tyrant and off policy and wreaking havoc on orgs is something that can be seen NOW. Then, after confronting that, people will go in many different directions as far as what they want their reality to be and as long as they aren’t abusning anyone else, it’s valid, no matter what truth you or I may feel that others should have. Believe me, if I had known all the truth and that includes what is in Messiah or Madman, A Piece of Blue Sky, etc., I would not have joined up however….
You cannot stop even there and assume you know everything. This is a journey and I suspect that I will come out the other end not quite as pissed off at LRH as I am now which, btw, is PLENTY.
So, anyway, I could not include every thought in my story. Only what actually happened to get me to wake up and how that all went down. I am not here to alienate anyone and for me, all of us have all the impirtant things in common.
@lunamoth: I posted a URL to the post on “Ask the Scientologist” blog, but it didn’t make it. Google “Ask the Scientologist” + “Scientology Thought Control – Part 1” to find the post. Also, I want to correct your assertion: No where did I say here that somebody “is trying to censor [me],” you must be confusing me with someone else.
@Synthia: Re. “I could not include every thought in my story”: True. On the other hand, it must be entirely expected for people to have questions after reading something.
The simple question in my first post, I felt compelled to ask after reading “DM and the ‘quota mongers'” in your post. Isn’t rather a natural outcome of applying LRH’s policies that the Church of Scientology will be run by “quota mongers,” given LRH’s creation of such key a Scientology concept as “upstat,” a very desirable state (“a staff member whose stats are up can do no wrong”), and “downstat,” very undesirable state (“Letting an SP collapse the stats of an Org is a shooting offence”)?
Dear Synthia,
Thank you very much for your announcement. You write so clear and beautiful as you are on the photography. I hope you will contribute more writings to our cause, I’m already an adept of it. Thank you for being.
ML
LO
Hi Synthia –
I’m Allen Stanfield. I was the Exec Dir of the Peoria, IL Mission from 1985-1990.
You will find that things are going to get better and better without all that insanity weighing you down every day.
There is a government commission underway in Australia to inquire into the benefit to society that Scientology produces in exchange for its tax free status there. Submissions are being accepted from all over the world. This could become a blueprint for how to handle the cult aspects and criminality of the Church of Scientology in the United States. The deadline to get your submission in is June 18th.
There is much more information about this on the Ex-Scientologist Message Board.
Welcome to the real world!
And thanks for communicating.
One of the things I’ve noticed about the “outies’, especially the ones who post on Jeff’s site, is how many of them are good writers, communicating their keen insights with great clarity. Based just on that, Synthia, I’d say you are in the right place.
Synthia, Thank you for this incredible insight. I’m practically speechless at what you and your husband overcame to get out from under that cloud. That took a lot of courage. And to be able to stand up and be counted this soon, all i can say is “wow!”
Congratulations on regaining your life & your self respect. Here’s wishing you both a brighter future on the road ahead.
Thanks to all who took the time to read this…off to work now and will respond when I get home. Have a great day 🙂
Due to time constraints, I usually have to quickly scan and scoot. While reading your post my attention caught on the heading: “Will my husband stay with me? How can I not tell him?:”
“Man, I don’t have time to read this,” I thought. But my mind flooded with this horrible energy. I felt sick. My stomach turned. “Will my husband stay with me?” Ah, man, I had to find out, and I had to start at the beginning.
What a relief to find out that he did.
I think this is the crux of the problem. Will my friend or lover or spouse or relative leave me? That members of this church should even be forced to ask this question disgusts me. That a person has to go through the uncertainty, through the gruesome emotions, through the potential loss of everything that he or she values leaves me livid.
Where is the honor in this church? Where is the loyalty?
I’m sure that there are those who remain who have a great sense of honor and loyalty. That sense of duty and belonging make them stay. They are unwilling to leave a friend behind, no matter what. But what happens when people to whom they’ve given allegiance depart? What happens when a friend makes a fuss and points out the malfeasance of management and gets declared?
The overwhelming fear and sense of loss is hard to face. Facing those feelings takes courage.
After a great deal of living, I have come to believe that the greatest rewards of life come from the bonds we form with others: sharing ourselves and allowing others to share themselves with us. Even gaining the greatest of spiritual freedom would become empty without having others to share our experiences.
So, what good is a church that places only temporary and utilitarian value on friendship and family? I know that many SO members married out of convenience rather than love. Being married just offered a chance for better quarters and sex. And maybe this contributed to the willingness to devalue friendship and other relationships. Disposable relationships.
But, before I get distracted, my point is how valuable relationships are, and how the sense of loyalty and honor and forgiveness must become mainstays in any group to which I lend my support.
Glad you are here.
Much love,
Michael
Well said Michael,
Loyalty is an honorable trait to have. To those who remain in because of it, to those who leave because of it and to those who do not give their names because of the loyalty to their love ones.
Thank you for such a warm heart felt comment.
It’s me again,
I’m looking at this and wondering about loyalty and courage. Courage only manifests in the face of danger or threat. You can’t really say someone was courageous if there was nothing to be courageous about.
And being loyal in the face of personal danger takes courage. You stand up for the person regardless of threat or danger to yourself. You stand up for the person regardless of any threat or danger to the relationship.
Then you meet that ethical line of choice. You wish to reveal your identity as a point of honor, but the other person does not. Which do you choose? Where do your loyalties lie? Do you have the right to make choices for another, another whom you love and respect, another whose loss would break your heart?
What to do, what to do?
Courage and loyalty are sometimes at odds. Sometimes the two contradict each other, setting up so much mental discord that you feel lost, torn, confused and even overwhelmed.
This is not a perfect world. And that makes living interesting. If all choices were easy, we would never grow in understanding.
It’s easy to say, “Be true to your own self,” but which self? The loyal self or the courageous self? The circumstances for each of us differs. And loyalty has its own circumstance and courage.
The ‘tweeners have the hardest lot of all of us. Those who are between the church and the Independent movement. Friends on both sides to whom one wishes to remain loyal. The tug of war can be strenuous. To whom do you owe your loyalty? And if you owe loyalty to both sides, where will you place yourself?
But, the answer lies in ARC rather than the battle between loyalty and courage. You don’t have to introvert into “loyalty” nor do you have to introvert into “courage.” You maintain your own understanding and you communicate “truths” as you see them up to the tolerance level of the person to whom you are communicating. You practice discretion. And discretion is choice.
Cognitive dissonance is a good thing. Having difficult subjects to think about exercises our ability to think clearly. But you run into the question of “how much?” Too much cognitive dissonance will overwhelm you. Or another. Too little will fail to precipitate learning.
Thus, we become each other’s teachers. We provide opportunities for each other to learn. We maintain both courage and loyalty by correct estimation of effort, correct estimation of ARC. How much we tell is a matter of both choice and estimation. We estimate what will cause enough cognitive dissonance to bring about learning in this other. What will increase their ARC, their understanding? What will increase yours?
Choice is always senior to circumstance. I refuse to let circumstance dictate how I feel. I refuse to let circumstances dictate when I must be courageous and when I must be loyal. No one serves themselves by becoming a slave to circumstance.
Being cause over circumstance is preferable. We can change circumstance. We can change conditions.
And we can offer opportunities for others to change how they think. Not because any of us should take a position of knowing more or having a superior stance, but simply because we are all learning and growing. And without one another, our opportunities to learn and grow are diminished.
Offering my ideas to another provides me an opportunity to examine those ideas and make changes. To learn and grow.
And having courage and having loyalty provide a basis for examining our lives and the lives of others so we can learn and grow.
Nothing remains the same.
Perhaps we can determine the exact changes that will occur.
Much love,
Michael.
Michael,
I understand, but I don’t want to get too far off into another topic and take away from Synthia’s win. Remember, we each have to make decisions based on the greatest good for our own dynamics. Each decides to use courage or decides were their loyalties should be placed. This is decided by the individual and based on that person’s own life circumstances.
But what you are saying is a good topic for another day.
Thanks Michael
OnceUponaTime
You did it again. You took the mundane and elevated it to the poetic.
I love it when you wax philosophic.
Michael,
“OnceUponTime”….Oh I see now ( by reading lunamoth’s reply) that you are a poet at heart. I re-read want you wrote from that view point and I can see now you were just writing in your own special way .
Sorry I miss duplicated…the Italian GE kicks-in sometimes and it thinks, “Oh yes, we are going to get into a juicy discussion”….Italians love’s a good com cycle. I still think Honor, Loyalty and Courage would be a good discussion one day.
Best, Me
Michael,
“Choice is always senior to circumstance” has been the the filter through which I’ve tried to view most of the events of my life. When I’ve failed by accepting anothers’ choice the consequences have been catastrophic or, dev-t.
I so thoroughly enjoyed with deep personal satisfaction, your treatise. It was so broadly applicable and encompassing to life.
Your writings and the writings of others on this blog, continuously de-cluter my own addled or fragmented thought processes and, as a result, I’m finally experiencing increased clarity about the important things in my life.
Courage and loyalty take on a whole new level of strength and power when mixed with ARC. Too true!
You’re a smart m.f., Michael.
Lunamoth,
Much of the time I feel far more pedantic than poetic. I’d love to launch into pure imagery rather than using logic to get my point across, but if I did being duplicated becomes progressively more difficult.
Art may describe the quality of a communication, but in the end it’s still a communication. And if the recipient doesn’t get it…? Then has the art failed?
But, that’s a whole ‘nother thing.
Glad you’re there.
Michael
Kingair350,
Pilot, huh?
Thanks for your comment. Sometimes I feel like posting is a waste of time I could be spending elsewhere: opportunity costs. Do I cause the most benefit with the minutes I spend writing here or would those minutes be better used elsewhere? Hard question.
I think the question of loyalty and courage is more relevant than has been noticed. When someone openly declares their Independence as Synthia did, readers will express how courageous that is. But, the implication is that those who fail to openly declare might be less courageous. Many conditions and meanings exist as a default. (Man, this is going to be some hard stuff for most peole to grasp.) The formula is basically: if not this, then this other. If you are either A or B and you aren’t A then you have to be B. Mathematical logic by necessity produces categories which sub-produces remainders which are not part of that category.
I hope your eyes aren’t glazing over here. I’m trying to keep this comprehensible and am walking that tight rope that spans theory and practice. How do you get from a theory to practical application? How do you get from practical application to a theory?
But my theory is that the courage manifested in openly declaring one’s independence from the Church of Scientology does not automatically exclude those who remain anonymous from being courageous. Another factor exists that is equally compelling and powerful. And that factor is loyalty. Loyalty to friends and family and customers and businesses still connected to the church.
And my point is that those who remain anonymous should not feel weakened or cowardly or any other negative attribution for siding with loyalty.
Being up-tone has much more to do with how we feel about ourself and our choices than how others view us and our choices. And those sitting around in doubt, vacillating over “should I?” or “shouldn’t I?” would serve their peace of mind by stepping back, taking a deep breath and realizing that this transition period in Scientology’s history will take a while. Give yourself credit for the loyalty. If you have nothing to lose, you’re not really being courageous anyways.
Those who are out but not out are part of the transition. It’s like being the middle part of a rope in tug of war. Those in the middle are connected to those on the other side, and slowly, slowly the rope in moving towards independence. If the rope broke, you would not pull the other side anywhere. Staying connected provides the means to transfer energy to those still inside. Staying connected offers an opportunity to change the understanding of those to whom you are connected.
We need the entire rope. The entire transition along which power and force are applied.
That one is courageous for openly leaving the church is an indictment against the Church of Scientology. Why should that be a courageous act? Why? That it is courageous (and it is) vilifies the Church as a criminal enterprise rather than a spiritual path. What does that say about an organization that generates fear to such a degree? Where is that on the tone scale?
Some question whether the subject of loyalty versus courage is relevant here. Some scratch their heads and yawn, not wondering at all. I believe it is the crux of what many of us encounter. Each of us lives with the questions of courage and loyalty. Perhaps we don’t explore those questions. Perhaps we avoid them. But the further along the path to being OT one moves, the more powerful these feelings will be. The more of ourselves we gain, the more we can invest of ourselves in life. Just as part of our monetary income will go to food, part to shelter, and part to transportation; part of our spiritual investment will go to courage and loyalty. (Both are sub-categories of honor.) Yet, part of our spiritual investment will go elsewhere.
I realize I get a bit wordy. But I’m learning as I write. I never know what the next sentence will bring. Just as I don’t know what the day will bring. Living is an adventure. Sharing my thoughts is an adventure. I never know who will react or how they will react. It’s quite interesting. All of this.
And if I feel I’m contributing to the well being of others, I will spend those minutes here. If I don’t feel I’m contributing, I will spend them elsewhere. Serving others is the predominant investment of my spiritual capital in life.
Michael
OnceUponaTime, That is an exceptional post. Thank you.
Hi Synthia, Thanks so much for your beautiful post. I find it fascinating to read other people’s experiences, especially when they seem so similar to my own.
The beginning of the end for us was the Basics Release. We were at Flag –the year MV was hosted there–and the whole room of us, several hundred, were ordered by the CO of the Ship to purchase the full set and start right then. No choice at all. Even if we had originally WANTED to do it, there was such an Enforced Have that it took any fun away. But that was just the beginning of the end.
Next came the daily requests for cash at our doorstep (literally), on the phone, by fax (seriously), letter and e-mail. The final straw for me was that last 7 hour IAS/Nazi extortion session. We had had several before that–all horrible–but this one was over the top. Not long after, I started reading on the internet and that was the tipping point. Like you, I didn’t know what my husband would say. I was so afraid that he would disown me–I even figured out a place to go and live once I finally told him that I wanted to be free of this madness our Church had become. Luckily for me, he looked. He read. He listened. After a short time he saw exactly what I saw. And really, a thetan can KNOW. Even if I didn’t see DM hit anyone personally, I KNOW that there are too many people speaking up who were there and I KNOW that what we experienced in our last cycle was that same mindset coming down from the top. The kind of below 2.0 force that would be capable of all that I have read. It doesn’t take much to connect the dots.
So anyway, thanks for stepping out. We are just handling our business cycles and then we’ll come join the rest of you. I know that the more of us come forward, the quicker we can make things right.
Magnolia,
Thank you for this great reply. You’ve said something here that is very important and a point I brought up to othres during the whole coming out process here. You state”
“And really, a thetan can KNOW. Even if I didn’t see DM hit anyone personally, I KNOW that there are too many people speaking up who were there and I KNOW that what we experienced in our last cycle was that same mindset coming down from the top. The kind of below 2.0 force that would be capable of all that I have read. It doesn’t take much to connect the dots.
My husband and I were both challenged on the fact that we could not really do a proper doubt formula, ie. “inform oneself honestly….” if we were not right there seeing the actual abuse. I pointed out this truth: We make decisions all day, every day about things we don’t actually see because we trust the people we are involved with and we can tell when someone is telling the truth. I also said, when challenged, “Hey wait a minute, just a year ago I was supposed to believe Mike Rinder and now I’m not.”
Yes, we can know. The other thing that is also forgetton is that to us, away from the insanity, we saw DM and management as a team of execs. To me, quite honestly, I always like Guillaume better than DM and so when top execs came out saying what they had to say, they already had just as much cred with me as DM anyway.
Amazing. As I’m reading it, I’m thinking, “Yup.” My wife and I did a 2 1/2 year stint as St. Louis Org staff, and everything you write about your experience has a ring of authenticity. Thankfully, we missed the nuttiest of nutty management. It sounds like things only got worse at the orgs after we routed out.
My wife and I encountered the truth about all this more or less independently of each other. (It was kind of hard to miss Paul Haggis’ resignation, living in Hollywood.) It didn’t take us long to see what’s what, but we walked on eggshells around each other, not wanted to go “out-reality” or somesuch. HA! What a laugh. The entire Cof S is “out-reality,” how the hell can we compete with that?
The value of a mate who sticks by your side through a journey like this cannot be overestimated. You and your husband are fortunate to have each other. Cheers!
— Andrew
Well Done! And thanks to you and your husband for your willingness to confront evil, and make the life-changing steps you have taken.
May we all be as courageous!
Welcome home.
Well done on finding your way out of the trap!
I was very impressed with Synthia’s integrity and sincere questioning in order to determine what was right and wrong. I know it was not an easy transition, but an important one — what she wanted was the TRUTH and she was unwilling to continue to support an organization that was engaged in abuse and basic violations of human rights.
Synthia, I am so happy for you and your husband and wish you all the best!
Synthia, welcome to your new life as an independent.
You are a marvelous communicator and will find many people clamoring for your assistance. You will also find that your reach will expand even more now that you are out from under the suppressive environment of the modern day CofS.
Your husband will find that he has more opportunities to audit out here than he did inside church walls. There are new people every day seeking repair actions to right the damage they suffered as staff or as loyal public who endured the meat grinder of the currently corrupted bridge.
If there is anything I can do to assist you in your transition, please let me know.
I have a website which may be of use. It assists new independents by orientating them to the freedoms and challenges of independent life, including how to get unused money back off account.
David St Lawrence
possiblyhelpfuladvice.com
Synthia, Thank you for this well crafted letter. I’m betting many will be using your letter as a way to communicate to those still in yet obviously torn. Of which there are legions.
Again, thank you.
WH
Thank you all for taking the ime to read this story. I wanted to personally respond to every comment as they are so thought provoking and creative and I could just spend every waking minute in this luxurious world of brilliant minds but, the non virtual world keeps demanding my attention (the nerve!) and so I just wanted to let you all know that I got all of your communications and they were (are) deeply statisfying. I am so happy to have you all as friends.
Love, Synthia
Synthia:
Congratulations! And very well done on extracting two more deserving souls from the clutches of ultimate evil.
This raises the stats of the independent and free people.
Straight up and vertical!
— Plain Old Thetan
Fantastic post, Synthia. When I left the Sea Org in late 1982, there was no internet, and no way to contact others who had left. It was a long, slow and often painful process to get to the realizations you have reached. Thanks goodness for the internet. And thank goodness for the heros like Jeff Hawkins, Amy, Mark, and so forth, who publish on the internet so that everyone can learn the truth about this despicable situation.
Good for you, Synthia. I’m also very happy to hear your husband was able to come around, after so many years of indoctrination. You two are setting a great example for others.
Sandy Holeman
Synthia (and Hubby),
Your voice from the present front lines will resonate far and wide, especially that a couple, together, can navigate through this particular wall of fire and come out whole and integrity shining.
Other couples in a similar sit can draw hope and strength that they too can make the journey together.
Thank you so much.
Sandy,
I can’t imagine how it would be without the support and without the Internet. I almost feel like my action wasn’t that brave in comparison. The absolute courage that took back then is enough to make my stomach turn and my mind rattle just thinking about it….thank you for standing up long then and for paving the way.
Synthia
Thank you for this great writeup, Synthia. It was very interesting to hear your story and to have a little look on the “other side”. I’m very glad you made it out and were lucky enough to take your husband with tou. All the best to you both.
As a side note, relating to the header above, it’s not just “David Miscavige’s Oppressive Church”. LRH started this crap.
Anonymous,
Thank you very much.
Synthia
Synthia, I just wanted to say that I read your whole post and it was indeed a gripping tale! It was very enlightening to get the details on what staff life has been like for the last few years. I witnessed as an ‘off-lines public’ only some of the insanity around the ‘Basics’ sales drive. I couldn’t believe I was getting calls from SO members who weren’t even in service orgs to buy, buy, buy. Having known and worked with some of these people for years, I could hear the desperation in their voices for a sale — it was clear that the penalties for not making the quotas were stiff.
I admire very much the way you went about this whole thing. I am facing talking with a family member who is on staff currently. I have no idea how to bring it up with him at this point. I have to ask, how did you finally broach the subject with your husband?
Moving Forward,
You ask, “how did you finally broach the subject with your husband?”
Well, first of all, it all sounds good on paper but it wasn’t that easy. I did not handle it perfectly, believe me. My husband actually had to handle me to keep my TRs in as when he didn’t want to look or when he gave me all the same usual conditioned responses, I wasn’t always patient.
I don’t know what your relationship is with the family member you speak of. Since my husband is my spouse and he could see what the ramifications of my withdrawal of support really meant he had some decisions he HAD to make.
He was willing to lose the relationship if that’s how it would have to be in the end but, he was not willing to lose the relationship JUST BECAUSE he was unwilling to look and so he looked so he could make up his own mind and if it turned out that I was wrong, he would have been sorrowful but would have let me go if I refused to handle my unwarranted disaffection.
Some advice….don’t assume that what is really real to you or what irks you most is going to be the same button for your family member. To me, the violence was my number one line that could not be crossed. Finding out about all the human rights abuses was so appalling to me that there was NO WAY on earth that I would continue to support the church. Though my husband is the salt of the earth and wouldn’t hurt a fly and would never support human rights abuses, that church atrocity was not that real to him.
For my husband, it was the out tech and he needed to talk to someone he really felt comfortable with trusting. That person was Dan Koon and that comm line was invaluable. So listen for the clues as to who or what would give credence to the situation to your family member specifically.
So, I would say that you have to be ready to keep your TRs in and persist with patience and kindness as an operating basis, for sure.
Now, in terms of how to bring it up. Just out of curiousity, do you have the Freedom Mag that is supposed to be the dead agent pack on the SP Times? If not, it is in PDF format online and you can print it out.
This publication is “okay” for staff members to read as it was written by the church. It is FULL of outpoints. If your family member is perceptive at all, this piece may not sit well with him/her and it will possibly create uncomfortable cognitive dissonance that will lead to the need to know the truth. That’s what it did for me. Now for the totally indoctrinated, well, they buy the piece hook, line and sinker. For me, I was embarrassed for our church just reading it as it was petty, small, vindictive, childish, and just plain nasty. It was an assault to my senses and possibly your family member will react similarly.
If not, you can pick out all the outpoints and then ask questions about them or make comments. In response to the accusations of violence, Tommy Davis and Monique Yingling admit to the Times that there was a culture of violence. Isn’t it a HUGE outpoint that our elite Int Managment Executives have a culture of violence? When I pointed this out to the staff we were dealing with at the org, the only way they could think to explain or justify that was to say that the SP Times probably made that up or took something out of context. Man people will cut these guys so much slack!
So, anyway, I had an advantage as my husband had to make choice as he is married to me. Also know that it took many, many weeks to help him totally through this. He wanted to know for sure that he was making the right decision and this took a lot of time and I had to be patient. Very, very patient. 🙂
I hope this helps you.
Synthia — thanks so much for the thoughtful answer and good advice. This does help. I agree with you completely about the Freedom mag. It was so terrible, snarky and just downright nonsense that I couldn’t even finish reading the main article.
This would really be a good starting point because he would certainly understand me reading it. The person in question is a long-time staff member as well. I know it isn’t going to be an easy process. It’s still hard for me to digest all of this.
Synthia,
I’ll keep it brief.
I have so much admiration for you and your husband. There are similarities in your awakening and mine. Someday soon I will elaborate. Thank you for sharing your story, I feel empowered by it. I’d like to share this with you:
Within and around the earth, within and around the hills, within and around the mountains, your authority returns to you.
Alfonso Ortiz
Alfonso,
Thank you. That was beautiful. i can’t wait to hear YOUR story.
Love,
Synthia
Synthia you are beautiful…..I felt I was there with you while reading this. Your description of the Basics insanity was spot on and I can tell you that was exactly what it was like in my Org here in Australia. When the Basics nutty cycle took hold, I was told and ordered to write C/S r-factors for PCs that their next step on the Bridge was to get through all the Basics. This was simply to make it easier for the reg to reg the “difficult” people. The pressure was amamzing and I hated it. Of all the stories I have read yours is the one that is closest to my situation and I thank you from the bottom of my heart and wish you and your husband all the best…..Lise
Lise,
“When the Basics nutty cycle took hold, I was told and ordered to write C/S r-factors for PCs that their next step on the Bridge was to get through all the Basics.”
That’s is just so disgusting, isn’t it? The pressure that was pushed down the line on this went from beyond intense to actually psychotic. I was spinning every day and it wasn’t just the Basics, which were bad enough, but every week it was some impossible and GREEDY money target that was a cross order to the one the week before that was still extant which pitted staff members against each other and created so many ARC X and after awhile I realized that this implosion, this psychosis was intentional.
Thank you for your comment. I am glad this story resonated with you and if it helped you I am even more happy.
Love, Synthia
Hi Cynthia! Well done on your actions and the write up. I commend you.
Hard to believe that staff are now being pulled off post to that degree! I recall the Chicago Sups and Word clearers during the GAOT evolution as being very on source. Was your husband on that evolution or was he back at the Org holding down the fort?
As for what R Hill wrote, I totally agree with LRH and am not sure what the problem is, except that R Hill took two separate quotes and mashed them together to make it look like one quote
———————————–
R Hill Wrote:
Excerpts from LRH’s writings (my emphasis in bold):
“A situation exists in some orgs … where sales are very low … A second situation exists in several orgs where only very tiny payments are made by the public on the ‘sales’ that are made. … Further data is that Big League Sales has not been pushed for a year … Selling, closing deals, getting the money is a highly specialized tech. … I have seen a Reg actually offer credit or suggest a tiny payment when the prospect was sitting there with the full price in his pocket, ready to hand it over … They use the tech of selling and use it straight. They are not in doubt about what they are doing. They do it … They just plow right ahead and SELL and CLOSE and take the money in full. … Indoctrinate Reges into thinking big in terms of sales. But not to go after only some rumored big package and lose the rest”
“To me a staff member whose stats are up can do no wrong. I am not interested in wog morality. I am only interested in getting the show on the road and keeping it there.”
Etc.
I am curious: As a thought experiment, positing the above policies had been written by David Miscavige, would anyone find appropriate to use the above writings to make a case, an exposé, about David Miscavige as a greedy sociopath, only interested in money, and to explain why the Church of Scientology et al. is run the way it is currently run?
———————————————————————————————————-
Ron is talking about getting public onto and up the Bridge and not having back-off on that.
He then cautions against going after the rumoured big package which in my opinion is what Regs are now doing clearly violating Church policy.
The second quote saying that a staff member who’s stats are up can do no wrong, if enforced, would certainly prevent a lot of what is now going on, and not cause it.
For example an upstat on source Auditor or Sup is asked to do call-in or regging after post.He says “go to hell” and leaves.
When I was on staff I made damned sure my stats were up and thus avoided a lot of the wog morality such as you must always do what your boss asks etc. In Scientology we have Ethics tech which is far superior to morality codes and would have if properly used by Super Dave and management have kept Scientology on the straight and narrow and none of us would be sitting here having these conversations.
Hi Synthia,
So glad to see you got out and came here to post your story on Jeff’s blog 🙂 Congratulations and kudos for helping your husband get out, too.
It was wonderful to read that the efforts of Anonymous helped :
“About this time, too, Anonymous had left a note on the window of our org that stated, “It’s okay to have doubts.” I realize, now, that had an effect on me.”
FYI, R Hill created and runs one of the most informative, resource filled web sites on the internet. It’s a ‘directory of critical information about Scientology’ http://www.xenu-directory.net
The historical, media and financial documents are a good read for anyone leaving or out.
Best wishes and do come visit ExScientologistMessage Board.
Mary
To all those who have take a stand,
for all those who are still thinking of taking a stand,
from the man who has always spoken his mind:
“I’m not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We’ll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you’re not alone
Hola if you feel that you’ve been down the same road”
Please, turn up your loudspeakers so CoM can hear you. 😉
It sounded to me that Eminem in Verse 2
“Thought I had it mapped out but I guess I didnt
This f-cking black clouds still follows me around
But its time to exercise these demons
These motherfu-kers are doing jumping jacks now!”
said “thetans” not “demons”.
LOL
Thanks much, Jeff, for letting me post this “ethethual” one.
I just LOVE the truthfulness of this guy. Even while I was in S.O.
He’s my Opinion Leader. 😉
Synthia,
Ah, now I’m beginning understand. Duplication is such a bitch sometimes. You asked me in another posting something like: if I understood Scientology why didn’t I consider myself a Scientologist. I wasn’t sure if you were incensed that I was not willing to commit to the cause, or were merely curious. I see you’ve read a bunch of biographies about LRH.
When I left the church in ’82 I was pretty much free to do what I wanted. I liked that. And when books came out about LRH I felt free to read them and make my own evaluations. And boy, was I pissed off–just like you. What a feeling of betrayal. And the more I read on the internet about the COS attacking critics with unbridled “fair game” strategies, the more pissed I got. Furious.
No, let me rephrase that: fucking furious. Fucking foaming at the mouth furious. Excuse my french. I despised the COS so much that I couldn’t even watch a television show that a Scientologist actor or actress was in. “How could these people contribute to such evil bullshit?” I asked. In my opinion fair game was evil and unjust and despicable. And anyone who supported or carried out such a policy was scum.
Even now I feel a rage simmering when I think of the lives ruined “to protect the COS at any cost.” The idea that anyone who pointed out flaws and corruption in the Church was nothing but a suppressive was just such obvious ignorance it made me sick. What happened to the right to disagree?
And when I saw my name on the list of enemies of the church, I nearly fell out of my chair laughing. For me, it was a badge of honor to be the enemy of a group so steeped in self-importance that its members could justify ruining lives for the simple crime of revealing the truth.
Isn’t that what spiritual freedom is all about? The truth.
So, I went on my own spiritual quest. I was sufficiently trained as an auditor in the tech, how it worked and why. I could make judgements. I knew what worked. But I refused to be limited by policy or anything else. I didn’t give a rat’s ass (man am I fluent in french, or what?) what LRH said or wrote. I was going to find out for myself.
And I pretty much have. I found all these wonders about spirituality and how the universe seemed to work. I ran across all sorts of phenomena that was all sorts of strange, but seemed to be true. And then the secret and confidential materials hit the internet and I discovered that much of that weird stuff I had encountered was right there.
So, begrudgingly, I had to admit that LRH was an astute observer. He was prone to exaggeration. Not one person seems to have gained the abilities claimed in DMSMH. At least not to the degree claimed. Nor has anyone become sufficiently OT to mock up a house of sufficient grandeur and solidity to move in the family. But, people do get smarter. They become more aware. They become more confident and capable. Using Scientology does produce a spiritual awakening.
So, I’m just sharing my experiences because I’ve noticed that shared experiences help me put matters into perspective. And I read that you were pissed at LRH, and I’m not about to encourage you to not to be. And I’m not about to get into a contest over who was more pissed off, you or me. But I do want to say that I finally came around to using my self-determined judgment on the subject of Scientology. And I found a lot of valuable stuff there. A lot.
And I know that auditing is available in the field, much cheaper than in the church. And I see this positive movement forming here. A movement which will take the beneficial and remove some of what was wrong. There will be a splitting off of denominations, some worshipping LRH, some not.
But, there will be room for all of us. One of the advantages of these current blogs is the confluence of shared experience which makes the transitions most of us go through much shorter. Where it used to take former Scientologists years to come to terms with their experience, it can take weeks or months now.
It still irks me slightly to read quotes from LRH, as if the quote made the idea true. At best, all LRH did was observe a truth and describe what he found. His words did not make the truth. And quoting him does not make a person now familiar with that truth. The important thing is our own experience of that truth. It’s as silly as going to Yosemite and having the guide tell you what you’re feeling.
Well, enough prattle. I don’t wish to bore you.
Michael
Michael,
I am speechless. Thank you for this astonishing post. I intend to come out the other side in a similar fashion. There is so much truth in Scientology, no matter what anyone says that I know I will eventually land in a different place than I am right now. Right now I am pissed and want NOTHING to do with it…I can’t listen to the man, I can hardly stand looking at the books and lectures on my shelves. I actually am having a physical reaction to all of it like I just watched the creepiest psychological thriller and yet it’s real life.
I feel completely f**ked with and totally lied to and right now, that doesn’t sit real well with me. I will take what I want from Scientology but not because Ron says so (even tough peole will argue that Ron said to do just that, I find that to be doublespeak). Ultimately, we need no gurus of any kind if we are to be truly ourselves.
Synthia,
Let me assure you: you have been totally f**ked with and totally lied to. Soon after I left, I wanted to throw out all of my stuff. Ugh! Couldn’t see a need for the clutter. I surely would never read that crap again. And this would be followed by a stream of curses.
But, I never did. A part of me kept counseling to just store it. So I did.
In Zen, stories abound of students approaching their master with a question and getting slapped or thrown out a window or otherwise brutalized. The objective is to force the student to think for herself/himself.
All I can say is to embrace your feelings, give yourself credit. Your life force, theta, chi (whatever you wish to call it) lies at the bottom of all those feelings. To deny those feelings is to deny your life. Mixed with all that negative energy is positive.
When I start up the pumps to run the waterfalls from the lower ponds to the upper ponds (sounds backwards, but the water has to come from below to circulate back down) the water initially is nearly black from the natural sediment. Within a short time the water begins to run clear and pure. The filters kick in and take out the junk.
So, let the water flow. Let the filters kick in.
Many readers will be thinking, “Yoohoo, that Synthia has it all made now and things are going to be great now that she’s declared her independence!” But, it ain’t always that easy. Maybe the spouse is troubled by the change. Tension builds up. “Honey, calm down.” “Fuck you, I am calm!” It can be very, very, very rough.
Back to the ponds. During the fall, leaves settle to the bottom and rot. In the spring, I have to clean them out. And there isn’t much more disgusting than fetid leaves. Makes you want to vomit. And they’re heavy. Lots of oaks and walnuts and hackberry trees. But, you just go about it because it has to be done.
And some of what you are going to encounter will stink so bad you just want to quit. But as in real estate: location, location, location, as with relationships: attitude, attitude, attitude. Persistence and attitude.
Love yah, babes. Make sure your husband understands you’ll need some long hugs without counsel or advice. The water will clear. The ponds will get clean. And you’ll feel this joy sitting there watching the koi float gracefully across the water. You’ll sigh, reach across for our husband’s hand, squeeze and know that it was all worth the trouble.
Michael
The mashed up quotes come from a 1985 newspaper article: “The selling of Scientology” (http://www.xenu-directory.net/news/library-item.php?iid=2822#).
My point was that the obsession with income (and the selling of courses/materials to grow it) permeates Scientology organizations, now and then: this was also true under LRH. There is a reason why LRH referred to potential recruits as “raw meat”: This allows registrars to dehumanize the person sitting in front of the registrars, as this makes it much more easy to bilk them from as much money as possible, leaving out any concern to their financial well-being, and by repercussion, that of their family. LRH recognized that “wog morality” could get in the way of bilking people out of their funds, thus potential recruits became “raw meat,” that is, until they became Scientology followers, and convincing them to buy into Scientology at the expenses of their well-being, financial or otherwise, became “helping” them, “caring” for them.
As an outside observer, I also appreciate the contributions (in exposing abuses/crimes/wrongdoings) of the whistle-blowers of the past (as seen in the above newspaper article), when LRH was heading Scientology. I deplore that the contributions of these pioneer whistle-blowers in exposing abuses and wrongdoing at the time are unfortunately too often easily dismissed.
I’m just saying, if LRH followers miss the opportunities to go to the bottom of it all, all that went wrong in the past is bound to go wrong in the future as well. And this is supported by the countless stories of abuses/crimes/wrongdoings over the decades. They all have a common denominator: The people behind these abuses/crimes/wrongdoings were unwilling to see anything wrong with LRH’s “teachings.”
Training as an Auditor in Scientology was not an expensive proposition when LRH was around and if you are fluent in all the LRH references you would know he stated that this was to encourage people to train and co-audit rather than just be audited. Also as you can read here and elsewhere many independant scientologists are making a decent living as Auditors.
Church policy explicitely states that there are to be no fund raisers and yet under Miscavige this has become rampant.
Your statement that “The people behind these abuses/crimes/wrongdoings were unwilling to see anything wrong with LRH’s “teachings”” is off the mark IMO. From my viewpoint men like Miscavige appear not to see anything right with LRH’s teachings.How else to explain such radical departures as the IAS,the SP project and Idle Orgs.
Those Scientologists who have the scope of intellect to encompass all the Tech and Policy are aware that LRH was a brilliant but flawed man.Some others prefer to pick out a few of his written and spoken words which expose his flaws and run with them. Fair enough.I prefer to weigh them against the entirety of his writings.
Personally I dealt with a lot of “raw meat” as a PES in the 80’s and saw many achieve tremendous gains on the comm course and other services. Some decided to become auditors and purchased training, none of them were coerced against their will.I certainly never looked down on them as inhuman. The term “raw meat” was almost never used and certainly not in a derogatory fashion.
axiom38,
here’s what I think about “Axiom 38” (which is “the Truth” for a Scientologist):
http://markrathbun.wordpress.com/2010/04/01/cnn-ac-360-part-iii/#comment-18853
Sorry if it bothers your views. My two cents: Keep looking outside your usual and preferred “world”.
axiom38: “many independant scientologists are making a decent living as Auditors”
This I find excellent. If there is one thing which needs to be broken, it is the Church of Scientology’s (“CoS”) monopoly on Scientology. A free market for Scientology services is a necessary step toward rooting out abuses, as abusive prices/auditors are likely to be filtered out if people are free to pick whomever they want for Scientology services. This should prove interesting if CoS tries to go after independent auditors, because, you know, the “religious freedom” fallacy CoS like to trumpet against opponents of its abuses.
axiom38: “Miscavige appear not to see anything right with LRH’s teachings”
“Anything”? Well, he did launch “noisy investigations” against defectors, including Mike Rinder. As per LRH teachings. This is just one example.
axiom38: “Scientology was not an expensive proposition when LRH was around”
I disagree. Look-up news articles from the 60s, 70s, and you will find headlines such as “Scientology ‘a high price racket’,” “Ex-Scientologist charges rip-off,” etc. A 1964 article mentioned “a Florida millionaire who has spent $28,000 on Scientology processing in less than two years.” These 1963 dollars would be $196,000 in 2009 purchasing power… LRH said, “charge whatever the traffic will bear” (while using “solvency” as the rationale.)
Pioneer whistle-blower Sylvana Garritano, in an affidavit circa late 70s:
“Hubbard initiated every sales gimmick imaginable. He ordered to develop sales gimmicks to market Scientology more effectively. Hubbard ordered the following sales gimmicks: ‘Survey the public and discover what the public needs. When you know what they want, tell them Scientology will fulfill that need. Hammer that in. Never sell them anything unless you find out what they want. Take a current Scientology course and break it into several parts. Then sell each part for more than the cost of the original course. If we expand a course without adding any substance, we will rake more money. We will triple the revenue without offering anything more.’ ”
axiom38: “Some others prefer to pick out a few of his written and spoken words which expose his flaws and run with them”
Ok, I suppose you see me as part of these “some others.” I will explain. Stories of abuses/crimes/wrongdoings come out, enduring patterns of abuses/crimes/wrongdoings emerge over decades, people try to understand where these patterns comes from, and when reading LRH policies and doctrines, you can make a convincing case that the abuses/crimes/wrongdoings can be sourced to LRH’s writings, and usually we pick the most obvious excerpts to make a point, but these excerpts are the tip of overall theme-icebergs in LRH’s policies/doctrine which leads to these abuses/crimes/wrongdoings.
Example: One of these overall themes in Scientology, is that if you criticize Scientology, you are a bad person. A lot of LRH’s writing are dedicated to despise/vilify those who criticized him or his ‘teachings,’ regardless whether it was deserved.
Example, in 1960, he told his followers, “If attacked on some vulnerable point by anyone or anything or any organization, always find or manufacture enough threat against them to cause them to sue for peace.” There is absolutely nothing benevolent in that kind of thought, quite the opposite, and no amount of rationalizing is going to make it a acceptable to me (“out of context,” poor little LRH, etc.)
I just excerpted a few words, to highlight an overall Scientology theme: LRH embedded in his ‘teachings’ intolerance to criticism of his ‘teachings.’ From this overall theme, you can then start to understand the source of such doctrines as “suppressive person,” “merchants of chaos,” anti psychiatry, etc. which doctrines led to more noxious doctrines such as “disconnection,” “fair game,” “sec check,” etc. (all direct/indirect rationalizations of his intolerance to criticism.)
LRH was clever, he always provided all cooked-up rationalizations, often subtly interwoven, along with his noxious teachings, or else, of course, few would have gone along with him.
There is a lot to unravel. The important point to remember is that abuses/crimes/wrongdoings were reported as well during LRH’s time, so there has to be more than just David Miscavige to explain it all.
I agree with Axiom 38 (I guess that is no surprise).
At one time getting trained was important. It is a very inexpensive way to go up the Bridge. I purchased the SHSBC at about $150.00 a Level in the 80’s and I received my Method 1, other set ups and my Grades on the BC for free in the early 90’s when I finally got on it years later. I was on my Academy Levels when I first came into Scientology, there were co-audits going on in the Academy all the time.
When I was on my OT levels, because, in 1986, I had purchase my all my training up to Class VIII (the highest level of training in that ORG) by the time I got onto OTV in 1997 I received my OT V auditing at $1500.00 an intensive, while doing a couple levels of the SHSBC at the same time.
I am still baffled by the fact that some are so upset about LRH…he knew he wasn’t perfect or some God to worship…his tech was “a” way out, he even said probably not the only way out, but it is all we have at this time. I almost feel sorry for those who thought he was perfect and could do no wrong and now feel betrayed by him.
He research “a” way out, yes in his research he probably went out-valence at times, yes he may had his moments insanity. I know I would of ,experimenting on myself with some of this stuff he did. I have had my own moments of insanity with far far less stress that Ron had. He probably did go PTS at the end, it’s hard to disconnect from a government that is after you and people who want to take your job. Again, he never said he was above the Tech and the laws of this universe.
As for money:
Unless you have run a business yourself, with at least more than 50 employees, you have a completely different reality than someone who is trying to build something up and has to make sure there is enough money for all expenses promotion, pay, rent, attorney’s, expansion, etc. Plus making sure there are enough reserves just in case of an attack because of errors made or competition.
It is easy to collect a paycheck. It is easy to have a small business with little or no employees expenses and have immediate control of your income and expenses.
If you think that just because Ron was selling Freedom, there should be no push for exchange, money or a push to get people in, well wake up, this is how things are run here on planet earth…any successful enterprise runs this way if it wants to remain successful. There have probably been groups that had great knowledge and tech in the past who were lost because they didn’t know how to survive.
Do you really think that all these big religions got and stayed big because they only prayed and all their leaders were perfect?
Get over it, Ron was not perfect, never was, never thought he was and still is not, where ever he is. I, for one, validate his efforts, time, research, commitment to trail and error and any affects it may of had on him mentally or physically. More than I would do.
Anyways, What kind of a game is it to be perfect at all times? Sound uneventful to me.
R. Hill,
So true, man. SO TRUE.
Here is my post. It’s quite relevant to your views:
https://theworldisfine.wordpress.com/2010/05/30/american-dream-vs-my-mentality/
I am a Scientologist and enjoy discussing it.
I suppose I could spend countless hours defending it and LRH and breaking down how many of the policies are written for specific departments and situations etc. etc. but I am fully aware that no matter what I said I would be viewed by most critics as a mindless robot . Not exactly great footing on which to launch into a debate so take care and good luck in your spiritual quests!
axiom 38: Your opinions and viewpoints will always be welcome here as far as I am concerned, and you have as much right to those opinions as anyone else. In any open discussion, there will be a range of viewpoints – try not to take it personally when someone disagrees. This question as to whether Scientology is a workable system that is often misapplied, or a system with some inherent flaws, is a touchy one for a lot of people.
Jeff,
Thank you for your reply to Axiom 38. Although I also have found Scientology to be the workable system I have been looking for, I have found that I really enjoy reading your articles. They make you think and I have a chance to see both similar and different realities from those who post.
Although there are many things discussed which are not true for me I find just as many that are. I agree with one of the other posters that there are a lot of very well written posts on this blog. I have an appreciation for intelligent and articulate people whether I agree with them or not. The fact that no one is trying to compel me to change my mind about what is real for me is great. I, in return will grant that same beingness to anyone who has opposing ideas. I think we had enough of the “now your supposed to,” mantra in the CoS.
Thank you for keeping this site an open and safe space to communicate.
Hey! That’s my mom! I’m so proud of you! and you’re a really good writer.
You forgot to mention that Ray got all of the basics for $1 each because the library didn’t want them lol.
I am so, so, so proud of you, mom.
Hey! That’s my daughter. 🙂 And…not only did my husband not disconnect from me, neithre did my smart as a whip daughter! I love you, honey.
I love you, too!
I’m really glad I popped back into this thread and saw you speak up for you Mum, Aurora. I can see why you’re so proud of her.
❤ H
Synthia,
WOW, I missed your coming out! Firstly, this is fantastic! Welcome to you and your husband.
Your story is a very important one as you communicate a very real, knowlegable understanding of the situation based on true and unbiased inspection of the church and later came the inspection of the “attackers” and as a result, you came to your own conclusion.
Your story is important because it lets the COM staff know that there is a way to keep their integrity in. Leaving staff is no longer an overt against LRH. I find the fact that the DSA was the starting point which eventually led you to look on the internet is hysterical.
You handled the situation with your husband perfectly by talking to Geir, Dan and Amy. Super commend to all of you who helped Synthia on this. Wins all around. I am so happy for you!
Well!done! i’m sooooooo happy your family is prospering… and free!
lots of love
Jeff,
Thank you for well reasoned words.
My statement was mostly in response to VaD who stated as follows:
“Sorry if it bothers your views. My two cents: Keep looking outside your usual and preferred “world”. ”
Of course how would he know that I have spent many years studying philosophers such as Descartes, Hume,Locke,Spinoza,Aristotle et.al. The point being he assumes that I am a certain “beingness” and decides therefore that it is fine to invalidate me. I have no wish to engage in conversations with such people and prefer to stick with chat sites which do not post personal attacks.
I look forward to reading your book!
ARC
Axiom 38
axiom 38,
I have agreement with you. (See my reply above under your May 30th comment) and you will find others that have your viewpoint, some will listen and agree with part of what you say then give their viewpoint and some will have no agreement at all.
You just need to keep your TR’s in on this site. Don’t let VaD push your buttons.
You may want to alternate between this site and Scientology Cult, it more in agreement with people like you and me and sane solutions to the situation in the church are being looked at there, but this site is a good game if you like some excitement and challenge. Jeff does write some good articles to get things going.
OK I came back.
You are a brilliant but flawed man? also “It’s me again”! : )
You are correct on keeping my TRs in.I will work on that when it comes to this new (to me) world of chatting online.
As an engineer I was bowled over by the brilliance of LRH and when I discovered that his Axioms finally explained why electricity works and not how, I read everything I could get my hands on. I became a Scientologist when I knew that it worked and contained answers far superior to anything else. I also knew scientologists who became scientologists …well because they thought it was kinda cool. These guys generally didn’t last as thay IMO were just as likely to have become Born again Christians if they had gone there first.
As an engineer I know a lot of how the physical universe works thanks to Newton and many others.Now if someone tried to explain to me how Bernoulli’s equation didn’t work because Bernoulli was a very bad man who tried to sell his formula I would LOL and so would any other engineer.Who gives a rats butt about Bernoulli as it applies to the workability of his formula?
That is how i regard Ron’s tech so when someone tries to attack it’s workability based on illogical argumentation I quiver slightly: when they imply that i have been brainwashed I question their knowledge of the tech. But when they say they used to be a Scientologist I wonder what kind of a fool were you if you bought into it without knowing for certain that it was workable! And are you still a fool?Harsh perhaps, but the same to me as forsaking engineering after spending 20 years applying it to build machines and seeing it work every day.
Anyway this argument probably does not belong in Sinthia’s post and to Synthia I truly hope you regain your certainty and figure out what is workable for you.It sounds like you have a splendid family and I wish you nothing but the best!
ARC
Axiom 38
Axiom 38 – Thanks for coming back and for expressing your opinion. Personally, I don’t think it’s black and white, that is, either you accept the whole of LRH’s tech or you reject it all. I think anyone who was in Scientology was there because they found some part of it that worked. Possibly they then found parts of it that did not work for them, or ended up not being worth the time, effort and money required. That someone tries a subject and ultimately rejects some or all of the subject does not make them a “fool” for trying it. Remember that in 1959, LRH said, about Scientology, “When you have applied it as it should be, and applied as it is taught at the school, and still find it unworkable, it is your privilege to question it and, if you like, reject it.”
This is a new world for me also and I am on a learning curve on what has happened to the Church. As a public I saw that there were big out-points and in my search,I never imaged I would come across the things I am finding out.
IMO there is a LOT of BBC on these sites and understandably so. The tech has been altered, reversed to cave some in, tweaked to control or it has been completely changed. I believe that the tech works and I have witness so many people it has worked for. If you have studied and have applied it, then you should also be able to spot were the BBC is coming from in others, without directly evaluating for them….evaluating, invalidating, altering the tech for mind control, make wrong, degrading and all kinds of other things to bring a person down the tone scale to get cooperation and agreement from them has been done enough.
Sometimes you will find others who will run on you what was run on them. Understand that some have gone into the winning valance and they need to be at cause over this. Some just have had enough and want to itsa and de-stimulate the rest of this life time and I can totally understand that.
If you are trained, understand what some have gone through. I know it is sometimes hard and you may get upset, but try to think with the data you have learned before responding. I had to learn that myself and still have to remember to do so, but it is hard as none of us are perfect and I still find myself going off on a sermon.
You will be looking at the INSANITY management has caused that there is so much confusion floating around, it is hard to just pick one at a time and handle it. If you are a keeper of the Tech, I am with you until the end.
Best, Me
I’m still here. Alive and kicking.
“The Truth” about Scientology might as well have been “The lie”
So, I see this axiom 38 “Truth is a consideration” as true as it is false. imho
Dearest Synthia,
You are your husband are heroes. I’m so proud of you both. Look forward to increasing prosperity, my dear, because you are now de-PTSed and the world will be your oyster!
XXXOOO,
Songbird
Synthia, I too am a former Chicago public and interacted with your husband extensively in the academy there during the late ’90s. He was one of the most dedicated Scientologist I have ever met. I’m so happy that he decided to look too. My ex had a grueling 23 hour reg cycle at Flag a couple of years ago. It’s that, along with the stories I see repeated over and over on these blogs, that makes the abuse true for me.
Stilltheta,
We are excited to hear from you but we don’t know who you are…care to connect back up with us and let us know?
sfagen@hushmail.com
Thank you!
Synthia
Was this the Chicago Org? I was on staff there many years ago and still live somewhat in the area.
Synthia:
Thank you for your beautiful cognitions. The Magazine goal backfired to a lot of people who started to questioning who was the kingpin and others. It was also full of lies that people in could perceive as lies, and those people started to investigate in others places and found the truth.
I know many people who left for good after it, and they were believers as you. The Basics book was a catastrophe. I thank God for all the events.
I resigned from the Church, because I saw many inconsistences. The COB making us sign contracts where it said that he was not the head of the Church. He is a psychopath, who is interested in money only. He does not care about people, but about money.
Big hugs to you
Thank you , Maria! I appreciate it.
Can you expound on this statement, “The COB making us sign contracts where it said that he was not the head of the Church.” I’m not tracking on this one.
I am glad to hear others had similar reactions to the Freedom Mag. It was truly an education in spotting outpoints which, in this piece, were legion.
Big hugs to you too.
Synthia
The Scientology Contracts state in one of them that the COB is not the head of Scientology, perhaps to cover his “assets” in future cases of death as the one with Lisa McPherson.
This is/was a blatant lie. because we all know that David Miscarriage is the head of the Church of Scientology and also he orders every thing in there.
I cried while reading this.
This is my first reply to any so called entheta. I am still on staff. I will get my thoughts together and reply soon.
Thank YOU!!!!
Every word you wrote, I agree!
Justmeme,
You are welcome. That was written for you, believe me. I do understand.
Love, Synthia
Also, Justmeme,
When you get your thoughts together, I think I can speak for all of us here when I say, we are interested in what you have to say. This is a safe space here for you.
Love, Synthia
Justmeme,
I remember those feelings, too, when I first saw everything in writing — out in the open like this.
And “out in the open” is what every one of us is working on here.
Just Me
(in affinity with, but not to be confused with justmeme)
Synthia,
Great story with a happy ending. I had a question about Chicago Org staff. How can I chat with you privately?
Darth Xander
Darth,
I don’t really want to chat about the Chicago Org staff privately. I have nothing to hide so ask away here. I also have no problem with the Chicago Org and the problems that I do see do not originate from there.
I would prefer to know the nature of your questions first.
Thanks for commenting,
Synthia
Thoughts on this recent raid of the Org?